The Bare Hunt Quotes

“You have pieces of… creature in your beard.”
― Eric Ugland, The Bare Hunt

“Kobold’s Jaw Item Type: Improvised Item Class: One-handed Melee Material: Bone, flesh Damage: 10-20 (Slashing) Durability: ??? Weight: 2.8 lbs Requirements: Not being squeamish Description: The jaw of a kobold, teeth included.”
― Eric Ugland, The Bare Hunt

“He gripped his blanket tightly, and then farted with enough force that the fire flared up for a minute. I was equal parts impressed and disgusted.”
― Eric Ugland, The Bare Hunt

“You smell anything?” I asked him. “You.”
― Eric Ugland, The Bare Hunt

“I had to go bigger. So I got a good grip on the dagger, gritted my teeth, and sliced my arm open from elbow to wrist. I hit an artery, and the blood immediately started pumping. It took a second for me to angle the arterial spray in the right direction, being that the first pump hit me right in the face. Then I let a veritable shower of blood pour into the hole.”
― Eric Ugland, The Bare Hunt

“So you know the spiders in the valley?” I asked. “Not personally,” Amber said. She got sassy when she was tired.”
― Eric Ugland, The Bare Hunt

“You ever wonder how we got here?” I asked. “Through cave, and worm tunnel,” Vreggork replied. “You forget already?” “I was asking in a more rhetoric sense.” “Ah,” he said, in the exact way where I could tell he had no idea what rhetoric meant, but really wasn’t concerned.”
― Eric Ugland, The Bare Hunt

“But for now, it was time to get bloody. Well, time to get cold, and then do a lot of hiking and looking around, and then it was time to get bloody.”
― Eric Ugland, The Bare Hunt

“Everyone in the group knew I was lying, but it’s not like they could really say anything about it. So they smiled, and then I smiled. Then we all stood around awkwardly.”
― Eric Ugland, The Bare Hunt

“be gone. Single use. Do not use Doctor Béchamp’s Cleanse All Disinfectant and Floor Cleaner with alcohol or healing potions. Do not operate heavy machinery after use. Or heavy-bladed weaponry. Do not use on summoned creatures, imps, devils, demons, extra-planar entities, celestials, fiends, familiars, or Darby O’Gillis. In rare cases, side effects may occur, including but not limited to: headaches, body aches, imaginary aches, unreal aches, obsessive truth telling, explosive diarrhea, loss of the ability to see the color puce, hair loss, hair growth, incorporeality, aura discharge, and mild stomach upset. In some rare cases damnation and eternal suffering may occur. Please discuss with your doctor, sage, witch, witchdoctor, haruspex, or personal hag before use. Use at your own risk.”
― Eric Ugland, The Bare Hunt

“Doctor Béchamp’s Cleanse All Disinfectant and Floor Cleaner. When sullied by unpleasantness, douse self, or other, or anything really, in Doctor Béchamp’s Cleanse All Disinfectant and Floor Cleaner. Sure to clean any curse, hex, evil eye, eldritch infestation, viral infection, parasite, embarrassing rash, violent or violet fungus or any other affliction of the negative or positive kind. Whatever you have, it will”
― Eric Ugland, The Bare Hunt

“So you run like a coward.” “It’s a tactical fucking retreat, dickbag.”
― Eric Ugland, The Bare Hunt