My Funny Demon Valentine Quotes

“If you want a real relationship, it has to be built on trust. If the foundation is weak, the structure will fall.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“This isn’t America, dumbass. It’s Canada. People aren’t supposed to have guns in Canada.” “Whatever. They’re basically the same.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“People were bumping into me. I didn’t like it.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“If you can’t keep yourself from murdering people when we go out, you should stay home.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“And that was when the gun went off.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“You never know,” Meph said over the din. “Humans are fragile. Pretty sure they could make themselves sick by thinking too much.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“Get out of my sight before I spank you with this spatula.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“But he didn’t need to see color to know she was beautiful.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“This is America.” Raum shrugged. “Anyone can find a gun.” “This isn’t America, dumbass. It’s Canada. People aren’t supposed to have guns in Canada.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“He kissed her like he was starved. Like he’d never kissed before.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“Open your eyes, Eva. I want you to see who’s inside you.
She did as he asked and opened her eyes. And stiffened in surprise. He was red. And his eyes were black. And, as she watched, he grew to his seven-foot-tall size. He grew everywhere, in fact, and she gasped at the sudden stretch inside her, the tightness almost unbearable. Those freaky, all-black eyes narrowed in challenge. He was daring her to accept him, she realized. Accept all of him. Even his hands had turned to claws, though he was careful where he held her not to scratch her.
“Your eyes are glowing again,” he growled. “You’re so beautiful.” He did a slow slide out of her and then pushed back in, finishing with a roll of his hips that made her see stars. She moaned at the exquisite fullness, bordering on the edge of pain.
“Who’s fucking you right now, Eva?”
“You are.”
His hips rolled again. “Who am I?”
“Asmodeus.”
And again. “Who am I.”
“My demon. My big, red demon with his big, red co— Oh, fuck, Ash.”
His next thrust sent her core clenching up, and it was his turn to moan. “You feel so good. So damned tight, you’re squeezing me like a fist.”
“More, baby. I want more.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“Open your eyes, Eva. I want you to see who’s inside you. She did as he asked and opened her eyes. And stiffened in surprise. He was red. And his eyes were black. And, as she watched, he grew to his seven-foot-tall size. He grew everywhere, in fact, and she gasped at the sudden stretch inside her, the tightness almost unbearable. Those freaky, all-black eyes narrowed in challenge. He was daring her to accept him, she realized. Accept all of him. Even his hands had turned to claws, though he was careful where he held her not to scratch her. “Your eyes are glowing again,” he growled. “You’re so beautiful.” He did a slow slide out of her and then pushed back in, finishing with a roll of his hips that made her see stars. She moaned at the exquisite fullness, bordering on the edge of pain.
“Who’s fucking you right now, Eva?”
“You are.”
His hips rolled again. “Who am I?”
“Asmodeus.”
And again. “Who am I.”
“My demon. My big, red demon with his big, red co— Oh, fuck, Ash.”
His next thrust sent her core clenching up, and it was his turn to moan. “You feel so good. So damned tight, you’re squeezing me like a fist.”
“More, baby. I want more.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“Conscious beings evolve. That’s how the universe works. You’re born, you fuck shit up, you learn your lesson, you evolve. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a human, animal, or even a plant.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“Belial isn’t just a demon, hon. He’s, like, the demon. It’s basically another name for Satan.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“Asmodeus is legendary. There’s a royal ranking system for demons called the Order of Thrones, and Asmodeus is a Prince of Hell. That means he’s of the second-highest level and one of the most powerful demons in the underworld. I think he was a King at some point, but I’m not certain. He was once the most renowned lust demon of all time, but in recent times, he’s faded into obscurity.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“It looked like a pug crossed with Gollum. A pig crossed with a bat. A monkey crossed with Yoda who had bashed its face into a brick wall too many times. It was just ugly in every possible way.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“Subconscious suggestions work. Repeatedly show someone an image of something, and it will become familiar, whether or not they consciously recognize it. It’s a simple way to make humans more impressionable.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“Humans are fragile. Pretty sure they could make themselves sick by thinking too much.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine

“His skin was lightly tanned, and his hair . . . Whoa, his hair. It was jet black and dead straight, and it hung like a silky curtain to his freaking hips, with a few shorter strands falling over his face. A face that was . . . godlike. Perfect, sculpted cheekbones drew the eyes to a mouth that was made for pleasure, and his deep blue eyes were so bright she’d seen them all the way across the club.”
― Aurora Ascher, My Funny Demon Valentine