Try Softer Quotes

“The work of paying compassionate attention is, in a sense, learning to steward for ourselves what God already believes about us—that we’re valuable and loved.”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“Trying softer isn’t about knowing or doing the right thing; it’s about being gentle with ourselves in the face of pain that is keeping us stuck. Because no matter how hard we try, we can’t hate or shame ourselves into change. Only love can move us toward true growth. This is the love given to us by a gentle, kind, compassionate, good God—and the love we are invited to give ourselves too. Kristin Neff, the foremost researcher in the field of self-compassion, points out that compassion is different from empathy in that empathy is feeling with someone else, whereas compassion means to suffer with someone and then allow ourselves to be moved by that pain so we are motivated into action.[”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“This is why the ability to think about personal growth, people issues, and relationships as a process matters a great deal. When people begin to understand that change happens in layers – and is rarely linear – it’s as if someone took a grueling weight off them. They stand a bit straighter. Often they become a touch kinder to themselves and others. It’s as if someone put a balm on their souls and gave them this message: “It takes as long as it takes. It’s okay to be unfinished. It’s absolutely normal to be imperfect. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“Imagine actually experiencing tenderness toward who you are—not just tolerating or enduring your life, your family, your relationships, your body, and your career, but truly finding ways to love and honor them.”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“What’s more, we’ve been so socialized, parented, and wired to overfunction that we don’t recognize when our bodies are stressed, traumatized, and exhausted until the consequences are dire. It’s then, when anxiety and adrenaline have worn us down to a nub, that we may find ourselves depressed, exhausted, and disconnected.”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“Dear reader, there are truly times when the best, healthiest, most productive thing we can do is not to try harder, but rather to try softer: to compassionately listen to our needs so we can move through pain—and ultimately life—with more gentleness and resilience.”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“Learning to try softer won’t automatically erase the pain of shame, anxiety, or trauma. It won’t make people love you differently. It will not take away the wounds already inflicted. It won’t give you a different childhood. But it just might change how you go through pain. And by now you know that the way in which you move through hardship matters greatly. It can predict whether something becomes integrated into your experience and loses its intensity or builds in power to the point that you feel it might overwhelm”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“As the body of Christ in particular, we are invited to participate in this holy work of holding space. The apostle Paul speaks to this idea when he says,

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Paradoxically, as we engage in our own deep emotional work, we love each other in the most alive, empathic ways. We do not see the people in front of us as tasks of obligations – they are the imago Dei, and we see and feel with them.”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“Research confirms that we will likely project whatever attachment styles we adopt from our caregivers onto our relationship with God. In other words, folks who grew up with a safe attachment in their families will likely have a secure attachment style not only with other people but also with God.”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“Our heavenly Father is kind, responsive, and steady, and He made us with the ability to internalize the reality that we aren’t alone and are worthy of love. Though some parts of our minds may believe God is good, the work of trying softer is treating ourselves in the same way we believe He already sees us so that we can more deeply experience the reality of how we are loved. Just as I want my kids to internalize my love for them, so God wants us to know our belovedness in the deepest parts of ourselves.”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“Like the ever-elusive quick fix, ignoring, pretending, or numbing something doesn’t usually resolve our pain. Instead, we must find ways to validate that our stories are real and—although we may not like parts of them—that they are ours.”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“It takes as long as it takes. It’s okay to be unfinished. It’s absolutely normal to be imperfect. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.” And what’s more, God is neither surprised nor dismayed at how slowly we progress.”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“You either walk into your story and own your truth, or you live outside of your story, hustling for your worthiness. BRENÉ BROWN, Rising Strong”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“Having grown up in an intensely dysfunctional and chaotic family, I never fully learned how to hold the pain of others without internalizing it.”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“Resilience -or lack thereof- lies squarely in whether caregivers repair any breaches. The sum of these interactions with our caregivers lays the foundation for each of us to learn about ourselves and the world.”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“Beauty isn’t all about just nice loveliness. . . . Beauty is about more rounded, substantial becoming. So I think beauty, in that sense, is about an emerging fullness, a greater sense of grace and elegance, a deeper sense of depth, and also a kind of homecoming for the enriched memory of your unfolding life.[”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“You can also incorporate a breath prayer to anchor you and support you as you breathe. I love the simplicity and significance of another name God uses for Himself, Yahweh, which is rooted in the Hebrew letters that compose the phrase “I AM” (Exodus 3:14). We know that out of reverence, speaking the name of Yahweh became taboo for the Jewish people at some point, yet Richard Rohr notes that it seems to mimic our very breath: “The one thing we do every moment of our lives is . . . to speak the name of God. This makes it our first and last word as we enter and leave the world.”[10] To practice the breath prayer, Choose Yahweh or another two-syllable word to anchor you. Inhale through the nose with Yah (or the first syllable) for three seconds. Exhale with weh through the mouth (or the second syllable) for six seconds. As you feel able, practice this conscious breathing for one to two minutes.”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. MATTHEW 11:28-30, MSG”
― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy