Born to be Mild Quotes

“Just outside the main door of the hotel, a man with an Irish accent asks to borrow my phone. ‘I was DJing up in the mountains and now I have to call me mother.’ It’s not the most convincing story I’ve heard. ‘I’m really sorry, I can’t give you my phone,’ I reply. ‘I’m going in this door now, sorry.’ He tells me to piss off (which is surely what I’m already doing?) and to go and have sex with myself (on my list).”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild

“You enter the place through a door (classic)”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild

“I was buzzing my moobs off.”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild

“People (it’s always people, isn’t it?)”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild

“I keep trying to run away from anxiety but it follows me everywhere I go. Almost like it’s in my brain.”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild: Adventures for the Anxious

“The salad is in some kind of black plant pot, with KFC-style fried popcorn chicken, iceberg lettuce that seems to have been fed through a paper shredder and the dressing in an artful Z shape across the top, as if, with a flourish, Zorro has jizzed on my meal. Olé!”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild: Adventures for the Anxious

“If every day is a school day, then today’s lesson is that toothpaste will react to trying to be stuffed into something small and tight by ejaculating all over your arm.”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild: Adventures for the Anxious

“Stansted is busy with travellers in dark coats and red scarves – apart from one lady in a dressing gown – spending their Christmas money, trudging wearily around like Lowry people.”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild: Adventures for the Anxious

“I perch on the thin, freezing bench (on my arse, not like a canary) and tense everything, retracting into myself like a spooked whelk, while teenagers in school blazers chirp in sarcastic bursts and giggles around me.”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild: Adventures for the Anxious