The Mayor of Noobtown Quotes

“However, when one has no stats, one can take no damage.”
― Ryan Rimmel, The Mayor of Noobtown

“Your mother stinks of elderberries and your uncle’s cum.”
― Ryan Rimmel, The Mayor of Noobtown

“I would have to sneak out to somewhere and go all Minecraft in the forest.”
― Ryan Rimmel, The Mayor of Noobtown

“My head throbbed like a particularly obnoxious Christian death metal beat.”
― Ryan Rimmel, The Mayor of Noobtown

“It was a higher pitched, nasally voice.  It was the kind of voice that just makes you dislike someone instantly.”
― Ryan Rimmel, The Mayor of Noobtown

“I seem to have gotten you alone,” I stated, holding out my daggers. Grou’tuk chuckled, “I was hoping it would come down to this.  I’m going to let my Warg eat your balls.”  The Warg growled hungrily.”
― Ryan Rimmel, The Mayor of Noobtown

“nearly died several times,” I replied. “But you didn’t, and I wasn’t worried.  You could take any five creatures in the valley at this point; it’d take an army to kill you.” “Turn around.” “Muther Fucker,” screeched the demon, as he first turned towards the goblins and then back towards me, “You always seemed like the kind of guy who just pisses people off but seriously, why do you have a death wish?” “I got a quest.” “You got no brains,” screamed the demon,”
― Ryan Rimmel, The Mayor of Noobtown

“making me healthier than a horse.  I meant that literally.  I could see a horse through the gate and it only had 60 hit points.  Her name was Patches.”
― Ryan Rimmel, The Mayor of Noobtown

“Unless the trees were planning an uprising, I’d leaf them alone.  Even though they were all bark and no bite.”
― Ryan Rimmel, The Mayor of Noobtown

“I threw up properly.  I don’t recall eating carrots.”
― Ryan Rimmel, The Mayor of Noobtown

“My target had decided to be a proper young goblin and relieve himself somewhere downwind of their makeshift campsite.  He squatted and started grunting.  I was on him before he had a chance to understand what was happening, driving both daggers into his back.  With that one furious motion, he died instantly and silently.”
― Ryan Rimmel, The Mayor of Noobtown

“I’m going to skin the wolf now that I have a knife.” “What’s your skinning skill?” asked Shart. “Untrained.” “I’ll be over there,” gestured the demon, as he walked over to a nearby tree and collapsed again. Twenty minutes later, I walked over to where Shart sat, fanning himself with a leaf. “Wow, that went as well as I expected,” he stated, “How did you get fur in your teeth and do we need to bury that?” “I don’t want to talk about it.”
― Ryan Rimmel, The Mayor of Noobtown

“The little baby demon didn’t know how to walk.  “Can I ride on your shoulder?” he asked, after he spent entirely too long trying to catch up. I agreed, because I eventually wanted to get someplace.   Shart scaled me like a miniature King Kong,”
― Ryan Rimmel, The Mayor of Noobtown

“scream. “What are you doing?” came the squeaky response. I looked down half expecting to see a mouse, but instead was greeted by the image of a small, rotund little demon with crooked horns.  I aimed at his face.  It had been awhile.  It splattered all over him, but”
― Ryan Rimmel, The Mayor of Noobtown

“Hey, Fatty,” I stated to the angry demon, who had unfortunately calmed down. “I forgot you could talk instead of making mewling noises with your mouth.  However, you are incorrect if you think your petty human insults have any bearing at all on one such as myself.  I will enjoy modifying your mind.” “You have terrible breath,” I croaked. “Thank you!” he chuckled. “Your mother stinks of elderberries and your uncle’s cum.” “You fail to disparage my uncle-dad” he stated.  “Your horns are crooked.” “MY HORNS ARE FINE!” The crooked horned demon was sensitive about that, it turned out, and so he slammed me into the crater again.  I figured this one would kill me; it was at least 5 trucks worth of force.”
― Ryan Rimmel, The Mayor of Noobtown