Screwed Quotes

“I still don’t think I’m half a person, and I don’t think you are either,” he concludes. “But maybe my heart found something in common with yours that made our love even more beautiful than ordinary love.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“That’s what you do for your boyfriends, right? You twist yourself in pretzels doing everything you can to make them think you’re their perfect match, not bothering to wonder for a second if they’re right for you.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“You can finally meet my snake,” I say happily. Daniel snorts a laugh. “Pretty sure I’ve met your snake.” I cock my head and then realize he thinks I’m making an innuendo. Oh well, it’ll be more fun when he finds out later.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“You can’t do this to him,” he says, ignoring my protest. “He’s too sweet to be toyed with.” I roll my eyes. “He’s too sweet to be mocked mercilessly by his friends,” I counter, and Ren’s expression morphs from disappointment to guilt.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“The man is a big teddy bear; he needs someone to stick up for him every once in a while.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“Until they got together, I had no idea how over the moon happy I could be for him while being so fucking jealous I can’t see straight at the same time. Every time he calls him honeybee, I swoon a little and want to puke all at once.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“I want to crawl into his lap, but I don’t even think that will be enough. I want to climb inside him and find a way to live there. I want Ollie’s skin to be my skin, his lips to be my lips, his pleasure and pain and joy to all be the same as mine. I want a million impossible things. But most of all I never want to stop kissing him.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“In the bathroom, I splash some water on my face and notice the silver band on my finger. I shake my head at myself. What is it with me and Vegas? Couldn’t I have gotten some coke or a prostitute like a normal person? No, I had to go and drunkenly marry a dude who’s already rejected me. If that’s not a classic Ollie move, I don’t know what is.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“Since when do I think of any relationships in terms of anything other than hours or days? But, fuck, with Ollie I want that. I want to think about next month, next year, forever.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“I love you,” I whisper into the dark. I can only imagine the look of horror or amusement on his face if I ever said it to him while he’s conscious. But while he’s asleep, it’s safe…for him anyway. For me? Well, I’m completely and utterly screwed.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“He may not be mine to keep, but right now I have him, and that’s all that matters.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“I want a million impossible things. But most of all I never want to stop kissing him.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“I turn my face back toward the sky and close my eyes. I wish this was real.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“You twist yourself in pretzels doing everything you can to make them think you’re their perfect match, not bothering to wonder for a second if they’re right for you.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“Living together is never going to work if you think you need to tiptoe around me or try to cater to me.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“Do you have some kind of marriage punch card? Like, once you hit five, will you get a free divorce?”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“I accidentally spilled my coffee on him…okay, fine, accidentally may be a strong word, but he’s hot, and we needed a meet cute. You can’t always wait around for fate to do all the work for you. Sometimes, you need to roll up your sleeves and get it done yourself.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“Kinky Boys,”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed

“Do you have a vibrator in your carry on?” Cole asks.
“Um…no?” Stone answers unconvincingly. “Those are…emotional support bees.”
“Emotional support bees?” Ev repeats with a smirk.
“Ah, there it is.” The buzzing stops, but before he can re-zip his bag, Cole snags it and peeks inside.
“It’s a butt plug.” He pulls the plug out of the bag and holds it up triumphantly.
“You realize that’s been in my ass, right?” Stone says casually, and Cole’s expression morphs from teasing to horrified as he drops the plug. It thuds and then bounces when it hits the ground, a few passersby looking on with expressions ranging from amused to horrified. Dare stoops down to pick up the plug and stuffs it back into the bag.
“Are you even allowed to take that in your carry-on?” Watson, Everett’s boyfriend, asks curiously.
“Oh shit, I’m not sure. Should I put it in instead?” Stone asks.
“Don’t worry, I Googled it. You’re allowed to have it in your carry-on,” Dare assures him.
“I’m glad one of us is on top of things,” he says with relief.
“Always,” Dare says with a meaningful smirk, and Stone lets out a surprised laugh.”
― K.M. Neuhold, Screwed