Battleborne Quotes

“When his mana had recovered enough, he left the corpse and ran toward the campfire shouting, “Get down!”  When the two dwarves instantly hit the dirt, he slid down next to them, turned and pointed toward the spidorc corpse and said “Boom!” There was a satisfying splat a moment later as the monster’s head exploded, coating the surrounding forest in a spray of gore in about a ten foot radius.  “I don’t mean to be disrespectful, yer highness,” the sergeant managed to put sarcasm into the emphasis on the title, “But cut that shit out.”  He grumbled, making Max laugh.  Dalia looked at him crossly for a moment before she too began to laugh.  Finally, the sergeant joined in, shouting “Boom!”
― Dave Willmarth, Battleborne

“Max claimed his own plate full of juicy steak, potatoes, gravy, and bread.  When he reached the table, the others toasted him again, one of them handing him a mug of ale to join them.  He spent a leisurely hour eating and drinking, accepting praise and good-natured criticism from the other dwarves as they passed his blade around.  The dwarf across from him, was just saying, “Ach!  This blade be defective!  I can see me reflection in it, but I can’t be this ugly!”
― Dave Willmarth, Battleborne

“I recognize magnesite.  From my explosives training years ago.  It’s a source of magnesium.” He muttered, turning the stone over and over in his hand.  “Correct again.  As you increase your Mining skill, you will eventually learn how to convert the raw ore into usable material.  Or you can simply purchase the Refining and Smelting skills.” Max shook his head.  “Assuming I ever make it to a settlement of some kind.” He stared harder at the stone.  “I am going to try something.  You might want to back up.” Stepping well back from the fire himself, he picked up a discarded leaf from one of his firewood sticks and laid it flat on the ground.  Using his thumbnail, he scraped at the magnesite vein inside the rock.  Initially he was very careful and slow, not wanting to create friction, and thus heat, as he scratched.  A few small particles dropped onto the leaf.  Another two minutes of careful scraping, and he had accumulated a tiny pile of the mineral, about the size of a pea.  Setting the stone down, he carefully wrapped the leaf around the magnesite dust. “Alright, here goes nothing.” He took another step back from the fire, then gently tossed the leaf bundle into it.  There was a brief delay, then a bright white flash as the heat reached the magnesite dust and a molten flame shot upward for about two seconds. Skill level increase!  Your Mining skill has increased by +1! Max uttered is best evil overlord laugh.  “Muah ha ha!”
― Dave Willmarth, Battleborne

“Regin pretended not to notice, directing his gaze at Smitty.  “I know that the lad Steelbender be makin ye a sword, and scale armor.  And Max here be holdin’ enough scales fer a complete set fer ye both.  I see’d ye admirin’ the bow Max lent ye, so I made ye one o’ yer own.” Regin produced a bow and a quiver filled with arrows, and handed them over.  Smitty followed Dalia’s lead, dropping to one knee and bowing his head as he accepted the gifts.  “Thank you, Regin.  You are one kickass god!” “Ha!  This one learns quick!” Regin chuckled as Smitty checked out his gift. When Smitty saw the name in the description, his face split into a wide grin.  “Yesss!” Smitty’s Bow of Shootyness Item Quality: Unique, Epic Attributes:  Agility +5;  Strength +5, Dexterity +4, Luck +3 Enchantment: Sure-flight. This weapon set was crafted for Smitty the Battleborne by Regin himself.  The metal alloy used in both the bow and the arrows will not bend or break, and has a 50% increased chance of accepting enchantments.  The bowstring is made from the hamstring of a troll, and will regenerate itself when damaged.   Sure-flight Enchantment increases user’s chance of hitting intended targets by 50%.”
― Dave Willmarth, Battleborne

“When it was in range, Zrebnightlingrir jumped up and slapped Max in the face with that hand.  Max felt the sting of a needle before an almost instant feeling of extreme nausea overwhelmed him.  Unable to bend over or move in any way, his stomach could not force the rising bile past his esophagus and out of his system.  Max wailed soundlessly as he began to suffocate on what was left of the stale sandwiches rising up from his stomach. “Fool!  Did you honestly believe you had any hope of defeating me?” The lich stared up at Max, a look of disgust on his pale-skinned face.  Max glared at him, unable to even move his head.  A moment later the lich waved a hand, he felt his face muscles loosening, and he was able to move his mouth.  “Answer me!” the lich demanded. The feeling returned to Max’s face, then his neck, and his chest.  Though his arms and legs still refused to move.  Max spewed vomit all over the dwarf, then gasped in a deep lungful of much-needed air. The lich ignored the nastiness that now coated his face and robe, jabbing Max in the belly with his staff.  “Answer!” “I did not know you existed ten minutes ago.” Max croaked, spitting out some remaining bile.  “But yes, I will defeat you!  Boom!”  Max cast the spell, then jerked his head backwards, throwing his frozen body off balance enough to begin to fall.”
― Dave Willmarth, Battleborne

“Zrebnightlingrir the Necromancer”
― Dave Willmarth, Battleborne

“Next she put her hand on a book.  “These books are higher order spells, and much more expensive.  This first one I wrote myself.  I call it Jump!   And no, it doesn’t make you jump high. This is way better!” She actually stepped up onto the counter and moved across to whisper to him, her head still only chest-high to Max.  “It’s teleportation magic.  Lets you jump from one place to another in a single blink!” “Shuuuut up and take my money!”
― Dave Willmarth, Battleborne

“Great.  We can set aside a little time each evening before I sleep.  It’ll be almost like you’re telling me a bedtime story each night.” He grinned at her.  “Also, if I encounter another one, maybe whisper in my ear or give me some kind of sign, so I don’t offend them without realizing?” “Signal?” “Yeah, maybe hoot like an owl?  Or, I don’t know, something like this?”  He went through a complicated series of baseball signals, just to mess with her.  He stuck out his tongue, touched his nose, then his elbow, ran one hand across his chest, held up three fingers, then inverted them and waved his hand back and forth, gave her a thumbs up, and finished with a middle-finger salute. “That’s… what does that even… there’s no way I’m gonna…” She spluttered at him, and he couldn’t hold a straight face.”
― Dave Willmarth, Battleborne

“Level up!  You are now a Level 2 Chimera. You have earned three free attribute points. You have learned the skill: Polearm! Your effective, if not entirely accurate wielding of the halberd, using its thrown, thrusting, and sweeping functions has earned you the Polearm skill. Continued use of this skill may increase its level and functionality. You have learned the ability: Intimidate! The poor little goblins, seeing a giant with dark skin and fangs in dwarven armor, roaring as it rushed toward them, were understandably afraid, and yes, intimidated. Continued use of this skill may increase its level and functionality. You have learned the skill:  Two-handed Weapon! This was a close one.  You swung that two-handed axe like you were swatting at flies.  It was ugly, but you did hit things.  You did it with one hand, but the weapon was two-handed, so let’s go with that. Continued use of this skill may increase its level and functionality. You have learned the skill: One-handed Weapon! On further reflection, screw it.  You did swing that big heavy axe with one hand. Continued use of this skill may increase its level and functionality.”
― Dave Willmarth, Battleborne

“The impact didn’t damage him, but it did knock him off balance, and he fell awkwardly onto his butt.  A red “-2” flashed across his vision.  “What the…?”  He sat where he was, watching the number fade away, then shook his head.  “Clear enough.  Just took two points of fallin-on-my-ass damage.”
― Dave Willmarth, Battleborne