Cues Quotes

“They remembered more when the story was printed in Comic Sans compared to Arial or Bodoni fonts.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

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― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“highly charismatic leaders and found they use nonverbal cues to move, inspire, or captivate others.24 And their presence is contagious. Their confidence breeds confidence in others. They’re also characterized by their ability to both decode the emotional needs of others and encode the right cues to inspire and spur emotion in others. When the researchers showed videotaped speeches of leaders to participants and asked them to rate the speakers on their charisma, they found that the highest-rated speakers blended both competence cues and warmth cues. They: Used dynamic hand and body gestures. Showed more erect posture. Maintained eye contact, especially at the end of statements. Had a more open body and didn’t engage in blocking behaviors. Nodded more. Were more emotionally expressive through their facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice (there will be more on this in the section on vocal cues). Invited others to speak up. Sat at the head of the table. Had a greater repertoire of cues and strategies to express themselves. Touched themselves less but touched others more.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“Warning: Mirroring is so potent that only subtle mirroring is needed. Copy every cue and you will quickly stray into creepy territory. The key is to mirror subtly—no need to copy every gesture.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“WARMTH CUE #6: Mirroring Makes You Magnetic”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“Honor Any Humor Don’t feel pressure to be funny. It’s great if you can create humor, but it’s even better if you can honor other people’s humor. Always be ready to laugh. Think of a laugh like a compliment. It’s telling someone you appreciate them. PRINCIPLE”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“WHEN TO EYEBROW RAISE To encourage someone to speak up. Do you work with or spend time with a serious introvert? Introverts may struggle with sharing their ideas. You can encourage them to share with an eyebrow raise in their direction. A quick raise shows them that you would like to hear from them without calling them out. Use an eyebrow raise any time you want to show curiosity or interest. Use it to greet someone you like. WHEN NOT TO EYEBROW RAISE If someone is pushing your buttons, keep those eyebrows down. An eyebrow raise will only encourage them to keep doing what they’re doing. Don’t do it too often. You do not want to look permanently surprised. In Japan, the eyebrow raise is used to indicate romantic interest. Therefore, if you’re in Japan, suppress it in professional situations. WARMTH CUE #4: Savor Smiles Here’s something that won’t surprise you at all: We’re 9.7 times more likely to be seen as warm when we’re smiling.23 A smile is a pure warmth cue. But what might surprise you is that smiling is not just about warmth or happiness. It’s also about engagement. Smiling makes you more memorable.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“Nodding is a great way to inspire agreement. Most people make the mistake of hiding or stifling their feelings in meetings or interactions. If you agree with something, show it. Here is another weird effect of nodding: When you nod yes, you get the other person to speak more … 67 percent more. Researchers observed applicants interviewing for civil service positions. They found that when the interviewer nodded, the duration of interviewees’ speech increased by 67 percent.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“WARMTH CUE #2: Nod to Know”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“WHEN TO TILT To show someone you’re interested and listening. To deliver bad news. To be seen as higher in warmth. To encourage someone to open up. WHEN NOT TO TILT If you’re trying to look powerful. If you want to discourage someone from talking. Ever been with someone who won’t stop talking? Or won’t end a meeting? Don’t tilt! If you’re already high in warmth, head tilting will make it hard to climb back into competence. Use it sparingly.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“Warmth cues create a wow factor for everything about you. They signal trustworthiness, engagement, inclusion—all the warm and fuzzy feelings that make us feel close to others. Using tilts, nods, eyebrow raises, savor smiles, touches, and mirroring creates a halo effect around you.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“Disney’s original goal of bringing people happiness is the underlying operational principle that carries on even today. Disney calls it the “Wow Factor.” Wowing guests is not only about meeting those high expectations but exceeding them. Every employee of Disney Parks operates under one main requirement: “Every guest be treated like a VIP—that is, a very important, very individual person.” How do they do this? Not only with a helpful can-do attitude, but also with a specific set of nonverbal behaviors. Yes, really. Disney University teaches every single person who works in Disney parks—from janitors to princesses—the specific nonverbal cues to use with guests.3 And they all embody the pinnacle of warmth. These little warmth cues might seem small, but to Disney they are an important part of the wow experience—baked into the very essence of what it means to visit a Disney park. “It is this plethora of little wows, many of which seem fairly insignificant at the time, on which Quality Service depends. If the little wows are delivered consistently and continuously, they add up to a big WOW!” And so it is with the nonverbal warmth cues in our interactions as well.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“Highly charismatic people leverage space to show and encourage intimacy.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“Plant yourself and see how close the person comes to you. If they come right into your personal zone, they likely feel very comfortable with you and are excited to connect. If they stand or sit farther back, hanging out in the social zone (or even just waving or nodding from the public zone), then they likely need more time to warm up. If they come into your intimate zone, take note! They probably want to get very close physically or emotionally. In one study, researchers directed a negative comment—something like “Your handwriting is messy”—toward a participant.22 They found that negative comments caused participants to pick seats farther away from the researcher who had insulted them. Not too shocking, right?”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“There are four areas around our body where we like to interact with different categories of people: (1) the intimacy zone, about zero to eighteen inches from our body; (2) the personal zone, about eighteen inches to four feet; (3) the social zone, about four to seven feet; and (4) the public zone, with anything beyond seven feet. Intimacy Zone: We prefer to have only people we highly trust this close to us because it potentially makes our body vulnerable. When someone is in this space, they can reach out and touch us, kiss us, punch us, or take something from us. We often feel uneasy when someone accidentally enters our intimate zone. Personal Zone: This is the most commonly used zone. In this zone we can easily reach out and shake hands with someone. When we speak to colleagues, friends, or family members, this distance makes it easy to hear someone as well as exchange familiar gestures like arm touches or high fives. Social Zone: This zone is most often used for business or professional interactions that don’t require touch or deep conversation. It’s often used at parties, when ordering at a bar, or sitting around a conference table in a meeting. Public Zone: This zone gives us enough space to figure out someone’s intentions before an approach. If you are seven feet from someone, you can see their entire body, their hand gestures and posture. Someone might wave, nod, or call out to us from the public zone before being invited closer.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“CHARISMA CUE #4: Be Smart with Space”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“WHEN NOT TO FRONT When you want to prevent distraction. If I’m focusing intently on something and want to respectfully signal “I don’t want to be bothered right now,” then I do not front. When someone is opening up too much. Ever had someone verbally vomit all over you? Or share TMI—too much information? If you find someone is oversharing, stop fronting! You’ve given them too much engagement. Angling away is a nice way to cue them to slow down and back up. When you don’t have time or space. John Stockton made thousands of successful passes without fully fronting first. Sometimes all he had time for was a quick look or turn of the head. And that can work too when you are pressed for time—it’s certainly better than no turn at all! When you need to be covert. Some of Stockton’s best assists were made on the sly, where he deliberately didn’t front because he was sneaking a pass to someone. If you’re trying to hide your attention and intentions, don’t front.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“WHEN TO USE FRONTING To signal respect and/or care. Make sure your torso is turned toward people who matter to you. Greet your boss with full fronting when they come through the office doors, front with your partner when they’re sharing good news, always swivel your chair toward the person speaking. To see what others value. Pay attention to where others are pointing their toes, torso, and top—it might give you a deeper understanding of where they’re focusing. At the office. Make your office setup and furniture fronting-friendly. Move chairs and desks to make it easy for everyone to front. Circular boardroom tables are best. Swivel chairs make it easy. When it’s time to go. Occasionally, I desperately need to escape a party early—my ambivertfn2 self isn’t the most charismatic after nine p.m. I casually indicate my desire to leave a conversation by fronting toward the door. You would be pleasantly surprised at how often people pick up on this subtle cue.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“The fastest way to show someone that you’re interested, present, and engaged is to fully square your body toward them. The biggest mistake we make while attempting to build connection is giving only partial nonverbal attention.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“Crushes and Bosses When my team and I observed work holiday parties, we noticed most people’s toes were angled toward the boss, the most important person in the room, even when people weren’t speaking with her. Want to know who people really respect? Watch their toes. People also tend to point their toes toward their crush. When our mind is on someone, our toes follow suit and are always at the ready to physically move toward them.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“WHEN TO BE OPEN When you are in one-on-one interactions where you need to build rapport. Make a show of removing all barriers between you and others. Clear the table in a client meeting. Push aside a computer in a brainstorming session. Move your clipboard to the side when talking to people. Scoot your coffee over on a date. Open body, open heart, open mind. When you need to spark ideas. Want to be more creative, open-minded, imaginative? Uncross your arms. Want others to be more creative, open-minded, or imaginative? Encourage them to uncross theirs. Hand them a cup of water, give them a pen to take notes, show them a photo of your family so they have to open up and lean in. When you are presenting or pitching. Always try to be barrier free—an open torso is the most charismatic. Use a remote instead of sitting in front of your computer. Step away from the podium. Leave your arms loose by your sides so you can gesture easily and keep your torso open to the audience. When you are choosing profile pictures—especially for LinkedIn or dating app profiles. A closed body signals a closed mind and a closed heart. WHEN NOT TO BE OPEN When openness is not the right message. Irish mixed martial artist Conor McGregor is often photographed with his arms crossed. And this makes complete sense for his brand. He doesn’t want to be seen as open! It’s better for his reputation to be seen as closed, intimidating, and tough. For him, crossed arms sends the right cues—he wants to be in the Danger Zone. When you don’t want to engage. Is someone making you feel uncomfortable? Cross those arms! If you want to signal you’re closed for business or aren’t open to someone’s ideas, block them out. This works well with close talkers or over-touchers.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“Researchers have even found that a podium blocks presenters’ ability to share new material.12 If you can help it, avoid standing behind a podium at all costs. It’s a huge blocker to charisma.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“Most people like crossing their arms. Crossing our arms feels good because it makes us feel less vulnerable. With our arms across our chest, we protect our vital organs. But it comes at a cost. Your charisma is compromised for a little extra comfort. And many of us merely cross our arms out of habit. This small nonverbal cue creates a physical and emotional barrier between you and the people you’re trying to connect with.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“CHARISMA CUE #1: Lean Like a Leader Can we play a little mind game together? Wherever you are right now—whether you’re sitting or standing, would you mind leaning forward, please? Not too far, just a few inches. Go ahead and hold the lean for ten seconds. How does it feel? Notice anything interesting? This simple movement activates a specific part of your brain that makes you feel more motivated. In a fascinating experiment, researchers found that when they asked participants to lean forward, they had increased neural activation in the left frontal cortex.6 This is the part of our brain associated with desire and motivation—it creates an eagerness to move toward something. The control group, who was asked to lean back, didn’t exhibit any increased activation at all. When we lean in, we literally feel more motivation. When we lean back, we lose motivation.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“One study found that people with strong nonverbal cue recognition earn more money in their jobs.3 Why? Being able to quickly and accurately read emotions gives you an incredible advantage in the workplace. You can better predict behavior, spot hidden feelings, and get your ideas across more clearly. People who are adept at nonverbal skills “are considered more socially and politically skilled than others by their colleagues,” explains the study’s author.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“Labeling negative cues reduces their impact. Learning cues will help you spot and stop negative cues being sent to you and be more in control of the cues you send to others. Your cues can also help you influence for good and be positively contagious. Leaders can learn to spread productive feelings to others. When you project warmth, people are more likely to be warm with you. When you project a competent, confident calm, others are more likely to follow suit. Your charisma cues can flip others’ negative ones. We just need to model the cues we want to inspire in others.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“One person’s mood can affect both the mood of others and an entire group’s collaboration and decisions.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“Know you need more trust, collaboration, and openness with someone? Dial up your warmth cues. Know you’re interacting with someone who is higher in competence? Dial up your competence cues as a sign of respect.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“The number one way to improve your interactions is to send clear cues based on your goals. When you need more credibility or to be taken seriously, as in negotiations, pitches, and important interviews, dial up competence. Additionally, if you’re with someone who appreciates highly intelligent, capable, efficient people, use more competence cues. If you want to build more collaboration and trust, dial up warmth. If you’re with someone who values connection, rapport, and empathy, you should generate warm cues.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

“And the best part? The most charismatic people move flexibly within the Charisma Zone. Need a little more warmth in a situation? Use more warmth cues. Need to inject competence into an interaction? Add competence cues. You can use the Charisma Scale like a dial.”
― Vanessa Van Edwards, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication