Promises Lovers Make When It Gets Late Quotes

“The guarantee, in our psychic life, is not with speech but with this phantasy object, which means that in the field of love, although we have to speak, the certainty is not there but somewhere else. Kierkegaard once w rote, ‘To be resolved means to be silent,’ and although being silent is the last thing a speaking being can do, it suggests nonetheless a new definition of love. Without wishing to suggest that the vows of silence replace the efforts of speech, it shows how love does not consist in making a promise, but in keeping the promises one never made.”
― Darian Leader, Promises Lovers Make When It Gets Late

“If the word offers insecurity and lack of certainty, each one of us has a special kind of unconscious anchor centering less on language than on a bit of the body, be it a voice, a glance or something else. A particular element will be privileged and will form a part of the framework which makes us interested in some things and not in others. It is this relation to an object which is so particular; even if the object itself might seem to be the same. When we ask ‘How many hippies, Sloane rangers, psychoanalysts . . .does it take to change a lightbulb?’, it is exactly this dimension that is made clear: a lightbulb might forever be a light-bulb, but our relations to it are profoundly different, and indeed, our individuality is defined, in a sense, by how were late to it.”
― Darian Leader, Promises Lovers Make When It Gets Late

“The paradox here is less this manifest contrast between the Don Juan and the man who can never do anything than the fact that the men who are so careful not to act, so patient that they can spend their whole lives waiting, are the same men who cannot tolerate the petty delays that make up so much of their existence. The same man who spends his days dreaming about the moment when he will actually do something may explode if he cannot get his coffee moment the wants it or if the number he is dialling is
engaged.”
― Darian Leader, Promises Lovers Make When It Gets Late

“One might then assume that having a strong ego means having a strong identity, being really convinced about who one is. But once again, the phrase is deceptive. The ego is not a pole of fixed identity as such, but refers always to someone else, the borrowed image of another person or, in this case, a kind of annex to the desire of the mother in the way that a child will assume an image that it believes the mother is interested in. Having a strong ego thus means being suspended in a strong way on the desire of someone else.”
― Darian Leader, Promises Lovers Make When It Gets Late

“But what Kris’ material shows is something more precise, how giving a value to whatever belongs to someone else does not make one’s own position any easier: what the man cannot do, in this case, is to have something. And, as the material shows,this is where he has lodged his unconscious enjoyment: he is desperate not to have something that belongs to himself. The problem, of course, is that maintaining this position indeed gives him the idea that he does: the satisfaction is in the subjectivity, which is embodied in the refusal. Instead of aiming to have ideas, he enjoys by being someone without them.”
― Darian Leader, Promises Lovers Make When It Gets Late