The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky Quotes

“What are you doing tonight?" "I don't know, what are you doing?" Burlesque! Loew's Paradise! Miserable and lonely! Miserable and lonely and stupid! What am I, crazy or something?! I got something good! What am I hanging around with you guys for?!”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“You don't like her. My mother don't like her. She's a dog, and I'm a fat, ugly little man. All I know is I had a good time last night. I'm gonna have a good time tonight. If we have enough good times together, I'm going down on my knees and beg that girl to marry me. It we make a party again this New Year's, I gotta date for the party. You don't like her, that's too bad. (He moves into the booth, sits, turns again to ANGIE, smiles.) When you gonna get married, Angie? You're thirty-four years old. All your kid brothers are married. You oughtta be ashamed of yourself.”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“What kinda family she come from? There was something about her I don't like. It seems funny, the first time you meet her she comes to your empty house alone. These college girls, they all one step from the streets.
(MARTY turns, gowning, to his mother)
MARTY
What are you talkin' about? She's a nice girl.
THE MOTHER
I don't like her.
MARTY
You don't like her? You only met her for two minutes.”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“(MARTY and THE GIRL exit into the kitchen. THE MOTHER stands, expressionless, by her chair watching them go. She remains standing rigidly even after the porch door can be heard being opened and shut. The camera moves up to a close-up of THE MOTHER. Her eyes are wide. She is staring straight ahead. There is fear in her eyes.)”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“THE MOTHER
Hobby! What can she do? She cooks and she cleans. You gotta have a house to clean. You gotta have children to cook for. These are the terrible years for a woman, the terrible years.
THE GIRL
You mustn't feel too harshly against her daughter-in-law. She also wants to have a house to clean and a family to cook for.
(THE MOTHER darts a quick, sharp look at THE GIRL-then looks back”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“My brothers, my brother-in-laws, they're always telling me what a goodhearted guy I am. Well, you don't get goodhearted by accident. You get kicked
around long enough you get to be a real professor of pain. I know exactly how you feel. And I also want you to know I'm having a very good time with you now and really enjoying myself. So you see, you're not such a dog as you think”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“Now and then, some fellow would sort of walk up to me and then change his mind. I just sat there, my hands in my lap. Well, about ten o'clock, a bunch of kids came in swaggering. They weren't more than seventeen, eighteen years old. Well, they swaggered down along the wall, leering at all the girls. I thought they were kind of cute... and as they passed me, I smiled at them. One of the kids looked at me and said: "Forget it, ugly, you ain't gotta chance." I burst out crying. I'm a big crier, you know.”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“I'm gonna see an old lady with white hair, like the old ladies inna park, little bundles inna black shawl, waiting for the coffin. I'm fifty-six years old. What am I to do with myself? I have strength in my hands. I wanna cook. I wanna clean. I wanna make dinner for my children. I wanna be of use to somebody. Am I an old dog to lie in fronta the fire till my eyes close? These are terrible years, Theresa! Terrible years!”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“THE YOUNG MAN
Well, I'll tell you. I got stuck onna blind date with a dog, and I just picked up a nice chick, and I was wondering how I'm gonna get ridda the dog. Somebody to take her home, you know what I mean? I be glad to pay you five bucks if you take the dog home for me.
MARTY
(A little confused)
What?”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“Ma, I'm gonna stay home and watch Sid Caesar.
THE MOTHER
You gonna die without a son.
MARTY
So I'll die without a son.
THE MOTHER
Put on your blue suit...
MARTY
Blue suit, gray suit, I'm still a fat little man. A fat little ugly man.”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“VIRGINIA
(Practically on the verge of tears)
I just can't stand it no more! Every minute of the day! Do this! Do that! I don't have ten minutes alone with my husband! We can't even have a fight! We don't have no privacy! Everybody's miserable in our house!
THOMAS
All right, Ginnie, don't get so excited.
THE MOTHER
She's right. She's right.”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“VIRGINIA
And she begins complaining about this, and she begins complaining about that. And she got me so nervous, I spilled some milk I was making for the baby. You see, I was making some food for the baby, and...
THE MOTHER
So I said to her, "Catherine..."
VIRGINIA
So, she got me so nervous I spilled some milk. So she said: "You're spilling the milk." She says: "Milk costs twenny-four cents a bottle. Wadda you, a banker?" So I said: "Mama, leave me alone, please.”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“I'm a little, short, fat fellow, and girls don't go for me,
that's all. I'm not like you. I mean, you joke around, and they laugh at you, and you get along fine. I just stand around like a bug. What's the sense of kidding myself? Everybody's always telling me to get married. Get married. Get married. Don't you think I wanna get married? I wanna get married. They drive me crazy. Now, I don't wanna wreck your Saturday night for you, Angie. You wanna go somewhere, you go ahead. I don't wanna go.”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“Tell her everything you're scared about. Everybody's scared, Arnold. Everybody's got things in them they're ashamed of. That's what a wife's for. To make you feel you don't have to be ashamed of yourself. Then she tells you what makes her feel miserable.... Then, that's your job. It's your job to make her feel she's not as bad as everybody makes her think she is.”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“We were looking, looking, always looking for something. That's what we've been doing all night tonight. Going from one place to another, looking. What are we looking for? Go home, Eddie, go to bed. I'll take Arnold home, explain to everybody he was drunk, he didn't mean anything.”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“Yeah. That's what happened. We sat around, nobody talked. I don't understand marriage, Charlie. What are you supposed to do with your wife? I mean, most of the time.
CHARLIE
(Thinking)
Most of the time, Arnold, you don't even see each other. You're away working. You come home, and you eat. Then one of you washes the dishes. Then, if you're not tired, you can go to the movies or visit somebody. Or you watch Tee Vee.”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“So I said to Arnold: "I'm cutting out of this madhouse." So they said: "Wait just a couple of minutes, because we're going to have a rehearsal." You'd think they were being married on television...”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“I get real jealous of Eddie sometimes. He's as free as a bird. Did you ever see that convertible he's got? You ought to see the old heap I got. He walks out of here on payday, he can spend the whole works on having himself a good time. I walk out of here, and I got three kids and a wife, all with their palms out. I lost two bucks playing poker at my house last week. It was an economic catastrophe. My wife didn't sleep all night. (Frowning, he looks back to his work, then he looks up again) Look, the jerk is twenty minutes late. If the boss walked in now, he'd fire him. What does Eddie care? So he scrambles around for another job. If that ever happened to me, I'd be afraid to go home.”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“I don't know. Sometimes, I look at Helen. And she's a nice girl and all that. She's pretty. But I feel I'm missing something. I look at Helen, I say: "I must have felt something special to marry this girl.”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“These bachelor parties get a little out of hand sometimes. Eddie Watkins is making all the arrangements. If I know Eddie, he's probably lined up a whole bunch of chorus girls.”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“Maybe you ought to go, Charlie.
CHARLIE
No, they asked me. I told them I didn't want to go.
HELEN
It might do you good to have a night out. I know you're upset about the baby...
CHARLIE
I'm not upset...
HELEN
Come on, Charlie, I know how you feel. Listen, you don't have to pretend you're excited about having a baby. We weren't figuring on a kid right now, and it's a shock. Listen, I wasn't exactly overjoyed when I began to
suspect I was pregnant.”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays

“These bachelor dinners get kind of wild sometimes. Everybody gets loaded. The whole philosophy is that it's the poor groom's last night before he goes into the electric chair. So it gets kind of wild.”
― Paddy Chayefsky, The Collected Works of Paddy Chayefsky: The Television Plays