The Freak Observer Quotes

“1. Heat the oven to Denial.
2. Prepare the pan with a spray of Anger.
3. Mix in two medium-size bargains with The Bony Guy.
4. Add 1/3 cup of Depression (tears will do if you want low-fat).
5. Bake...until you can jab a toothpick in your arm and it seems Acceptable.”
― Blythe Woolston, The Freak Observer

“A dream dictionary is a one-size-fits-all-palm-reading-astrology-column-in-the-newspaper-carrot-equals-penis secret-code decoder.”
― Blythe Woolston, The Freak Observer

“Physics extra credit: What should you do if you are stuck on frictionless ice? Assume you are nude and there is no atmospheric resistance. While correct, the answer 'suffocate' will not earn the credit.”
― Blythe Woolston, The Freak Observer

“I have seen teenage boys having sex, and they aren't so intense as babies who are figuring out that they have hands...”
― Blythe Woolston, The Freak Observer

“Two things attract magpies: sparkly stuff and roadkill. This particular funeral is a jackpot for magpies.”
― Blythe Woolston, The Freak Observer