Conveniently Convicted Quotes

“Getting comfortable again, I grab one of the magazines that I keep stuffed under my thin mattress. Flipping to the article the guard Paul told me about, I’m just getting to the part about how chandeliers are a necessity in creating an awesome she-shed, when two prison guards come running in. They take one look at my open cell door, the magic smoke still polluting the air, the unconscious male on the ground, and turn gaping looks at me. I give them a bright smile and point down at Scarface. “Hey, Paul. Could you clean that up for me? I think he wet himself.” Paul lowers his gun and pulls off his SWAT-style helmet. “Another one?” he asks, jerking his chin toward my uninvited cell guest. I shrug my shoulders and give him an apologetic smile. He shakes his head and nudges the unconscious jail-breaker with his boot. “Damn. We need to up our security. We aren’t used to so many supernaturals trying to break someone out of here,” he says, scratching the back of his neck as he frowns in thought. “Yeah, it’s very disruptive,” I tell him. He grunts in agreement. “Good thing your ride is here,” Paul mentions casually as my unwelcome cell guest groans loudly from the floor. I squeal and start clapping excitedly, which startles both guards. “Yes, finally!” I shoot up from my cot and thrust both arms out, ready for the required shackles whenever a prisoner is being transported. Paul releases an amused chuckle, and Terrence—the other guard in my cell right now—gives me some judgement-laced side-eye as I giggle and wait like a kid on Christmas morning for the cuffs to click into place. I’m finally going to be sentenced and booked into Nightmare Penitentiary. I can’t fucking wait.”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted

“Candy sex requires good hygiene practices,” I slur out.”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted

“Why is it that when someone tells you not to cry, it just makes you cry harder?”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted

“A choked, strangled noise bursts out of my throat that sounds like a mortifying sob-hiccup. Rook and I both freeze. We stare at each other with wide shocked eyes. His are asking, Did that ungodly noise just come from you? While mine are saying, I don’t want to talk about it.”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted

“Oh, come on!” I throw my head back and shout up to the sky. “Lube a girl up before you fuck her in the ass!”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted

“I’m going to kill him. After I fuck him one more time though, because why not take advantage of all of those skills? But after that, he’s definitely going down...on me...and then for sure he’s a dead man.”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted

“He’s going to turn me into some sex-crazed puddle of blissed out mush, I just know it. Meh, there are worse ways to go.”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted

“I have no idea what he’s asking me, but Rook could tell me to ignore a real-life Baby Yoda right now in this moment and I’d do it. He’s that fucking good.”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted

“my whole body just up and decides that Rook is now classified as a god, and we will devotedly worship him for the rest of our days.”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted

“If you guys only knew how horny most females are on the daily, you’d cover your dicks and run, screaming out, ‘Save yourself!’ to every male you scurried past.”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted

“Look away, Sinclair. Do not stare directly into that megawatt smile, or you’ll go blind. The safe eclipse viewing advice feels strangely applicable here, so I’m going with it.”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted

“My cockatrice is not impressed right now. Rook smirks, and then slowly, so as not to alarm my beast: reaches into one of the pouches at his belt, pulls out a fist-sized rock, and holds it up to me. Holy shit. It’s so pretty! I stand corrected. My cockatrice is super impressed right now.”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted

“Not a dragon. I mock-spit on the ground at the thought. I’m a motherfucking cockatrice, bitches!”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted

“I’ll fuck your nostrils with my fairy cock and have you sneezing my cum for weeks,” he threatens,”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted

“Who knew fairies were such angry little assholes? Tiny dick syndrome is in full effect with that one.”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted

“I’ve never met anyone who made me want to lick every inch of their body until they worshipped me, and then promptly rip their head off.”
― Ivy Asher, Conveniently Convicted