Welcome to the United States of Anxiety Quotes

“If I had a family crest, it would read Please Don’t Make Me Be an Asshole.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“When I’m able to slough it off, when it’s not causing physical symptoms or putting me on edge, my anxiety still pops up out of nowhere to spoil nice moments. I fear good things happening because I believe something bad is sure to follow.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“bundle of nerves, swaddled in a blanket of panic.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“During this crisis, I’ve discovered that I would thrive under house arrest. So there’s that.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“The paradox of living in the safest possible time is that those who suffer from anxiety aren’t hardwired to take the win; we panic when things go too well.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“Shout long enough in capital letters and, eventually, people start to tune you out.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“Though I’ve not taken anyone’s drink order in a quarter of a century, in my stress dreams I’m always sweating through my oxford shirt and poorly tied tie, deep in the weeds, having been triple seated with eight tops, thanks to a clueless seventeen-year-old hostess. The bartender’s taking forever to mix a single Rusty Nail because Sergey Brin hasn’t yet invented Google. Empty plates are stacked tall as skyscrapers on the tables, which is confusing. Why would a party of four dirty up twenty-three plates apiece, even if I were serving tapas? There’s no busboy in sight.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“The trick to reducing my overall panic and worry about weight hasn’t been about starving myself into a form that will satisfy whatever arbitrary societal norms are coming down the pipeline. The key has been finding a way to be happy with myself, regardless of what the scale says.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“While I’m happy for everyone who wants a family, I look at the notion of having kids the same way I look at people who get tattoos on their faces, like, “Hoo-boy, that’s permanent.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“I can’t state this clearly enough: basic needs are a bitch and a huge anxiety trigger.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“I found that the fuller and richer my life became, the less I looked to food for comfort and entertainment.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“I’m a bundle of nerves, swaddled in a blanket of panic.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“A handwritten letter is a treat for me now—quaint!—and you couldn’t pay me to pick up your phone call. God help you if you leave a voice mail.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“There’s one school that has proactively considered arming their classrooms. At Oakland University in Michigan, teachers and students have been armed with . . . hockey pucks. “According to the university’s police chief, the program stemmed from an idea raised during an active shooter training session, in which ‘one attendee asked what staff and students could bring to prepare themselves for a fight.’ The chief recalled once being struck in the head with a puck and said it ‘caused a fair amount of damage to me.’”210”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“anger creates a sense of power and control in a situation where prior to anger these positive, motivating feelings did not exist. The feelings of control and righteousness that come from anger can motivate you to challenge and change difficult interpersonal and social injustices. [. . .] Anger can provide you with a rest from feelings of vulnerability, and a way of venting tensions and frustrations.”189”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“Accomplishments, both professional and creative, feed into this level, as do yearnings for joy, happiness, and glory, which are manifested through team activities, hobbies, and other forms of shared participation. In other words, that which brings us together—and tears us apart—in the name of esteem.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“Dear friends are throwing away their long-standing, deeply satisfying relationships in the current political climate, tired of seeing opposing posts, each too swept up in the movement to remember that there’s someone they love on the other side.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“I have issues with my parents, but their greatest gift was forcing me to produce my own results. Through the ups and downs of my life, my work ethic is my most prized characteristic. No matter what kind of pinch I’m in, I can fight my way to the other side with grit and determination.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“What’s so scary is that mob rule has displaced due process. The faceless masses are America’s new arbiters of justice. I’m so fearful of the court of public opinion that I’ve stopped saying anything of value online, stopped unpacking what’s important in my life, stopped trying to forge any kind of understanding over social media.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“What’s so scary is that mob rule has displaced due process. The faceless masses are America’s new arbiters of justice.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“1970s, only one in ten women was childfree; today the number is one in five.169 Yet when I mention my choice, I’ve had moms look at me like I’m defective, or a unicorn, or a defective unicorn. Keep your pity; I don’t need it.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“My father lied, and when pressed about this fib years later, his answer was “Jennifer, I don’t negotiate with ten-year-olds.” Respect.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“kids without constantly looking over their shoulders for approval.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“When clans of yore went out for a meal in my day, there were no crayons, no sippy cups, no serving little Jennifer’s unsauced spaghetti early. Generation X kids conducted themselves like tiny civilized sophisticates, because if we misbehaved, we’d enjoy a spanking for dessert instead of the triple-layer chocolate cake”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“Mine was an era of children having to accommodate, rather than being accommodated. No parents put their children’s tastes and proclivities first. That’s a relatively new development. Comedian Maz Jobrani said kids are running the show now, as when he was young, he was forced to play with his parents’ friends’ kids. Now, as a parent, he’s forced to play with his kids’ friends’ parents.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“tsundoku: the act of buying so many books that they begin to pile up in a delightful mess.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“I learned to stuff my fears deep down until they form a little ball, keeping the feelings buried under liberal handfuls of cheese and glasses of moderately priced Chardonnay.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“I’m terrified that one offhand joke, one out-of-context remark, will set into motion a public shaming, because I see it happen every day.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“if you’re going to be a jerk about something, make sure you’re funny.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic

“Mine was an era of children having to accommodate, rather than being accommodated. No parents put their children’s tastes and proclivities first. That’s a relatively new development.”
― Jen Lancaster, Welcome to the United States of Anxiety: Observations from a Reforming Neurotic