The Better Boundaries Workbook Quotes

“Boundaries create a healthy separation between you and others and define who you are, so you can be yourself and make choices that are right for you.”
― Sharon Martin, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs,and Create Healthy Relationships

“kindness is more productive and will lead to better results in the future.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“takes courage to admit when you’ve disrespected someone’s boundaries, but to create and sustain mature and satisfying relationships you need to be able to acknowledge your mistakes, apologize, and change your behavior. I hope you’re now more aware of how you violate other people’s boundaries, understand that you’re not the only one who struggles with”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“An insincere apology that blames the victim or invalidates their feelings (like the second example) can cause more harm.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“We don’t always like other people’s boundaries; we don’t like being told no or having to compromise. But if we can’t respect other people’s boundaries, our relationships will suffer. We’ll be frequently frustrated and annoyed, we’ll have more arguments, and ultimately, people won’t want to be around us. When we respect other people’s boundaries, we accept their right to self-determination, to do what’s right for themselves. This builds trust and emotional safety because others are more likely to be open and honest with us if they experience us as respectful and nonjudgmental.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“Why this boundary matters to you.
Example: This boundary matters because I need to keep my son safe.
You have the right to set boundaries.
Example: I have the right to decide who or what comes into my home.
When other people respond unfavorably, it doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong.
Example: My father’s anger doesn’t mean I’ve done something wrong.
You’re not responsible for how other people feel about your boundaries or how they respond.
Example: My father’s feelings and actions aren’t my responsibility. It’s not my job to make him feel better.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“Grieving the end of a relationship, or accepting any imperfect solution, is a process that includes remembering why you made this decision, accepting your feelings, finding healthy outlets for your feelings, and treating yourself with kindness.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“Don’t sugarcoat a difficult person’s behavior. You need to name the behavior for what it is: control, manipulation, and abuse. Doing this makes it clear that their behavior is unacceptable, not your fault, and not something you can change. Seeing harmful behavior for what it is can help you accept an imperfect solution, such as getting a divorce or not allowing your children to visit their grandparents.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“Directly calling a difficult person out on their manipulative behavior will cause conflict or further abuse; it won’t result in the person taking responsibility or changing.)”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“Regardless, it’s hard to accept that some people won’t respect us or our boundaries. And even when we focus on what we can control, they may try to sabotage our boundaries with guilt, bullying, and belittling. This is another power play commonly used by difficult people to try to control us. They think that if they make us feel bad enough about setting limits, we’ll back down and they’ll be able to do whatever they want.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“In an ideal world, people would enthusiastically embrace our boundaries and understand our needs and feelings, but this is a fantasy when dealing with difficult people. Because they refuse to change or compromise, we often need to make difficult choices and do things that feel harsh or unloving, such as limiting or ending contact with them, but that are truly in our best interest.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“Difficult people often leave us with few choices for setting and enforcing boundaries, which is why we may choose to accept imperfect solutions.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“Whatever the response, it’s unlikely to be a sincere attempt to change. The more you reason, plead, or threaten, the more defensive, angry, or manipulative the difficult person will become. This leaves you with one choice—do what’s in your power to improve your life.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“For the most part, difficult people won’t comply with requests to change their behavior. They’ll respond with anger (like Amir’s father), deny there’s a problem (like Nigel), play the victim, agree to change but never follow through, or even laugh in your face and walk away.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“Arguing, or even negotiating, with someone who isn’t interested in understanding you or lacks empathy won’t be productive. Try to see this for what it is—a distraction—and don’t take the bait.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“past behavior is usually a strong indicator of future behavior. It’s important not to minimize the dangerous things this person has done or the ways he or she has harmed you or others.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“When dealing with difficult people, we need to take a different approach to setting boundaries than we do with most people. Strategies such as trying to compromise or sharing our feelings won’t work. Instead, we need to focus on being safe, avoiding power struggles, and knowing what we can control. Otherwise, we’ll get stuck in unproductive conversations that deteriorate into arguments, blaming, ultimatums, or worse.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“It’s helpful to become aware of how your mind and body respond to difficult people so you can take steps to care for and protect yourself. Before answering the following questions, you may need to pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations for several days or weeks and then record your answers.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships

“Difficult people can make our lives miserable. They often try to convince us that our boundaries are unreasonable or that we’re mean, unfair, or irrational. However, when someone doesn’t respect our boundaries, it doesn’t mean that we’re asking too much or shouldn’t set boundaries. Other people’s inability or unwillingness to respect our boundaries usually reflects their difficulty with self-management or empathy, not that our needs or boundaries are wrong.”
― Sharon Martin MSW LCSW, The Better Boundaries Workbook: A CBT-Based Program to Help You Set Limits, Express Your Needs, and Create Healthy Relationships