Armageddon Quotes

“Joe you idiot!” He jumped up and down on the desk, waving his arms frantically. “Don’t you know that if you recite the Ikea catalog in the wrong order, you could accidentally summon a demon?”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“Also, I had to remember that word ‘committee’ had two Ms, two Ts and two Es in only nine letters, which told me that a committee was not a good way to do anything efficiently.”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“How would you invade Canada?” “Jeez, it’s not something I’ve thought about. Probably, um,” I stared at the ceiling. “Infiltrate small groups across the border undercover as hockey fans, then they seize control of strategically important Tim Horton’s donut shops? Without access to coffee and Timbits,” I chuckled, “their economy would grind to a halt.”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“the greatest force in the Universe is the Law of Unintended Consequences”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“a buddy will understand why the stupid thing you want to do is cool. A true friend will say ‘That is a terrible idea. We should get Darryl to do it’.”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“The light we’re seeing left our Sun three hundred thousand years ago,” I had not actually asked a question. “That is a loooong time.” “Indeed it is, Joe,” Skippy agreed. “When that light left your home star, Thag the Caveman had just sat down for what he was assured would be a short wait at the Department of Motor Vehicles. Sadly, he is still waiting.”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“Do the details matter right now? The Tajiks might have sent a hit squad to Magnus Skippton’s supposed home in the Cayman Islands.”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“her being the person who first advised a nuclear strike on Dayton Ohio.”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“People in general do not like to hear hard truths, and politicians get elected by telling people what they want to hear, even if the voting public knows the politicians are lying to them.”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“Pausing to stare at the ceiling gives you time to calm down, when what you really want to do is choke the asshole on the other side of the table.”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“No, I told myself, we were never going to talk about it, because trying to get Skippy to take responsibility for his actions was a total waste of time.”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“Never bring a starship to a wormhole fight.”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“that word ‘committee’ had two Ms, two Ts and two Es in only nine letters, which told me that a committee was not a good way to do anything efficiently.”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“The network believed the Dutchman entered the wormhole safely, so if it did not come out the other end, the network would consider that a violation of causality. To avoid that, it sort of reset the game clock to a probability in which the Dutchman really did survive.”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“I am sure that long after the beta site is fully populated, that committee will still have a generous budget to ‘study’ the issue, and much of that money will be stolen by officials in tiny countries you never heard of.”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“Pausing to stare at the ceiling gives you time to calm down, when what you really want to do is choke the asshole on the other side of the table. I am not an expert, but I think choking would not be a good negotiating technique.”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon

“Having empathy makes you a better person.” “Really? Really, Joe? Think about this; if Genghis Khan had worried about ‘empathy’,” he pronounced the word with disgust, “would he have conquered most of Eurasia? I don’t think so.” “Um, laying waste to half the world is maybe not the best criteria for-” “He was living up to his potential, Joe. Being the best bloodthirsty barbarian he could be. Isn’t that people are supposed to do, become the best version of themselves? I saw that bullshit on an inspirational poster somewhere.”
― Craig Alanson, Armageddon