The Split Quotes

“It’s always the same,” Doyle said. “The rich people do what they want and we go to jail.” “You know you’re a bank robber, right?” “Yeah, but I only steal from big corporations,” Doyle said, a bit offended. “That makes it better,” Turnbull said. “You’re one sarcastic son of a bitch,” Doyle told Turnbull. “No, really. That makes it better.”
― Kurt Schlichter, The Split

“Students were scarce, partly because it was summer and partly because there was no real need to attend classes. It was illegal for a college to fail a student, as the enforcement of standards was a form of oppression. An “A” was the default grade, though it sort of had been for a couple decades.”
― Kurt Schlichter, The Split

“The coffee was better too; it no longer tasted like steeped charcoal.”
― Kurt Schlichter, The Split

“One of the first acts of the new United States Congress was to re-ratify the Constitution, but this time they took the Second Amendment seriously. Now, no one paid an armed citizen any mind. And everyone was really polite.”
― Kurt Schlichter, The Split