The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend Quotes

“Me: Leland, how did you get Jackson to fall in love with you? Leland: I flirted with him. Jackson: He shot at me. Leland: Yeah, that’s called flirting. Jackson: That’s called attempted murder.”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend

“saw a man… a lone man climbing over a grand fence. Suddenly, his pants got stuck as he was climbing over and his ass was on display for all to see. And that’s how I met Jackson. Better love story than Twilight.”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend

“Being with Leland in a car is like being stuck in a room with a child hyped up on caffeine and sugar that you can’t yell at because it’s not your kid. “What exactly are we doing?” I ask as I glance over at where he’s sitting in the passenger seat.”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend

“Then I’ll just pack up my Girl Scout cookies and hurry on home,” Cassel says. The man hesitates. “Do you have Thin Mints?”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend

“Stabby McStabbed is like ten feet that way. I didn’t stab him well enough to kill him either, so I’m sure he’ll have something to say about seeing my face if I come waltzing up playing the innocent party member.”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend

“Henry: Why the hell am I part of this group text?”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend

“Squirrel,” Fred says as I realize that there is something worse than death. I’d rather have poison.”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend

“a little startled by what he’s asking, but I’m also positive that if this man is asking me to watch his dog, I will watch it to the moon and back. I will watch this dog so fucking hard that when Jeremy comes back to collect her, he’ll be turned on by my dog-sitting abilities. He’ll take my hand and go, “Cassel, my one true love, I’ve never seen a dog watched so well. I think I’m in love—” That’s when that other dude that I’ve forgotten about”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend

“You are the absolute light of my life. My one true love. But I’m pretty sure you’re not going to die; it barely broke the skin.”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend

“Then he wipes the imaginary ball blood over my shirt. It’s much more gruesome than his bee miming.”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend

“Henry: ☹”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend

“Leland: Got the brother. Made him piss his pants but that was just some good fun. Jackson: Was not fun. Leland: Was fun. Jackson: You didn’t have to deal with the piss-soaked pants.”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend

“Fred, and this is Dandelion,” he says. “Just call me Dandy,” she says with a wink.”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend

“He looks mildly concerned, which is mildly concerning in itself. Anyone who isn’t fully concerned must have something wrong with them.”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend

“Please, don’t be jealous that I’m absolutely amazing at reading people. If they try to kill or fuck us, you owe me a hundred dollars,” I say as I hold my hand out for him to shake. Jeremy’s eyebrow shoots up; he’s clearly amused by this. “A hundred? Deal.”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend

“I wish he’d let me help him, but instead, he does this weird little pat on my head like I’m a dog before looking confused by his own actions and rushing off. My heart. My betraying heart. Why do you have to be so drawn to a man who thinks you’re a dog?”
― Alice Winters, The Former Assassin's Guide to Snagging a Reluctant Boyfriend