Doctor How and the Big Finish Quotes

“Actually,” said Kevin. “It’s a bit like Star Wars. Right near the end of Return of the Jedi Luke discovers that–” “Oh, will you stop your infernal wittering about that stupid film,” shouted Cassandra. “I watched the original trilogy with the Doctor on a girls’ night in and it was plagiarised from every myth and fairy story that was ever written. The Doctor and I had never laughed so much.”
― Mark Speed, Doctor How and the Big Finish: Book 5

“So much for not standing out!” she hissed. “Being conspicuous by acting the part is often the best way to anonymity,” he said. “That’s good tradecraft.”
― Mark Speed, Doctor How and the Big Finish: Book 5

“No. Look, I’m not selling you a time-travel adventure and I’m not selling you a story about a hapless human having to hitchhike around the galaxy, because then that would simply be more of the same, wouldn’t it?” “I get that, Francis. They’re not human, so forget the hitchhiking. What special powers do they have? I mean, they do have special powers, don’t they?” “They are masters of administration.” “Ah. I see. Anything else? Telepathy? Telekinesis?” “Oh, yes,” enthused Why. “They can spot even a minor breach of rules from a million miles, and they can swoop in to put it right.” “Hmm. So is… is that it?” “Of course not! Once they find even the tiniest infraction they can immediately propose and–wait, this is the genius bit–implement a new, tighter set of regulations!”
― Mark Speed, Doctor How and the Big Finish: Book 5

“Why laughed. “Ah, yes–environmental legislation. So much red tape can be disguised as green. Good old red-green colour-blindness.”
― Mark Speed, Doctor How and the Big Finish: Book 5

“Then after a while I realised that if there’s one person I’d arrest, it would be Miss Marple herself.” Bunce paused for effect. “She’s a one-woman crime wave, if you think about it. Everywhere this interfering old bag goes, people get murdered.”
― Mark Speed, Doctor How and the Big Finish: Book 5

“If our wonderful impostor had been in charge of the whole Bricky situation, then he would have wrestled that first dragon to the ground in the middle of the men’s finals at Wimbledon right in front of the royal box with the entire Royal Family in attendance, possibly with Sir Elton John playing the incidental music, and then finished it off with his sonic sodding screwdriver. As a finale he’d have magicked up strawberries and cream for the entire crowd at no extra cost, making Jesus’s feeding of the five thousand look like the act of a misanthropic miser.”
― Mark Speed, Doctor How and the Big Finish: Book 5

“What the hell do you mean ‘your’ Doctor?” asked Schlutz. “If you’re British,” explained Peterson, “Doctor Who is an intrinsic part of your childhood, whether you’re a fan or not. And you’ll find that most people over a certain age have an actor who was their favourite incarnation. Generally, but not exclusively, it’s the one who was in the role when you were a certain age.”
― Mark Speed, Doctor How and the Big Finish: Book 5

“Breaking: Doctor Who saves parliament from alien attack–BBC denies knowledge, says ‘not a stunt’–Time Lord stops terror attack after Army defence fails”
― Mark Speed, Doctor How and the Big Finish: Book 5

“Behold, the TARDIS!” said the Master, rising from his seat. There was an awkward cough from the most junior member. “It’s actually a Spectrel. TARDIS is the fictional name used in the BBC TV series. And for copyright reasons, even in a work of parody there’s actually a limit to—” “Yes!” yelled the Master. “I know!” He slammed the palm of his hand down. “I meant Spectrel. Damn Doctor Who and his megalomaniac domination of cult sci-fi television.”
― Mark Speed, Doctor How and the Big Finish: Book 5