The Big A.S.S. Party Quotes

“I moaned like a lady of the night on pay day”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“Lead on, good man,” I encouraged. Max drew closer to me, his warm breath dancing across my neck. “Oh no, Grus, I’m not a good man at all,” he breathed. “And if I get you back to my bed tonight, you’re going to find out just how bad I am.” “I’m not sure if declaring yourself as bad in the bedroom is the best way to tempt my night garden into action,” I teased”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“Oh, silly boy,” Geraldine said as she looked down at me with wild eyes. “You didn’t think you’d be in charge here, did you?”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“I dunno why I let you fuckwits talk me into trying to do this," he growled, grabbing a fistful of cake and shoving it into his mouth.”
― Caroline Peckham , Susanne Valenti, The Big A.S.S. Party

“Damn you, you sexy sea urchin. Why don't you button your succulent lips and show me what your sea cucumber can do." Max drove his swordfish into my watering hole and I cried out as he pushed me firmly down beneath him.”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“What does the rest of the invite say?" Darius asked, not bothering to make pointless platitudes to us.  Caleb looked down at the fancy little scroll again and carried on reading. "Please confirm your attendance by placing a tear of joy on this page and follow the instructions to the main event." "A tear of what?" Seth asked, snatching the invite from Caleb so that he could read it. "Only Geraldine would believe that everyone invited to the twins' birthday party would be crying from happiness over it," Darius groaned as he cut a look at me. "How the fuck has she put magic on here that recognises a tear of joy?" Seth asked as he tried holding the invite up to the light like he might be able to read the instructions through it if he just squinted hard enough. "I don't see how she could have," I said as I thought it over. "I'm guessing it's looking for salt water.”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“Geraldine: Is Mildred dealt with, you tantalising terrapin? Maxy Boy: She’s all locked up, you sexy starfish.”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“I grabbed Sofia's dress from the rack, the powder pink material glittering all over; it was the same style as the Vegas’ but the skirt was smaller and instead of a constellation it had A.S.S. printed over the breasts. "Oh...wow," she said, her smile tight like she couldn't quite find the words to show her excitement at this wonderous gift. "I can't wait to see you in that, baby," Tyler said, grinning at her. "I hope you've got something for Tyler to wear, Geraldine," Sofia said with a smirk and I nodded keenly as Tyler's jaw dropped with what I had to assume was utter excitement. "Does a whale wear a willy muff in the chilly waters of Wackerton?" I laughed, hurrying to the rack again, taking two suits from it, holding one toward Tyler and the other to Diego. They were starkly white like the sheets of a virgin, but the undershirts were gold and shimmery like a Pegasus horn.”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“My Atlas rang in my pocket and I answered it with a smirk as I spotted Geraldine's name on the caller ID. "Hey, Gerry, you calling to ask me to be your date to the-" "Quit the lothario act you bungling baboon! We have a code brown!" "Someone shit themselves?" "No, you nincompoop! Someone spilled the beans!”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“I'm sinning with a seabass and tangling with his tentacles," she moaned. "I'm a wanton lady of the shore, dipping my toes in salty waters.”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“Trout. Salmon. Eel. Dolphin. Carp. Guppy. Catfish. Bass. Neon tetra. Cod. Pilchard. Cuttlefish. Tuna. Barracuuuuuuuuuuda!”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“What's going on?" Darcy asked in alarm. "This pest of a poodle was sneaking up on you to do some dastardly deed! I see you Seth Capella and I challenge you to a duel!" I cried, casting another vine to whip around and tie my hair up into a firm knot. Oh, what barbarous things I could do to this terrible terrier, this lamentable Labrador, this heinous husky. "I was not," Seth balked. "I just came here to talk to Darcy. Alone if you don’t mind." "I do mind! I mind as much as a tomato minds when it is denounced as a vegetable even though it is clearly a fruit!" "No offence, but are you on something? Because I wanna try it." Seth smirked”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“Does a whale wear a willy muff in the chilly waters of Wackerton?”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“Because I'm a hateful bitch who believed no one could ever love me for so long that I ended up making it come true.”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“Well soak my vegetable patch,”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“Oh sparkly spatulas in a strudel! Strudel me! Strudel me!" "Am I strudelling?”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“Am I strudelling?”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“Let’s see if you can water the lawn.”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“like melty butter on the softest of bagels.”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“Well, if you aren’t just a fruit salad filled with banana drama,”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“The sand was cool beneath my tootsies and the air warm on my flesh as I danced to the rhythm of the moon in my undies.”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“You kept a bunch of shirtless pictures of your students?” Seth asked in disgust and Washer raised his hands innocently. “Only to show support to our Pitball team of course. I couldn’t help but admire the way you aren’t afraid to get down and dirty while handling all of those temperamental balls,” he said, waggling his eyebrows at us. “I’m pretty sure I’ve made it clear I’m not going to put up with this kind of shit from you,” Darius warned him.”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“say we dig a big hole and bury her in it," Seth suggested before turning and licking the icing off of Caleb’s cheek which earned him a half-hearted punch to the ribs. "She's got earth magic too, genius, she'd just escape," I pointed out. "I never said bury her alive," he said, waggling his eyebrows like an idiot.”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“I'll ride you like a hog at a barbecue," Mildred added. "Is that a thing?" Darius asked, swallowing thickly, his jaw clenched like he was trying to hide a grimace.”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“If you can't handle the idea of me meeting other people, maybe even hooking up with them, then we can just call tine on thig thing between us. Because I'm not ever going to put my life on hold for a man. Especially one who doesn't think I'm good enough to make the cut for the long term”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“his hot sand dollar landed right on my throbbing rose bud. "Apple crumble on Christmas morning!" I gasped as he gave me a good shrubbing.”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“I like to rest my noggin on a nice firm block of man meat, not wallow in the wetlands, you silly swordfish.”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party

“Fate is a funny friend and a heartless enemy.”
― Caroline Peckham, The Big A.S.S. Party