Savage Love from A to Z Quotes

“sex is about connection and intimacy, pleasure and release.”
― Dan Savage, Savage Love from A to Z: Advice on Sex and Relationships, Dating and Mating, Exes and Extras

“—you need to find a partner who’s good in bed, who takes pleasure in giving pleasure, and who’s game for almost anything. And you’ll have a much easier time attracting someone like that if you’re good, giving, and game yourself.”
― Dan Savage, Savage Love from A to Z: Advice on Sex and Relationships, Dating and Mating, Exes and Extras

“We expect perfection and we’re constantly disappointed. If we could adjust our expectations—if our expectations were more realistic—more relationships that could and should survive would survive.”
― Dan Savage, Savage Love from A to Z: Advice on Sex and Relationships, Dating and Mating, Exes and Extras

“It’s amazing how well some people get along with their exes. People really seem to relax and enjoy each other once they let go of their expectations—once they’re divorced, once they’re no longer trying to control each other, once both are free to sleep with whoever they want. I sometimes wonder why people don’t give that stuff a try—shitcan the expectations, stop trying to control each other, fuck whoever you want—before they get divorced. —JANUARY 9, 2015”
― Dan Savage, Savage Love from A to Z: Advice on Sex and Relationships, Dating and Mating, Exes and Extras

“Your boyfriend’s cuckold kink is most likely a subconscious, erotic response to a sexually charged fear. While most of us don’t eroticize our fears, a number of us respond to sexual fears or even traumas by incorporating them into our erotic imaginations. And what do many straight men fear most? Being cheated on. —DECEMBER 7, 2006”
― Dan Savage, Savage Love from A to Z: Advice on Sex and Relationships, Dating and Mating, Exes and Extras

“dogs or cats, 90 Day Fiancé or Selling Sunset. But they can’t pause for a moment to ask themselves if this otherwise lovely person they’re dating fucks them the way they like to be fucked, and fucks them as often as they’d like to be fucked, because that would make them shallow, sex-obsessed perverts.”
― Dan Savage, Savage Love from A to Z: Advice on Sex and Relationships, Dating and Mating, Exes and Extras

“In reality all you did was grow closer—you just were never warned that feeling safe and secure in a relationship can exact a steep erotic price. Some individuals don’t mind paying that price. So long as neither partner misses the hot sex, its absence isn’t a problem. And some relationships were never about the hot sex in the first place. But if yours was and if you miss it and if you’ve contemplated doing something that might destroy everything you have with your partner to have hot sex again, it’s a problem for you.”
― Dan Savage, Savage Love from A to Z: Advice on Sex and Relationships, Dating and Mating, Exes and Extras

“kept getting hotter and pretty soon you were introducing them to your friends and then someone said “I love you” and someone said “I love you too” and ten years later you’re still in love. But you’re bored. Or maybe you matched on a hookup app and fifteen minutes later this person—this complete stranger—was outside your door and five minutes after that they were inside you. You took a chance and the sex was hot, you thought, despite the risk. You invited them over again the next time you spotted them on the hookup app and then again and then someone suggested grabbing something to eat after another hot fuck session and pretty soon you were introducing them to your friends and lying to your family about how you met and then someone said “I love you” and the other person said “I love you too” and ten years later you’re still in love. But you’re bored.”
― Dan Savage, Savage Love from A to Z: Advice on Sex and Relationships, Dating and Mating, Exes and Extras

“We are social animals and any honest assessment of how sex actually functions in our lives would lead us to conclude that while its original purpose was purely reproductive, we long ago—eons ago—repurposed it in ways that conferred evolutionary advantages that weren’t solely about passing on our genes. You were likelier to survive and your offspring were likelier to survive if you were liked, and you were likelier to be liked if you gave good head.”
― Dan Savage, Savage Love from A to Z: Advice on Sex and Relationships, Dating and Mating, Exes and Extras