Forever Is Now Quotes

“So, you’ve still been listening to SOUR on repeat I gather? Evan responds. Why you got to read me like that?! I choke on a laugh. Olivia Rodrigo just gets it, okay? It’s a good breakup album. A whole vibe.”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“Instead, I hit play on my favorite album these days: SOUR. I turn my speakers to max volume, and roll back into my covers. I close my eyes I let Olivia Rodrigo’s voice soothe me back into nothingness.”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“When Mom says: Be strong. I hear: Your anxiety is a weakness. It is not “normal.” And when Mom says: Don’t let the outside world see that you’re hurting. I hear: This is something to be ashamed about. And when she says: Don’t give folks additional ammo to target you with. I hear: Maybe keep this close, don’t embarrass the family. I wish Mom”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“I love you too, Mom.
And it's not a lie,
it just hurts a little when I say it.”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“Agoraphobia often presents alongside other mental health disorders—like your panic disorder and generalized anxiety— and although it’s going to take some time we can work together to get you back to a place where you feel you can resume your regular functions.”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“I believe it’s agoraphobia. A-gora-pho-bia? I say, processing the word in my head. In simple terms, Dr. Candace continues, agoraphobia is the fear of fear. It’s the fear of being in a place or a situation where you might panic in turn feeling trapped, out of control, or embarrassed. Does this sound like what happened at the lake?”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“And of course, you can fall apart at home, with us. All you want. We got you. But you can’t stop living your life. You have to be strong, for yourself to put one foot in front of the other. Don’t let the outside world see that you’re hurting. Don’t give them any more ammo than they already think they have to target you with.”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“Life is not fair. I know. What you saw at the lake that was horrible, and I wish I could have protected you from it. Mom—you know it’s not just that, right? I manage to get out. It’s everything. It’s all too much. You think I WANT to feel like this?”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“I worried about you, Sadie girl, she starts. This staying home all the days of your life … in your room … it’s a lot. Can’t you try a little harder? To be happy? I know it’s a big burden to always have to be strong all the time.”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“Take a deep breath, Sadie, Dr. Candace says. It’s okay to not be okay right now. Your parents and I had some time to talk before you came on. They told me what you witnessed at the lake. That would be triggering for anyone, but especially for someone who lives with chronic anxiety.”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“Dad doesn’t even correct me for swearing, he just gets up and wraps me in a tight hug. Charlie joins him and we stay in silence like this. Everything we could say or want to say communicated through our drumming hearts our coursing blood and the knowing, deep in our bones that all we can control is this: how much we love each other.”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“It was awful, I say. Really, really fucked up. She wasn’t doing anything wrong. I’m fine, not physically hurt. But I had a panic attack.”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“I sit on my bed wrapped in my towel close my eyes and inhale for four counts exhale for four counts until I’m steady. You can do this. You can do this. I whisper out loud. Evan will be there. You don’t have to be in the thick of it. You are in charge of your own body. I take deep breaths, repeating my affirmations and soon the beads of sweat dissipate, and I remember that Charlie and Dad are in the kitchen cheffing up my favorite: homemade tofu pad Thai.”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“Boxing is a coping skill what my therapist, Dr. Candace, calls: stress relief, an endorphin boost a way to channel all my worry.”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“How was the lake? He turns now, takes one look at me and says— Uh-oh. You need to hit the bag, huh? I nod, and ball my fists at my sides. My brother knows me well enough to understand when I don’t have language”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“You good? Sadie, can you hear me? Just keep breathing. Everything is okay. They got her in the cop car now. She’s messed up, but she’s alive.”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“But I am also thinking of the jar, of the audacity of those empty brown shells, of Gram’s words: They only live a day or so with wings. Why come out of the ground at all? If when you emerge       finally wings sharp and iridescent life as you know it can be over in a flash?”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now

“my head screams: You’re too much to handle too much mess.”
― Mariama J. Lockington, Forever Is Now