What We Say Matters Quotes

“When I hear     , I feel     , because I need     ; would you be willing to     ?”
― Judith Hanson Lasater, What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication

“when we speak, we change the world.”
― Judith Hanson Lasater, What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication

“Another way to listen in a new way to your inner voice is to hear whatever anyone says to you as a request. Specifically, translate everything anyone says to you as either a “please” or a “thank you.” (..)

One day I stopped my car at a red light and was a little bit too far into the crosswalk. A man who was crossing yelled at me, calling me a stupid driver. (..)

I decided to try hearing what he said as a request, in particular as a “please,” a technique I had just learned. So I said to myself, What if he said it this way: “Please hear how afraid I was that you might have hit me and injured me.” When I translated “stupid driver” into “please hear my fear,” I felt compassion arise in me for him and for myself. I really liked how I felt about the situation then; I was just a human being, as was he, doing the best we could. I felt neither angry at him nor angry at myself. (..)

When we choose to hear the other’s statement as “please hear my pain,” we have the choice to act in a way that will connect us with them.”
― Judith Hanson Lasater, What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication

“The basic distinctions that are so important to Nonviolent Communication:

• requests and demands,
• feelings and evaluations,
• observations and judgments,
• needs and strategies [to meet needs].”
― Judith Hanson Lasater, What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication

“Would you be willing to ...”
― Judith Hanson Lasater, What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication