“For instance, saying, “If you loved me you wouldn’t drink” to someone struggling with alcoholism makes as much sense as saying, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t cough” to someone with pneumonia. A person with pneumonia will cough until they get appropriate treatment for their illness. A person struggling with alcoholism will drink until they get the same. When people with compulsive disorders do whatever it is they’re compelled to do, they’re not saying they don’t love you—they’re saying they don’t love themselves.”