The Leader's Journey Quotes

“We can also learn to develop a new capacity for seeing the nervous water of an emotional process (a coach or a guide like Kenny is helpful). It requires some new categories for thinking; it means practicing some new disciplines and skills. It entails change in how we relate to others, and it demands time and patience. But leadership in the kingdom of God is worth the effort.”
― Jim Herrington, The Leader's Journey: Accepting the Call to Personal and Congregational Transformation

“Before starting work on being more mature it’s worth being aware that it’s possible to achieve a fake kind of maturity in relationships. All of us have some degree of pretend maturity in our repartee of relating. We’re prone to doing a patch-up job on the immaturity blocks we inherit from the generations of our families’ anxious sensitivities so that they’re hidden from view as much as possible. Any patching up we do can make us look pretty impressive at times as we switch on our most confident persona. This counterfeit type of maturity is not always unhelpful as it enables us to rise to many challenges in life and cope beyond our usual capacities. This “winging it” kind of maturity can be an adaptive advantage, but it can also be a bit of a trap in giving us an inflated view of our maturity.1”
― Jim Herrington, The Leader's Journey: Accepting the Call to Personal and Congregational Transformation

“we begin to recognize how we accidentally or deliberately trespass the boundaries of others. We do this when:
• We do for others what they can and should do for themselves
• We demand that others conform to our way of thinking, instead of valuing both our similarities and our differences
• We consistently try to argue others out of their opinions or feelings
• We take responsibility for the feelings or decisions of others
• We try to control the behavior or responses of others (even when it is for their own good!)
Likewise, we respect the boundaries of our family members and our congregation when we:
• Agree to disagree and then move on
• Clearly communicate our own position while allowing others to do the same
• Take responsibility for our own ideas and decisions
• Welcome how others differ from us, seeking to learn from them
• Say no and set limits when appropriate
• Take care of our own needs whenever possible, without coercing others to take care of us
When we are clear about our own boundaries, we choose what we believe to be best for ourselves, our family, and our congregation without succumbing to the pressure of anxiety. We make decisions
about family life on the basis of what is best for the family, not the preferences or expectations of the church. As a family, we seek to relate to the congregation as individuals with unique gifts and values rather than as a collective unit.”
― Jim Herrington, The Leader's Journey: Accepting the Call to Personal and Congregational Transformation

“There are two ways we fail to be a self at home, and most of us tend toward one extreme or the other. On one end of the continuum are those who sacrifice self in an effort to preserve the perceived harmony of the relationship. These folks buy an uneasy peace by their silence or
their efforts at conformity. They do not say what they think, they give in too easily when conflict arises, and they discount their own feelings and beliefs.
At the other end of the continuum are those who require the compliance of others to feel secure in the relationship. These people view disagreement as disloyalty, get angry when others express a divergent view, and persistently argue to persuade others to change their mind. Both styles, though highly contrasting, have the same goal in mind: preserving the relationship in the face of anxiety.”
― Jim Herrington, The Leader's Journey: Accepting the Call to Personal and Congregational Transformation

“Doing God's will means at times resisting the loving appeal of nervous friends who offer us another, safer agenda.”
― Jim Herrington, The Leader's Journey: Accepting the Call to Personal and Congregational Transformation

“A necessary ingredient of a connected relationship is time-quality time and quantity time, and both in abundance. The notion of quality time being enough for our family is a myth. We should make every effort to make our time with our spouses and children high-quality, but nothing can make up for the importance of just being present.”
― Jim Herrington, The Leader's Journey: Accepting the Call to Personal and Congregational Transformation