The Power of Discord Quotes

“The anxiety Winnicott refers to is the profoundly disturbing loss of an emerging sense of self. For example, Ian had an extreme stress reaction when another child stood too close to him in the lunch line at school. His body went into fight-or-flight mode and he shoved her. The teacher told him that he might be sent home if he did not calm down, but her words likely held no meaning for him. The intensity of his distress kept his mind firmly rooted in the here and now, unable to imagine a future time. At that moment, as Ian’s teacher was standing over him and speaking in a harsh, reprimanding voice, his basic feeling that I am Ian might very well have faded away. This loss of”
― Claudia M. Gold, The Power of Discord: Why the Ups and Downs of Relationships Are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and Trust

“Years of lack of safety had left them with an understandable need to avoid uncertainty.”
― Ed Tronick, The Power of Discord: Why the Ups and Downs of Relationships Are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and Trust

“People may carry these meanings of hopelessness forward into other relationships in their lives, with fear preventing them from being open to the kinds of relationships that allow for growth and change. When meanings have gone awry, we need to do more than just label and eliminate problematic behaviors and emotions. Acknowledging their developmental and relational origins leads us to a new model of healing.”
― Ed Tronick, The Power of Discord: Why the Ups and Downs of Relationships Are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and Trust

“Eliminating the symptoms that accompany emotional distress might provide short-term solutions, allowing, for instance, an impulsive child to sit at a desk or a depressed adult to get out of bed in the morning. But if these problematic behaviors serve an adaptive function, are actually a way of coping or holding oneself together, then if the relational and developmental context of these behaviors is not addressed, we should not be surprised if they reappear in different and sometimes more problematic forms.”
― Ed Tronick, The Power of Discord: Why the Ups and Downs of Relationships Are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and Trust

“Your emotions grow out of your relational history. Even if you’ve had the most adverse set of early experiences, when you immerse yourself in new relationships with space for mismatch and repair, meanings of hopelessness can be transformed into meanings of hope.”
― Ed Tronick, The Power of Discord: Why the Ups and Downs of Relationships Are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and Trust

“Children with unusual social behavior—and their parents—may similarly be drawn to the illusion of connection the cell phone provides if there is a paucity of actual connection.”
― Ed Tronick, The Power of Discord: Why the Ups and Downs of Relationships Are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and Trust

“Research also demonstrates a clear connection between low self-esteem and high levels of social media use.”
― Ed Tronick, The Power of Discord: Why the Ups and Downs of Relationships Are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and Trust

“A baby who experiences typical mismatch and repair develops into a person with an internal voice that says, I can change things. When people move through mismatch to repair over and over again in relationships, whether as infants or adults, they develop agency, defined earlier as a sense that one has control over one’s life and the power to act effectively in the world. They come to new situations with a hopeful feeling, armed with a positive affective core. But when they carry an expectation of perfection, they miss out on the success of moving through a bad moment to a good one, of bumping the boundaries of their own selves against the boundaries of another.”
― Ed Tronick, The Power of Discord: Why the Ups and Downs of Relationships Are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and Trust