Finding Jesus Quotes

“The human being is not being human.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Look,’ Jesus points out, ‘do you think the guy cleaning the public toilets really wants to be dealing with people’s shit on a Monday morning? No, he does it because it’s in his contract. I’m dealing with people’s shit twenty-four-seven because,’ turning to the hobbled crow and speaking sarcastically, ‘it’s in my contract.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Okay, that’s it! I’ve had enough! I’m going to trade in my Biblical Studies PhD for a hot dog!”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Today is the day that I learn women have an innate connection to Mother Nature; a sixth sense for the bitter-sweet cycle of life, whereas men are challenged with five.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“My wife’s contractions, labour, and birth was the most intense biology class of my life; it certainly topped Glugger’s biology classes where we did nothing but burn litmus paper. My wife’s waters just broke! Who cares if it’s alkaline or acidic!”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Woman, allow a little magic back into your life. Remember the curiosity that glowed inside of you as a little girl? Where is that gone, sweet ole’ thing?”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“I can sing Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious but that doesn’t make me Mary Poppins!”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Jesus growls, ‘Man is his own worst enemy! Nothing but a cannibal eating his own head; a volatile, self-obsessed hybrid, that never should’ve been allowed to evolve. Let them swallow each other up!”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Martin Luther King had a dream too,’ snaps Michael, ‘and look where that got him!”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Time is a fickle friend; always and never on your side.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“MAN HAS BEEN BLINDED BY HIS OWN GREED, SO HE MUST LEARN TO SEE THROUGH HUMBLE EYES.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Humanity must be cut to the ground and allowed to flourish once again”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“This man just saved Brian’s life,’ Stacey declares.
‘Actually, I brought the boy back from the dead. Slight difference.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Once again, Jesus turns to the crowds. ‘Oh, by the way, souls don’t exist, despite the rumours. I was merely being poetic. The fact remains that you are mainly water — 60-70% I believe — blood, guts, bones, and some of you have brains. Your soul was invented by those living loved ones to help justify the dead’s ethereal journey to the afterlife. There is no journey. Life itself is a dead-end. And, by association, the afterlife doesn’t exist. Sorry to be a bit of a party-pooper. Mother insisted that I put you all in the picture. Moral of the story? Enjoy life while you can, and never take an extra minute for granted, because Mother can grin and bare her razor teeth whenever and whenever she likes.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“I always had a sense of humour — a killer sense of humour, but Man killed it. Speaking of killers, do you know how many times serial killers pray to me after and before they end someone’s life? As if, by praying to me, that makes everything okay…share the burden, if you will. Apologies, but I don’t need that kind of burden.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“We’re nothing but monkeys that got lucky…”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“I’m just one more PhD, looking up at the stars, asking why are we here, while the down-and-outs under the bridge are asking the same question.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Jesus throws his eyes skywards and shakes his head in dismay. ‘No, no, no, praying is for the lazy and weak-of-mind. Don’t pray to me because I won’t listen. Meditation is where you’ll find answers within.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“I am the manacle chained to Man’s ankles. Only when he sees the light will he be set free of my shackles, and I, the manacle, be set free of my shackles: Man.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Mankind can no longer see himself in the looking-glass. He looks up at the ancient planets, knows nothing about them in his ignorance and innocence, yet he wants to colonise the wise stars. It’s time to open our eyes and look within the looking-glass.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“We are living in a dystopian world.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“When I got back to Toledo, my house had become overrun by hippies, squatters, religious nuts, the curious, masochists, anarchists, pacifists, and the ghost of a suicide victim.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“We are nothing more than pawns on this chessboard of life.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Who needs religion when you can share a hug?”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Mother is crying at the hands of Man. Through selfish desire, Man has lost his identity, and no longer knows himself in the looking glass. He has forsaken all that is pure and precious, blinded by the devil Greed. The world and her children are dying at the hands of Man — adult Man; innocence has been lost. You must be reminded of who you are and why. I have come here out of love; I don’t want you to forget this when the apocalypse takes hold. Mother and I must be cruel to be kind, just as the bitch dog eats her deformed young. Man must learn to love again as seething hatred has rotted his blackened heart. Man is to be silenced and muzzled like a vicious dog. Man will no longer be able to breathe the air freely. Man will no longer be able to touch, hug, caress, and feel what it is to be human. Man will no longer recognise himself or others because his humanity will be taken from him and he will be muzzled like a rabid dog. Only then will he appreciate what has been taken from him. The world has become a cold place, but it will be colder, until he learns what is to be a warm human being once again. Only when Man has to pay for free things, like air, will he understand what it once was to be a human.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Only when Man has to pay for free things, like air, will he understand what it once was to be a human.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Not until Man needs to pay for free things, air and water, will he understand what it was to be human.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“We die in our blind pursuit of happiness.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“The apocalypse is for your own good, and the revelation you find in it will be of some comfort during dark times.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“What a bittersweet way to say goodbye to humanity - with a genocideal kiss.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus