Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight) Quotes

“holding in your feelings when it comes to your relationship will drain and diminish your mental health.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“As stated, most people don’t realize they’re upset about the tone you used while being just fine with your actual request. It was never about you asking them to pick up the clothes. It was about the way you asked. Therefore, take responsibility for communicating in a genuine, sincere tone. Your partner can more easily hear and consider your request when it’s not blended with sarcasm or an otherwise insulting tone.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“This is about what’s best for your relationship. If you won’t put your shame and embarrassment aside long enough to apologize when you’ve done something hurtful to your partner—and let’s face it, being human, you will do something hurtful from time to time—then you’re likely not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“Go through the hard discussions, then experience intimacy. The way to intimacy is through the tough terrain. If I’m driving with someone and they completely blow through a red light, I want some sign of them acknowledging their mistake. Something like, “Oh my gosh, whoops, I didn’t mean to do that.” Otherwise, how am I to know they won’t continue doing it?”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“Understanding that I was basing my emotional well-being upon other people treating me just how I wanted—after all, they made me feel things—brought me to a fork in the road. Would I continue basing my quality of life on something I had no control over, i.e., what other people said and did, or would I take ownership of the feelings I felt in my own body and learn to handle them in a healthy way?”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“saying something like, “Such and such happened and it made me so mad . . .” He’d interject with, “Now, watch what you’re saying. You’re giving away your power when you say something made you feel.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“For those of you with partners who aren’t yet experienced in the art of communicating, you’ll want to take preventative measures. Before saying “I think you don’t care about me and I feel sad about that,” consider prefacing your statement with: “I’m going to share my perspective and experience. I’m not saying you have to agree with my reasons for it—I’ll be open to discussing those. However, I do firmly ask that you respect my feelings—don’t tell me how I should or shouldn’t feel.” The Gottman Institute refers to this method as a soft startup. Essentially, it’s a technique that prepares your partner for what you’re about to say instead of laying it on them with no warning. A soft startup can remove the shock factor and make it easier for your partner to hear what”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“There will never be a right time to communicate about hard things. This entire line of thinking is a fallacy because it’s not the right time you’re actually waiting for.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“Avoid name-calling and insults, as they lead to intensified arguing. If you’re feeling angry, directly state, “I feel angry.” This is concise and clear. It avoids manifesting your anger in the form of insults, names, or sarcasm. If you’re so angry or frustrated that you become overwhelmed, step away for a moment. Take responsibility for seeking your partner out to continue the conversation once you’ve calmed down.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“I have this idea in my mind that you don’t care about me. I’m feeling sad and afraid about that. I’m not saying it’s necessarily true, but it’s what I experience when you say X and do Y.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“I’m going to share my perspective and experience. I’m not saying you have to agree with my reasons for it—I’ll be open to discussing those. However, I do firmly ask that you respect my feelings—don’t tell me how I should or shouldn’t feel.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“I’m expressing my thoughts and feelings. I’ve taken ownership of what I’m experiencing. I haven’t attacked or blamed you for the way I feel. I haven’t been rude or mean to you. I’m open to discussing both of our perspectives so we can come to a mutual understanding. What I’m not open to is you telling me how I should or shouldn’t feel.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“have this idea in my mind that you don’t care about me. I’m feeling sad and afraid about that. I’m not saying it’s necessarily true, but it’s what I experience when you say X and do Y.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“thought is something you experience in your head in the form of words and images, while a feeling is something you experience in your body in the form of physiological sensations.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“Saying nothing at all and avoiding communication is toxic.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“These are my feelings, and they’re not up for debate. What I am willing to do is have a discussion about both of our perspectives and try to come to a resolution that is agreeable for both of us. What I’m not willing to do is sit here and have you tell me I shouldn’t feel the way I do.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“These are my feelings, and they’re not up for debate.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“You’re not actually waiting for the right time. What you are waiting on is the fear and anxiety about communicating to go away. It won’t.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“There will never be a right time to communicate about hard things.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“Another common and unhelpful ideology about communication is waiting for the right time.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“want to say something, but this is challenging for me.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“You may not have realized that communicating your feelings and concerns is your responsibility. It’s not your partner’s job to bring that out of you, but it is their job to not judge or shame you when you do it.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“You may not have realized that communicating your feelings and concerns is your responsibility. It’s not your partner’s job to bring that out of you, but it is their job to not judge or shame you when you do it. I can’t tell you the number of people who hold the belief that when they find the “right” person, that person will instinctively tend to their feelings and thoughts, relieving them of having to communicate them.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“My next major relationship was during college, and I did try to communicate. It didn’t work, because the only feelings I knew how to express were anger and frustration. I didn’t know how to express fear, sadness, or anxiety, because I was still living from an unconscious shame-based identity.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“probably unconsciously, that saying nothing has a larger payoff than discussing how you feel. When this happens, it’s usually because you were either: Shamed for your feelings as a child, or Put in a catch-22 by your caregivers. Let’s look at the consequences of each of those. If”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“Instead of saying nothing, say, “This is challenging for me.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“Well, you shouldn’t feel angry,” respond with, “That’s how I feel. And before we can discuss different perspectives, I’m asking you to acknowledge that I do feel angry. You don’t have to agree with my reasons for feeling angry, but I do need you to acknowledge that it’s the way I’m feeling right now.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“Most people shove it deep down inside of them in an attempt to “keep the peace.” This creates an external illusion of peace while thoughts and emotions erupt inside you. The answer is to directly name the fact that you’re feeling angry and frustrated.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“I feel angry.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner

“The terms “should” and “shouldn’t” are insults in disguise.”
― Nic Saluppo, Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner