Notes From Your Therapist Quotes

“I often think we're really seeking one main thing: people whose eyes, when they see us, light up with delight.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“I wish I hadn't been taught that it was my job to make people happy all the time instead of that people are allowed to feel not happy.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“To get back to the person I am, I had to reject so much of who I was told that I was.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“Person 1: I'm hurting.
Person 2: Just don't think about it.
Person 1's nervous system: {Not a chance.}”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“You hate being needy but anyone who shamed you for needing support, safety, or love was just in conflict with their own neediness. People are built for emotional needs--it's what defines being human.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“No matter who you are, life is desperately hard sometimes. People we love die, and the longer we live, the more we find that's worth grieving. People we trust abandon us. Happy times come to an end. Circumstances change in ways that hurt us. Emotional needs go unmet. Trust gets broken. We are forced to let go of people, places, and things we loved dearly. There's even grief in letting go of who we thought we were.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“When I tell someone who is hurting to think positive, feel better, be grateful, etc.
it's not them who can't handle feeling sad,
it's me.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“The good news: We can start practicing new skills in life anytime we want. Here are some examples of things I'm always practicing:
1. How to say what I mean, as simply as possible, and not make people guess (even if I think they should).
2. How to reach out when I want to shut down.
3. How to just let myself feel sad, lonely, confused, a mess, when I would rather do this thing I always do and check out.
4. How to not be impatient or careless with the feelings of people I love.
5. How to listen and not try to solve someone else's problems.
6. How to take a break when I'm overwhelmed, and promise to return to the conversation a little later.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“People we love have difficult feelings. That's not something to fix or run away from. But accepting that can take practice if you grew up learning that painful feelings were some kind of failure.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“Human beings are a species evolved for secure connection with others--that's just human biology & neuroscience.
But some of us wonder if we can feel secure without being abandoned
&
some of us wonder if we can feel secure without being overwhelmed.
Some of us a little of both.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“Taking good care of yourself includes: knowing yourself, your feelings, and your values listening to your body for when you need rest, solitude, play, or connection having good boundaries with your feelings, relationships, time, and energy being honest about who you are, your values, and what you want in life letting yourself need others and ask for help”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes from Your Therapist

“Choosing to take care of yourself first enables you to do all the things you want to in life, without resentment. Taking good care of yourself is the foundation on which all the other things must rest.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes from Your Therapist

“When I tell someone who is hurting to think positive, feel better, be grateful, etc. it’s not them who can’t handle feeling sad, it’s me.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes from Your Therapist

“I often think we’re really seeking one main thing: people whose eyes, when they see us, light up with delight.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes from Your Therapist

“Feelings are just your body talking to you about how you’re doing in the moment.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes from Your Therapist

“Disagreeing with someone you love doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It just means that you’re separate people. Which is okay.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes from Your Therapist

“Some days I’m not okay and I’m not trying to fix that. No I don’t need advice on how to not feel this way. I just need time to feel it.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes from Your Therapist

“When we struggle as adults, it’s often because the skills that helped us survive the difficulties of childhood aren’t actually helping us anymore.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes from Your Therapist

“You're not here to be perfect or to set a good example or to please anyone. You were born to love & enjoy your ordinary, peculiar, inconsistent, good-enough self.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“- Saying you need more time
- Asking for help when you're overwhelmed by a "simple" task
- Taking a break to process strong feelings
- Asking not to be rushed...
These are just emotional self-care skills you might not have been taught--or allowed--growing up. But you can teach yourself now if you want.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“Don't let anyone shame you for old feelings and fears that come up again. Old wounds will come up again since they're in the memory of your nervous system & the whole point of your nervous system is to keep you SAFE. So it's going to remember the painful & scary things that happened to you. Be kind to yourself about that.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“PERFECTIONISM: You have to do everything right to be loved.
LOVE: You don't have to do anything right to be loved.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“I try to minimize the amount of time I spend around people who would like me better if I weren't me.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“We don't have to pick up what others have laid down as true for us, and it's okay to live your life in a way that others don't accept or understand.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“Many of us have absorbed messages about being driven or productive at all times. Or we might have internalized a need to be perfect, selfless, or to focus on others. For example, I grew up, as so many people do, with the idea that slowing down to enjoy life, play, rest, daydream, be outside, or meet friends to talk and hang out were not productive enough. The very idea of not being productive at all times was so frowned upon, it was no wonder I had to sneak off to the woods or hide with a book in a closet to daydream or do nothing. I declined then, and I decline now, the invitation to think of myself in such an economical or mechanistic way.
That's not my measure of a human being.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“So much of our pain comes from having never been allowed to grieve what we've lost.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“I used to feel so invisible as a kid. Now it's me who has to stop acting in relationships like I am invisible still.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“I sometimes get a little overwhelmed by change and need some time to emotionally catch up.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“One of the biggest relationship issues people have is with boundaries. Good boundaries are about letting ourselves and the people we love be separate from each other, with separate feelings, thoughts, and needs. Boundaries also refer to how we are treated by others: what's okay with us and what isn't.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“Human beings are a highly social species with a long evolution that makes us desire both autonomy and connection. We need to grow and express our individuality freely--and at the same time, feel like we have people to rely on to love us and have our backs.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist