Darryl Quotes

“Everybody's a socialist now, even the hookers.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“You live vicariously through celebrities, I live vicariously through the guys who fuck my wife. But sure, ok, I'm the weird one.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Everything they told me to be, I never could be. I never could be because I never was. Does that make sense? And even if you’re just like me, even if I try to show you, you won’t see me. Not for years. I feel like the Invisible Man. Actually I’ve never seen that movie or read the book (are they even related? I’m remembering someone taped up like a mummy, but I think the book was about a black guy?).”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Maybe there are cucks who aren't even men. Is that postmodernism?”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Sometimes humans aren't very human.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Moonbeam poured me a cup in what looked like slow motion, from a great height, and painted a Japanese character on a scroll. “Calligraphy,” he said, in a very satisfied way. I almost laughed. Of course it’s calligraphy, that’s literally the fucking word for the thing that you’re doing right now. Do you have anything to say about it?”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“He doesn’t talk about his feelings so much, so he’s kind of a tough nut to crack. Crack it down my throat, maybe.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“The idea of “crossdressing” is so fucked up, man, like what do actual women wear? Not big frilly dresses. T-shirts and jeans, yoga pants, fast fashion bullshit. So what’s crossdressing? That’s what I already wear. It’s just an attitude. I like the frilly lacy stuff as much as the next guy but I’m not trying to support the petticoat-industrial complex. It’s in the soul, man.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“If I thought women were weak, I would think that I, who am weak, was a woman. But women aren’t weak, Kit’s living proof. Some people are weak. So I’m in this null zone that has no name, I’ve fallen out of masculinity, but I never landed, just falling forever. I think I’m too much of a feminist to be trans. But some women are losers too, what if I was like them? That’s something to think about, I guess. I can’t rule that out.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“I guess Bill is sort of that, but it’s such a schoolboy dynamic. I’m sort of his faggot, his lackey, or something.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Clive pointed out that I don’t seem to think very much about women and that’s true. Maybe I’m not taking them seriously. There’s Mindy, and Oothoon, who’s a transwoman, I think that counts. It definitely does. If you’ve got an attitude about that, take it elsewhere. I’m an ally.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“It’s such an intense feeling. I remember thinking, “I’ll never be a real person.” And you know, I wasn’t totally wrong about that. Sometimes I feel like a character in a book. I look at the solidity of a guy like Bill, the analytical precision of Clive or Derek, the raw energy of the bluesmen, Mindy’s capacity for pleasure, Oothoon’s <> That’s real. I don’t think I’m the way I am because of what happened to me as a kid, but I just feel like there’s this hypersensitivity I‘ve always had. This way another guy could make me feel like I’m not real. Even if he wasn’t trying, and I don’t just mean the bullies.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“I wish I could be like some of you guys, really, I do. But all I can be is myself. Hopelessly, despicably, me. Minion style.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Whatever, like I said, I’m not a political guy. This is probably half-baked. But can you imagine if people started Identifying as Hung. I can’t stop laughing.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Thinking about that stuff too much seems like it could be a nightmare. Good thing it’s not my problem, just a curiosity.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Judge me? Cool. How about not judging me instead”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“It’s hard to remember how gloomy I was just a month ago when I went down to the river, when I asked Bill to kill me. I can remember it now. It feels so stupid that I ever wanted to die. And now it’s just me and Bill letting the good times roll. New Orleans style. Maybe every guy like me just needs a best friend with a big cock.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Fantastic balance of spices, but why was mine well done? Everyone else’s was practically raw. I asked him. He just smiled in his usual inscrutable way. “Do you really like it that way, Darryl? Nature red in tooth and claw?” I think I’ve never been so afraid.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Full of dread about dinner with Clive later. I said that to Mindy and she said that she didn’t care and threw up the horns. Wow.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Apparently it goes along with his alpha persona to have a servant, to be sort of the Leporello to his Don Giovanni, if you know opera at all. Actually Bill is a good guy and I think Don Giovanni wasn’t. What the hell is that opera about? Don Giovanni always struck me as a creep, and I always wondered what it meant that a guy like that could be the hero of the story and we’d all just go along like it’s nothing. It’s the same way with Clint Eastwood. There’s something fucked up going on and it’s related to being a man, it’s not just about opera.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Sometimes I feel like my heart is a long hallway with every door locked. Locked by “gross,” “humiliating,” “unsafe,” “bitter,” or just in chastity. Exploring this lifestyle feels like unlocking those doors one at a time, except I guess for the last one.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“I’m not really a nature guy, which is a shame, living out here. Everybody else is, but I think maybe they don’t mean it, they’re doing it because they’re supposed to. One foot in front of the other until they’re at the top of the hill. Then what? Walk back down?”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“It reminded me of how Moses doesn't enter the promised land, he just gets one glimpse of it from a mountaintop and dies. God let him see. Where's my glimpse?”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Oothoon had a phrase that resonated for me, "the colder parts of me can be loved," that was from one of her poems.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“He once told me that he doesn't know how to apologize to people, he just goes away for a long time and lets them process it, then he returns a few times. Wasn't there something about vampires not going in where they're not invited?”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“It's funny how some people always tell you stories about how tough they are, everything they've seen. Mostly they just reveal a lot of damage.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“I want to live, Clive.'
'I know.'
Clive knows everything, so that isn't saying much. I wish he'd said that he agreed, that he cares about me too. But I think that's as good as you get from him.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Also they all seem to be fucking each other and don't take kindly to interest, even as they complain about no one loving them. It's a mess. Have you ever heard of a 'chaser?' Apparently that's the name for a guy who likes them. Have you ever heard of a 'bigot?' Apparently that's the name for a guy who doesn't. What can you do?”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“I wonder if I'll find out Patrick or Clive is 'ironically' fucking my wife, that he doesn't really mean it. Man, what the hell is wrong with people?”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl

“Judge me? Cool. How about not judging me instead.”
― Jackie Ess, Darryl