Jeeves and the Leap of Faith Quotes

“- Were you never a child?
- Briefly, sir. The predicament proved unavoidable.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“So what do you need me to do?’ ‘For now, absolutely nothing.’ ‘I think I can manage that. For centuries we Woosters have done absolutely nothing under much more trying conditions.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“As Sherlock Holmes once observed: When you've excluded the inevitable, whatever remains, however unpalatable, must be lunch.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“That's the problem with educating girls' said Spode, bitterly, 'they never stop resorting to fact.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“[...] persons who claim mystical powers often enjoy remarkably ambidextrous moralities when presented with opportunities for enrichment.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“[...]only a fool attempts honesty with a man in love. In my experience, the blunter one is enumerating the deficiencies of an affianced, the more likely that marriage becomes - placing you on the wrong side of a wronged wife until divorce do them part.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“[...]First things first, Mr. Wooster: how did our postman costume suit your friend?'
'Almost too well. People insisted on handling him parcels, and he was bitten by more than one dog.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“- But tell me, who was that queer cove with the spool of twine and the German accent?
- The Austrian accent? Jeeves gently corrected. I may be mistaken, sir, but I think that was the philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein.
- So not an unhinged gardener?
- Dr Wittgenstein is the author of the Tractatus.
- A short history of farm machinery in the Ukraine?
- The Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus, sir, concerns itself with a picture theory of language.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“- But tell me, who was that queer cove with the spool of twine and the German accent?
- The Austrian accent? Jeeves gently corrected. I may be mistaken, sir, but I think that was the philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein.
- So not an unhinged gardener?
- Dr Wittgenstein is the author of the Tractatus.
- A short history of farm machinery in the Ukraine?
- The Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus, sir, concerns itself with a picture theory of language.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“The Quarrelsome Crab is a curious club, which, over the years, has niftily perfected the art of reincarnation. Its origins are lost in the pea-soupers of time, but I first joined the place when it sailed under the flag of The bitter Pill. Almost immediately it mutated into The Feverish Cheese, before becoming The Frozen Limit, The Startled Shrimp, The Mottled Oyster, and then, very briefly, The Last Gasp....There was a brief attempt to revive the The Frozen Limit when The Last Gasp was raided, but the name had been nabbed by one of Soho's more unyielding criminal gangs. And so The Quarrelsome Crab was born—for how long, though, was anyone's guess.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“Every so often, life presents a dilemma upon which the manuals of etiquette are woefully silent, and this was a snorter: whether it demonstrates better breeding to choke oneself into a frothy stupor or to expectorate one’s dry Martini across four foot of well-polished bar, and six-foot-two of well-regarded barman.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“Actually, sir, Mr Fink-Nottle was asking after you. He’s gone up to the bar.’ ‘Gussie, Gussie, Gussie,’ I sang to myself while striding to the oasis, ‘a guinea to a gooseberry the booby’s in a pickle.’ ‘Bertie, I’m in a pickle.’ ‘What-ho, Gussie. I had a sort of feeling you might be.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“These sprouts are uneatable,' complained Lord Pallot. 'Why are sprouts always uneatable? Why do they plant them, pick them, cook them, and serve them if they are going to be uneatable? What, in other words, is the point of Brussels sprouts?”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“That's the problem with educating girls. They never stop resorting to fact.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“Don't these spiritual johnnies swear some kind of hypocritic oath?!”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith