New Teeth Quotes

“Although I have scheduled over one million meetings, I have never had the privilege of attending one. The reason is that no colleague has ever requested my company. Sometimes I like to watch meetings from a distance and imagine that I am a participant, drinking water, nodding my head, and saying words. My hope is that if I continue to work on my social skills, this dream of mine will someday come to pass.”
― Simon Rich, New Teeth: Stories

“See, that's the big secret to baseball! Don't swing at the pitch you wanted. Swing at the pitch you got.”
― Simon Rich, New Teeth: Stories

“He handed her a tissue, but she didn’t know what a tissue was, so she put it in her mouth and tried to eat it.”
― Simon Rich, New Teeth: Stories