Codependent No More Quotes

“Even recovering alcoholics and addicts noticed they were codependent and perhaps had been long before becoming chemically dependent.8 Codependents started cropping up everywhere.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“As professionals began to understand codependency better, more groups of people appeared to have it: adult children of alcoholics; people in relationships with emotionally or mentally disturbed persons; people whose partners had chronic illnesses;”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“In an article from the book Co-Dependency, An Emerging Issue, Robert Subby writes that codependency is “an emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual’s prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules—rules which prevent the open expression of feeling as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“The chemically dependent partner numbs the feelings and the nonabuser is doubled over in pain—relieved only by anger and occasional fantasies,” wrote Janet Geringer Woititz in an article from the book CoDependency, An Emerging Issue.1”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Many of us react as though everything is a crisis because we have lived with so many crises for so long that our reactions have become habitual.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“The longer this lifetime goes, the more convinced I am that our primary responsibility in life is to find a way to make peace with ourselves, our past, and our present—no matter what we face and no matter how often we need to do that.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Detachment is based on the premises that everyone is responsible for themselves, that we can’t solve problems that aren’t ours to solve, and that worrying doesn’t help.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Make life easier for you.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Sometimes things happen, and for a variety of reasons I may not end up where I wanted to go. If I change my mind or problems beyond my control interfere, I find myself doing something other than what I had planned. Timing and exact circumstances may vary. That’s okay. I usually end up someplace that’s better for me. That’s where acceptance, trust, faith, and letting go come in. But at least I’m not driving aimlessly through life.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“For instance, saying, “If you loved me you wouldn’t drink” to someone struggling with alcoholism makes as much sense as saying, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t cough” to someone with pneumonia. A person with pneumonia will cough until they get appropriate treatment for their illness. A person struggling with alcoholism will drink until they get the same. When people with compulsive disorders do whatever it is they’re compelled to do, they’re not saying they don’t love you—they’re saying they don’t love themselves.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“In an article from the book Co-Dependency, An Emerging Issue, Robert Subby wrote codependency is “an emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual’s prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules—rules which prevent the open expression of feeling as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems.”2 Eamie Larsen, another codependency specialist and a pioneer in that field, defines codependency as “those self-defeating, learned behaviors or character defects that result in a diminished capacity to initiate or to participate in loving relationships.”
― BEATTIE MELODY, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Worrying and obsessing keep us so tangled m our heads we can’t solve our problems.”
― BEATTIE MELODY, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Codependents are reactionaries. They overreact. They underreact. But rarely do they act.”
― BEATTIE MELODY, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Talk about your feelings. Take responsibility for them. Feel whatever feeling you have. Nobody made you feel. Someone might have helped you feel a particular way, but you did your feeling all by yourself. Deal with it. Then, tell yourself the truth about what happened.1 Was someone trying to sock it to you? (If in doubt about whether to interpret something as an insult or rejection, I prefer to believe it had nothing to do with me. It saves my time and helps me feel good about myself.) Were you trying to control someone or some event? How serious is the problem or issue? Are you taking responsibility for someone else? Are you angry because someone didn’t guess what you really wanted or what you were really trying to say? Are you taking someone’s behavior too personally? Did someone push your insecurity or guilt buttons? Is it truly the end of the world, or is it merely sad and disappointing? 4.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“I’d like to make a motion that we face reality.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“We are good. We are good enough. We are appropriate to life. Much of our anxiety and fearfulness stems, I believe, from constantly telling ourselves that we’re just not up to facing the world and all its situations. Nathaniel Branden calls this “a nameless sense of being unfit for reality.”6 I’m here to say we are fit for reality. Relax. Wherever we need to go and whatever we need to do, we are appropriate for that situation. We will do fine. Relax. It’s okay to be who we are. Who or what else can we be? Just do our best at whatever we are called upon to do. What more can we do? Sometimes, we can’t even do our best; that’s okay, too. We may have feelings, thoughts, fears, and vulnerabilities as we go through life, but we all do. We need to stop telling ourselves we’re different for doing and feeling what everyone else does. We need to be good to ourselves. We need to be compassionate and kind to ourselves. How can we expect to take care of ourselves appropriately if we hate or dislike ourselves? We need to refuse to enter into an antagonistic relationship with ourselves. Quit blaming ourselves and being victimized, and take responsible steps to remove the victim. Put the screws to guilt. Shame and guilt serve no long-term purpose.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Pneumonia victims will cough until they get appropriate treatment for their illness. Alcoholics will drink until they get the same.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Give life a chance to happen. Give yourself an opportunity to enjoy it.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“I do not deserve and will not tolerate abuse or constant mistreatment.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“reactionaries.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“You can spoil your fun, your day, your life—that’s your business—but I won’t let you spoil my fun, my day, or my life.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Forgiveness comes in time—in its own time—if we are striving to take care of ourselves. Don’t let other people use this principle against us. Don’t let other people help us feel guilty because they think we should forgive someone, and we are either not ready or believe forgiveness is not the appropriate solution.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Furthermore, we are not responsible for anyone else’s feelings, although we are responsible for choosing to be considerate of people’s feelings.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“The love we give and receive will be enhanced by the love we give ourselves.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“We don’t have to punish ourselves by feeling guilty to prove to God or anyone else how much we care.7 We need to forgive ourselves. Take the Fourth and Fifth Steps (see the chapter on working a Twelve Step program); talk to a clergy person; talk to God; make amends; and then be done with it.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Guilt and shame are not useful as a way of life. Stop the “shoulds.” Become aware of when we’re punishing and torturing ourselves and make a concerted effort to tell ourselves positive messages. If we should be doing something, do it. If we’re torturing ourselves, stop it. It gets easier.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“It (detachment) is not detaching
from the person whom we care about,
but from the agony of involvement.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“When should we detach? When we can’t stop thinking, talking about, or worrying about someone or something; when our emotions are churning and boiling; when we feel like we have to do something about someone because we can’t stand it another minute; when we’re hanging on by a thread, and it feels like that single thread is frayed; and when we believe we can no longer live with the problem we’ve been trying to live with. It is time to detach! You”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“codependency?”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“Earnie Larsen, another codependency specialist and a pioneer in that field, defines codependency as “those self-defeating, learned behaviors or character defects that result in a diminished capacity to initiate or to participate in loving relationships”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself