The HeART of Laser-Focused Coaching Quotes

“Acknowledging: “Thanks for sharing that information.” Affirming: “Thanks for sharing that information because it helps me better understand your mindset.”
― Marion Franklin, The HeART of Laser-Focused Coaching: A Revolutionary Approach to Masterful Coaching

“Boundaries are what’s okay and what’s not okay for other people to do in your presence. What does that mean for you?”
― Marion Franklin, The HeART of Laser-Focused Coaching: A Revolutionary Approach to Masterful Coaching

“Healthy boundaries help us experience comfortable interdependence with other people. A person with no boundaries is unable to prevent unwanted intrusions.”
― Marion Franklin, The HeART of Laser-Focused Coaching: A Revolutionary Approach to Masterful Coaching

“We are not responsible for another person’s behavior and they are not responsible for our well-being. Clients who can’t say no usually feel overwhelmed because they have too much on their plate — or resentful because they do too much. People who put themselves last aren’t aware of just how unhealthy their relationships are and the harm that is being done to themselves.”
― Marion Franklin, The HeART of Laser-Focused Coaching: A Revolutionary Approach to Masterful Coaching

“When you hear your client lamenting, “I’ve been doing so much and I’m not getting anything,” and you can see that the resentment has been quietly building, then you know it’s not abundance; it’s people-pleasing — putting everyone else’s needs before their own and not taking time to examine their needs or what’s best for them.”
― Marion Franklin, The HeART of Laser-Focused Coaching: A Revolutionary Approach to Masterful Coaching

“They don’t set and hold good boundaries to protect themselves. They don’t set limits on what is and what is not acceptable for other people to do to them. And, if and when they do set limits, they back down and allow the behavior to continue. They don’t ask for what they want. Because they believe they don’t deserve good things or a better life, they don’t ask for them. They berate themselves. They beat themselves up more than anyone else because they feel as though they have failed in some way, even if it was a simple, honest mistake. And they stay quiet about it for fear of being wrong or sounding stupid. They seek perfection in themselves and/or others. When they can’t be perfect, they give themselves a hard time instead of accepting what is. Or, they look for other people’s faults to make them feel better rather than looking at themselves, which is only a temporary fix. They focus on the negatives. They believe that everyone else’s life is better or more important than theirs. Instead of looking at all the good things they have, they compare their lives to those of others. One tiny negative comment can linger forever in their memory while all the compliments and praise go unnoticed. They tend to stay quiet and suffer. At times it makes sense to speak up and say what is wanted, but they hold back because they see themselves as not worthy or deserving. They don’t acknowledge the beauty and gifts they bring to the world. Instead, they dismiss as negligible or immaterial that which they offer to the world.”
― Marion Franklin, The HeART of Laser-Focused Coaching: A Revolutionary Approach to Masterful Coaching

“The following behaviors describe insufficient self-esteem. When you hear any of these behaviors, it’s very likely your client has a self-esteem theme. They believe they don’t deserve or are not good enough. They wind up believing the “inner voice” — the one that keeps telling them, “You aren’t good enough”; “You don’t know enough”; “That’s for other people, not for you”; “You couldn’t possibly succeed at that”; “You have no luck — don’t even bother trying.” A corresponding metaphor: It seems like everyone else has gone to the party while you’ve chosen to stay home wishing you had gone. They overcompensate. They take excessive measures, attempting to correct or make amends for an error, weakness, or problem. For example, one parent believes the other is too strict or too lenient and goes too far the other way to make up for it. They do things for other people to make themselves feel better. While it’s always nice to do things for other people, sometimes the motive is wanting to feel better about oneself versus simply helping someone else. They compromise on things they shouldn’t. They might let go of or give up on an idea or value to please someone else. They get into or stay in toxic relationships. Relationships — whether with those at work, with friends, or with romantic partners — can be damaging to our self-esteem. Yet because they devalue themselves, they rationalize and justify that it’s okay. They tolerate unacceptable behavior. Because they believe they aren’t good enough, they allow people to say and do mean or inappropriate things to them. When they stay stuck in the way they allow others to take advantage of them, it’s usually because there’s a subtle, underlying reason they want to keep the pain and anguish with them. They might think that they will get attention or feel important, or maybe feeling sorry or sad is more familiar and comfortable. They don’t believe they deserve to be treated well.”
― Marion Franklin, The HeART of Laser-Focused Coaching: A Revolutionary Approach to Masterful Coaching