Memories of the Future - Volume 1 Quotes

“Riker tells Data to just get on with it already, so Data says Ferengi are like Yankee traders from 18th-century America. This indicates that, in the 24th century, the traditional practice of using 600-year-old comparisons is still in vogue, like when you’re stuck in traffic on the freeway, and say, “Man, this is just like Vasco de Gama trying to go around the Cape of Good Hope!”
― Wil Wheaton, Memories of the Future - Volume 1

“Lore: Making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS!”
― Wil Wheaton, Memories of the Future - Volume 1

“One of Geordi’s first stops is to visit his good pal Wesley Crusher, who shows off one of his science projects (a mini tractor beam) and one of his toys, a device that lets Wesley recreate speech from anyone on the ship. Any doubt that Wesley is a complete weenie is removed when we learn that he uses this device to have Captain Picard say things like, “Welcome to the bridge, Wesley,” instead of having Counselor Troi say things like, “Smack my ass, Wesley, I’m a naughty, naughty bitch.”
― Wil Wheaton, Memories of the Future - Volume 1

“Hey, as long as you’re not moving the story forward at all, why not have a pod race?”
― Wil Wheaton, Memories of the Future - Volume 1

“Picard only saw the movie, which had the entire Tales of the Black Starship subplot removed for time.”
― Wil Wheaton, Memories of the Future - Volume 1

“The Enterprise is on a diplomatic mission to meet the Jarada, an alien species with a peculiar affinity for protocol: if Picard doesn’t speak a particular greeting in exactly the right way at exactly the right time, the Jarada won’t join the Federation, and they’ll take all their mythical Jaradan weed with them. You can imagine, the success of this mission is especially important to everyone on Starbase 420.”
― Wil Wheaton, Memories of the Future - Volume 1

“After the probe does its thing, the Jarada make contact: they want to talk to the Captain, and are offended that they can’t immediately speak to the person in charge, which would explain why the Jarada destroyed every planet in the Dell Technical Support system.”
― Wil Wheaton, Memories of the Future - Volume 1

“Q is like a stupid Internet Troll; he makes some strawman accusation against Picard, Picard refutes his argument with logic and reason, and Q just changes the terms of the argument, all the while enjoying the attention he’s getting. But does anyone create alt.q.die.die.die? No, of course not. Life is so fucking unfair.”
― Wil Wheaton, Memories of the Future - Volume 1

“As the UFO continues to blast away at the Bandi city, Picard tells them to grab Zorn and beam him up to the Enterprise, because that dude totally knows something about the mystery of Farpoint Station. (He totally stole the file off the teacher’s desk when Q wasn’t looking.)Then he tells Tasha to lock phasers onto the UFO, just in case. You know, he’s actually doing a good job handling these things, making logical and difficult decisions while under a not insignificant amount of pressure… and then Q shows up to pee all over everything.”
― Wil Wheaton, Memories of the Future - Volume 1

“Back on the Enterprise, Riker heads into the holodeck to meet up with Data, who we learn can’t whistle like a human, wants to be human, and is consequently called “Pinocchio” by Riker. The whole bit really wants to be sweet and a little funny, but it ends up being kind of lame.”
― Wil Wheaton, Memories of the Future - Volume 1

“They all hop into the turbolift, and Picard says, “Hey, I think it’s great that you guys know each other, because it’s important for my key officers to be familiar with each other’s abilities.” Troi says, “We are, sir,” and Riker and Picard subtly high-five each other as the doors close.”
― Wil Wheaton, Memories of the Future - Volume 1

“Listen, Q, don’t know who you’ve been talking to, but in Starfleet, we save the universe and fuck the green alien chick twice before breakfast, every day. We’ve got this one, dude.”
― Wil Wheaton, Memories of the Future - Volume 1