Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland Quotes

“I forget who Grimace was based on. I think it was Jesus’s friend Peter, although I don’t think Peter was purple or retarded.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Warrior Wolf Women of the Wastelands

“Before they get to me, someone hollers behind them. The group of mutants stop their pursuit and look back. “He’s mine,” says the gurgling cartoonish voice. The mutants separate and I see who is speaking. It is the Hamburglar. He steps forward with his black cape and black mask, two katana swords (one short and one long) are sheathed at his waist. With most of his enemies dead on the battlefield, he needs an opponent to play with. He has chosen me. I run at him with the sickle-sword. In an instant, he draws his short katana, blocks my attack, slices my ass as I pass him, then re-sheaths the sword. Just like a master samurai would do.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Warrior Wolf Women of the Wastelands

“But there is a big difference between this version of lycanthropy and the fictional one. For starters, only women are affected by this disease. It doesn’t affect men. Secondly, the disease isn’t spread from a werewolf bite. All McDonaldlandian women are born with this disease. Thirdly, the changes are not caused by a full moon. The changes occur only during the act of having sex. Fourthly, once the transformation occurs, the women do not return to human form as werewolves would the next morning. The mutation is permanent. Fifthly, the transformation doesn’t happen all at once. The changes happen a little at a time, each time the female engages in sexual activity, including masturbation.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Warrior Wolf Women of the Wastelands

“That’s what my grandpa always said: “whatever makes you strange is what makes you special.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Warrior Wolf Women of the Wastelands

“She’s a hairy, dirty, smelly, dog-faced, flea-ridden, sadistic, evil, self-centered, arrogant, demanding, annoying, immature, bossy, needy, murderous, cold-hearted, psychotic bitch who drives me insane every second of every day, but for some reason I have grown to love her more than anything in the world, and there’s no one I’d rather be with.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Warrior Wolf Women of the Wastelands