My Big Fat Fake Engagement Quotes

“When this all goes to shit and my best friend rightfully punches me the fuck out, takes my company, and kicks me out of his life, I'm going to remember this moment right here. The moment it all seems worth it."

Her lips start to lift, and I tell myself that I'm doing the right thing. The right thing for me, for once in my damn life.

"With you standing in front of me, back straight, fire in your eyes, hair a mess from my hands, and that ring on your finger. When that happens, help me remember, okay?"

Courtney nods, licking her lips and moving into my space. She presses me into the counter with her body, bare tits pressed to my chest and hope in her eyes.

Hope for me. For us.

And it's beautiful and sweet and all I ever wanted.

"It'll be okay, Kaede. It'll be finer than fine, I promise."

Sure, it will. I nod, even though I don't believe her. I'm only risking ... everything. Court might lose some face, and yeah, Ross will be mad at her. But she's his sister. He'll forgive her.

But he legit might kill me.

I kiss her anyway, signing my own death certificate.”
― Lauren Landish, My Big Fat Fake Engagement

“each other’s ass, but I think the result would be the same . . . that I feel accepted. Loved. Enough. “I don’t know anyone else good enough for my baby sister,” Ross says, as emotional about this as I am. “Hey, I’m getting in on this action,” Courtney says, and suddenly, our hug becomes a three-way. “Take care of my boy, Court,” he tells her, and I can’t help but smile. Ross has always been a pivot point for us, the one who brought us together, and in a way, the one who kept us apart. But now that I know he’s not just okay with me and Court but is actually happy for us, it’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. No, like a truck, because that fucker was heavy. Violet joins in too. “Don’t make me cry. I don’t have time for lasagna and redoing my makeup.” Courtney reaches to a bowl on the counter and unwraps a piece of chocolate. “Open.” Violet does as commanded and eats the candy with that wiggle of happiness all women do when you feed them good food. “Just to be clear . . . we’re not telling Archie that you’re my brother,” Ross says as Violet heads back to her lasagna. “Agreed.” We fist bump on that, and I draw us back to the issue of the evening”
― Lauren Landish, My Big Fat Fake Engagement

“please tell me know.”
― Lauren Landish, My Big Fat Fake Engagement

“Dlong”
― Lauren Landish, My Big Fat Fake Engagement

“insure”
― Lauren Landish, My Big Fat Fake Engagement

“You’re a smart cookie.”
― Lauren Landish, My Big Fat Fake Engagement

“Don’t let time pass with your focus so narrowed that you miss out on the big picture. I have a wonderful life, but when I say that, I don’t mean the corner office and this house. It’s you, Abigail, and Ross. It’s your mother. My family is the most important thing to me.”
― Lauren Landish, My Big Fat Fake Engagement

“Drama sells, even if it’s fake.”
― Lauren Landish, My Big Fat Fake Engagement

“I’m just pulling ’em out like a magician with never-ending handkerchiefs, ’cept they’s condoms. One right after the last. And I’m thanking my lucky stars that I have on rubber gloves for all this . . . body fluid.”
― Lauren Landish, My Big Fat Fake Engagement

“And as your big sister, it’s my job to keep that heart unbroken or break the kneecaps of whoever breaks your heart. And let’s be honest, breaking Kaede’s kneecaps is gonna be hella difficult for me. So help me to help you. No broken hearts, no broken kneecaps, and no jail for me.”
― Lauren Landish, My Big Fat Fake Engagement

“Let's get ready for dinner. We've got a fake engagement to sell."

I groan, knowing she's right, but for the first time, work and success aren't my priority. Courtney is.

I am so fucked.

I'm not, my cock chimes in with a whine.

Later, I promise.”
― Lauren Landish, My Big Fat Fake Engagement

“Abi snaps her fingers. "Focus, here. Now for those of us in here who are ignorant of certain facts, or pretending to be, you know who sends flowers? Men who got fucked or who fucked up." She holds up one finger and then another, giving the two options. "So, which is it? Did our mysterious Kaede fuck up so badly that he had to call my first thing this morning to order flowers? Or is your vajayjay so good that he was calling me for 'thank you for letting me into your lady cave' flowers? Which is it? Are we mad at him, because I've got a compost pile if we need to ditch his body, or is he the latest addict to the Courtney cream?”
― Lauren Landish, My Big Fat Fake Engagement

“I can't believe you told Nana that you made this cake," Violet admonishes him.

He shrugs, not caring in the least. "Well, I made the money that I bought it with, so that's almost the same thing. And it's good.”
― Lauren Landish, My Big Fat Fake Engagement