In an Instant Quotes

“regret is the most difficult emotion to live with, but in order to have regret, you need to have a conscience: an interesting paradox that allows the worst of us to suffer the least in the aftermath of wrongdoing.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“I realize how awful people are to each other, how a pervasive cynicism exists in most of us that stops us from seeing the best parts of one another.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“Don’t just try to be happy when you think of me—be happy. Look at the ocean and smile. Inhale the scent and celebrate. Remember me. Remember that I was never sad for more than a day, rarely for more than an hour. Remember the amazing times we had and what a goofball I was. Remember that I was scared of anything with more than four legs but fearless of adventure. Remember. Carry me inside you as a light that brightens your world and makes everything better. I don’t want to be a void, a hole, a shadow. REMEMBER ME!”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“though I am gone, carry me with you, but only as lightness and never as weight . . .”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“AUTHOR’S NOTE
Dear reader:

This story was inspired by an event that happened when I was eight years old. At the time, I was living in upstate New York. It was winter, and my dad and his best friend, “Uncle Bob,” decided to take my older brother, me, and Uncle Bob’s two boys for a hike in the Adirondacks. When we left that morning, the weather was crisp and clear, but somewhere near the top of the trail, the temperature dropped abruptly, the sky opened, and we found ourselves caught in a torrential, freezing blizzard.

My dad and Uncle Bob were worried we wouldn’t make it down. We weren’t dressed for that kind of cold, and we were hours from the base. Using a rock, Uncle Bob broke the window of an abandoned hunting cabin to get us out of the storm.

My dad volunteered to run down for help, leaving my brother Jeff and me to wait with Uncle Bob and his boys. My recollection of the hours we spent waiting for help to arrive is somewhat vague except for my visceral memory of the cold: my body shivering uncontrollably and my mind unable to think straight.

The four of us kids sat on a wooden bench that stretched the length of the small cabin, and Uncle Bob knelt on the floor in front of us. I remember his boys being scared and crying and Uncle Bob talking a lot, telling them it was going to be okay and that “Uncle Jerry” would be back soon. As he soothed their fear, he moved back and forth between them, removing their gloves and boots and rubbing each of their hands and feet in turn.

Jeff and I sat beside them, silent. I took my cue from my brother. He didn’t complain, so neither did I. Perhaps this is why Uncle Bob never thought to rub our fingers and toes. Perhaps he didn’t realize we, too, were suffering.

It’s a generous view, one that as an adult with children of my own I have a hard time accepting. Had the situation been reversed, my dad never would have ignored Uncle Bob’s sons. He might even have tended to them more than he did his own kids, knowing how scared they would have been being there without their parents.

Near dusk, a rescue jeep arrived, and we were shuttled down the mountain to waiting paramedics. Uncle Bob’s boys were fine—cold and exhausted, hungry and thirsty, but otherwise unharmed. I was diagnosed with frostnip on my fingers, which it turned out was not so bad. It hurt as my hands were warmed back to life, but as soon as the circulation was restored, I was fine. Jeff, on the other hand, had first-degree frostbite. His gloves needed to be cut from his fingers, and the skin beneath was chafed, white, and blistered. It was horrible to see, and I remember thinking how much it must have hurt, the damage so much worse than my own.

No one, including my parents, ever asked Jeff or me what happened in the cabin or questioned why we were injured and Uncle Bob’s boys were not, and Uncle Bob and Aunt Karen continued to be my parents’ best friends.

This past winter, I went skiing with my two children, and as we rode the chairlift, my memory of that day returned. I was struck by how callous and uncaring Uncle Bob, a man I’d known my whole life and who I believed loved us, had been and also how unashamed he was after. I remember him laughing with the sheriff, like the whole thing was this great big adventure that had fortunately turned out okay. I think he even viewed himself as sort of a hero, boasting about how he’d broken the window and about his smart thinking to lead us to the cabin in the first place. When he got home, he probably told Karen about rubbing their sons’ hands and feet and about how he’d consoled them and never let them get scared.

I looked at my own children beside me, and a shudder ran down my spine as I thought about all the times I had entrusted them to other people in the same way my dad had entrusted us to Uncle Bob, counting on the same naive presumption that a tacit agreement existed for my children to be cared for equally to their own.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“You only live once, and no one has any idea how long that once is going to be, so grab on tight and hold on for the ride and don’t worry about it and don’t look back.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“Regret is a tough emotion to live with, impossible to move on from, because what’s done is done.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“I realize how awful people are to each other, how a pervasive cynicism exists in most of us that stops us from seeing the best parts of one another”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“How do I get past it?” she mumbles, not necessarily to him. Hate. Hurt. Guilt. And grief. So much of it that I feel its thickness and its weight, like she is drowning and can’t breathe. “A single step at a time,” the man says, speaking from some profound experience of his own and with deep understanding, making me wonder if all pain might be the same regardless of its origin. “You’re still here,” he goes on. “So there’s not really a choice. An inch, a foot, not necessarily in the right direction, but onward nonetheless.” My mom shudders a deep breath, looks up at him. “Until eventually,” he says, “the present becomes the past, and you are somewhere else altogether, hopefully in a better place than you are today.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“As I watch her cry, I wonder about this, about whether our humanity is determined more by circumstance than conscience, and if any of us if backed into a corner can change. I saw it that day, none of them turning out to be the people they believed themselves to be.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“It’s strange and wonderful, the things we do that we don’t realize we’ve done.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“Carry me inside you as a light that brightens your world and makes everything better. I don’t want to be a void, a hole, a shadow. REMEMBER ME!”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“Every journey begins with a single step. Clear your mind of can’t. Fear is what stops you; courage is what keeps you going.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“How do I get past it?” she mumbles, not necessarily to him. Hate. Hurt. Guilt. And grief. So much of it that I feel its thickness and its weight, like she is drowning and can’t breathe. “A single step at a time,” the man says, speaking from some profound experience of his own and with deep understanding, making me wonder if all pain might be the same regardless of its origin.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“As far as people remembering it different , everyone deals with traumatic events in their own way and sometimes it's not really lying when they tell it different than it was so much as remembering in a way that allows them to live with it a little easier.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“I wish I could be here to see all the things you are going to do. I stop and think about it, trying to wrangle a vision of what her future might hold, but I cannot see it; too many possibilities exist. So instead I say, Soar, Mo, reach for the stars or the moon or another universe altogether, and shine so bright you blind everyone around you, and though I am gone, carry me with you, but only as lightness and never as weight . . .”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“happy. Look at the ocean and smile. Inhale the scent and celebrate. Remember me. Remember that I was never sad for more than a day, rarely for more than an hour. Remember the amazing times we had and what a goofball I was. Remember that I was scared of anything with more than four legs but fearless of adventure. Remember. Carry me inside you as a light that brightens your world and makes everything better. I don’t want to be a void, a hole, a shadow. REMEMBER ME!”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“we are not meant to see ourselves so plainly, without the guise of ego and ignorance, not meant to have our true characters revealed.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“A man without a woman is a disoriented and pathetic creature.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“Until eventually,” he says, “the present becomes the past, and you are somewhere else altogether, hopefully in a better place than you”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“Are we born with our strength? If so, then should we condemn those who don’t have it?”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“The problem is loving someone that much and discovering they don’t love you back.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“The way I view alcohol is that it makes you more of whatever you already are. Happy drunks are happy people made happier; nasty drunks, the opposite.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“You’re still here,” he goes on. “So there’s not really a choice. An inch, a foot, not necessarily in the right direction, but onward nonetheless.” My mom shudders a deep breath, looks up at him. “Until eventually,” he says, “the present becomes the past, and you are somewhere else altogether, hopefully in a better place than you are today.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“Like everyone else, she is stumbling forward, one foot in front of the other, not always in the right direction but staggering on just the same.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“Like soldiers who fought beside each other, once the war is over, they return to their separate lives, their only bond a tragic shared memory all would rather forget.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“Until eventually,” he says, “the present becomes the past, and you are somewhere else altogether, hopefully in a better place than you are today.” My mom bends her head again and nods, and the man straightens and continues on. And I am so grateful I send a prayer to God to witness this man’s kindness and to grace him in some way. And as I watch him jog away, I think that in some ways this perspective is not so bad and that, sometimes, humans surprise you.”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“lessons”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“You only live once, and no one has any idea how long that once is going to be, so grab on tight and hold on for the ride and don’t worry about it and don’t look back. Go, Mo, go! Live it, love it, do it. Do it!”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant

“Then I laugh that Chloe’s single precious memory of me is one I don’t actually remember myself. It’s strange and wonderful, the things we do that”
― Suzanne Redfearn, In an Instant