"Don't You Know Who I Am?" Quotes

“The healing happens the day you recognize that this isn’t about justice or fairness; it’s about self-preservation and peace.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“What starts like a fairy tale ends up as a psychiatric case study.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“If you no longer have to deal with them, then you have won. If you have found a way to keep your distance, then you have won. If you do not have to listen to their verbal abuse and invalidation, then you have won.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“Narcissists view people as conveniences, opportunities, and tools—and they treat them accordingly. When you are useful to a narcissist, he or she will leave you feeling as though the sun shines only on you. When they no longer need you, that sun will quickly move behind a cloud. It’s amazing how so many people are putty in the narcissist’s hands.”
― Ramani Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“In fact, the best narcissist repellant out there may not be yelling or screaming or revenge but simply indifference.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“By not engaging, you may frustrate them even more, but you keep yourself clean and, in some ways, empowered.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“It can definitely take a toll on your soul in the long term. You cannot talk about your life, accomplishments, or anything meaningful (because you know you will be criticized, minimized, or ignored).”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“The balance between wanting to get along with others and protecting ourselves is one of the most exquisitely difficult to achieve. Nobody wants to be a sucker, but most of us don’t want to be tyrants. We actually do want to get along, but we do not want to be played.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“That said, if a person leads with charm and charisma and plenty of confidence, sit up straight and pay cautious attention. Make sure that there is empathy, that entitlement is not at play, that the person is genuine, that there is respect and, frankly, that he or she has the goods to back it up. Don’t let the charisma and charm blind you and stop you from looking deeper for the rest of it.”
― Ramani Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“Nearly all internet trolls are narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, difficult, uncivil, or toxic in other ways. Don’t descend into their mud puddles. Over time, if people stop giving oxygen to their fires, they will retreat back into their caves.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“Narcissistic and toxic relationships leave you feeling depleted in a variety of ways: feeling like you aren’t good enough, chronically second-guessing yourself, often apologizing, and/or feeling as though you are losing your mind, helpless, hopeless, sad, depressed, anxious, unsettled, no longer getting pleasure out of your life, ashamed, guilty, and exhausted.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“Benign narcissists can be keepers as long as you do not turn to them regarding issues for which you may need deep empathy and understanding.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“Extraordinary people survive under the most terrible circumstances and they become more extraordinary because of it. —Robertson Davies”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“Because they rely largely on projection as a defense and will often project their shortcomings and sins onto other people, people who have to deal with toxic people find themselves endlessly defending themselves.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“There is little interest in the child’s internal world, but the physical is managed well, and sometimes very well, leaving other people thinking that the child actually has a perfectly lovely life. It’s like having plenty of food but still starving to death.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“Remember that narcissistic people are masterful at putting on a show, so they can sweat through “good” behavior for a while, but then it lands right back where it was.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“The key requirements of parenting—consistency, empathy, compromise, sacrifice, self-awareness, discipline, and equanimity—are precisely the qualities that narcissists lack.”
― Ramani Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“Lack of empathy also reflects a lack of self-awareness, an indifference to the wants or needs of others, and little recognition of how the person’s behavior impacts other people. Lack of empathy can also be a driver of what can feel like an emotional “distance” or coldness that many experience with toxic and narcissistic people. Empathy drives the feeling of warmth people feel when they are understood. When you are with a person who lacks empathy, it is a bit like being in the presence of a mirror that does not reflect back, and that can leave you feeling unheard or uncared for, at a minimum or, in the extreme, it can leave you feeling as though you are losing your grip on reality.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“narcissism.” Clinicians who encounter it often consider it a manifestation of insecurity—a sort of malignant overcompensation.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“Survival is keeping your head down and avoiding threats. Growth is raising your head high and taking on challenges.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“Their lack of empathy means that they do not really feel much emotional consequence from their wrongdoing. They are also quick to blame other people for their misfortunes. If things do go south for them, they will blame everyone around them, from “backstabbing” friends to “ungrateful” family members to a “biased” media, for making them look bad.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“Our systems reward manipulators, entitled people, and bullies. You will stand back and watch a deceitful coworker get promoted, or a pathological CEO get a $20 million bonus, or a tyrant get elected or appointed to an important leadership position.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“As soon as you recognize patterns of entitlement and invalidation or notice that someone is a little too charming or a little too glib, or love-bombs you a little too much, get out. Fast. These relationships also tend to move too fast—people get married too fast, move in too fast, have children too fast.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“infectious narcissism.” If you spend enough time with a narcissist, you may take on some of his or her characteristics. Narcissistic and toxic people tend to be emotional vampires—they suck the love, hope, positive emotion, aspirations, and humanity out of people.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“It leaves us feeling full of self-doubt, unsettled, anxious, depressed, and confused. We feel “not enough” and start spending our time chasing scraps of validation from narcissistic people who notice us only when we are useful to them.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“Remember, your biggest weapons against them are self-love, self-valuation, and an accurate understanding of who you are, and part of this means acknowledging to yourself that you are enough. Chapter”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“at best, you are surviving, but you are often not thriving. You are getting through the days and trying to dodge bullets and insults and make sense of the inconsistent patterns.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“Narcissists, psychopaths, high-conflict people, antagonistic individuals, difficult people, and anyone engaging in otherwise toxic behavior cannot be rescued, and it is not your job to do so.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“Stick to “yes,” “no,” “okay,” and “thank you.” It is tempting to want to make your case but save your energy for things that matter.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

“Your best technique can be simply termed “psychological minimalism.” You can forestall the frustrating practice of defending yourself by just sticking to the facts. Don’t give long explanations, don’t give them facts they are going to ignore, don’t give them more information than they need, don’t share your feelings and, obviously, don’t defend yourself.”
― Ramani S. Durvasula, "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility