The Codependency Recovery Plan Quotes

“Marianne Williamson wrote, “It takes courage . . . to endure the sharp pains of self-discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“codependent as someone “who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“Performing a role for our family can be incredibly draining,”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“Nicknamed “the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” these behaviors are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Here I will focus on criticism as a form of controlling communication.”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“Numerous studies have found that focusing on gratitude improves happiness, reduces stress, and allows us to feel more satisfied with our relationships.”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“Brené Brown, a professor who has done a lot of research on the topic of shame, defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” It can be embarrassing to acknowledge how we have enabled, accepted, or allowed hurtful behaviors and neglected ourselves in our codependency. Recovering from codependency requires the ability to release shame.”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“A person’s choices, even if we view them as wrong, are a representation of their values, feelings of self, and free will. It is respectful to honor others’ right to make their own choices and acknowledge their own responsibility in life—even if they aren’t the best choices. In adult relationships, ideally, people respect one another’s right to one’s own views and to make one’s own choices.”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” The opposite is often also true: When we push for something, such as someone entering recovery or choosing to be in a relationship with us, we actually push those things away.”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“When we feel that our worth is dependent on being needed by others, the thought of becoming authentic is terrifying because we don’t know yet if we will be loved or valued just for being. When we are afraid we are worth less than other people, we may feel we have to prove our value to stay in a relationship with others.”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“Oprah Winfrey has said that Maya Angelou told her, “When you know better, you do better.”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“This can be an intimidating process, but remember, you have to name it to tame it. If you know more about what you are experiencing outside of codependency, you can work with others, such as a mental health professional, or gather other resources, such as workbooks, to guide your concurrent recovery process.”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“NEGLECT OR ABANDONMENT The experience of neglect or abandonment can set us up for codependency. Children have a limited understanding of the world that leads them to believe that if awful things happen, it’s because of who they are. When we mature, we learn that others’ actions represent their character rather than our personal character, but children are unable to understand this. Therefore, when a caregiver abandons or neglects a child, the child believes that being bad, or not good enough, caused the caregiver’s abandonment. If only they had been better, their caregiver would have stayed, is the false belief that arises from this experience.”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS Troubled families also tend to have unrealistic and rigid expectations. We’ll take a closer look at this in the next chapter, but in these situations, the family expects the child to behave like a little adult in all situations.”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“DENYING THE SENSE OF SELF Children in troubled families can experience not only the minimization of their views and emotions but also the invalidation of their core sense of self. This happens when children are not only sent the message that their thoughts or feelings wrong, but also that who they are fundamentally is a problem.”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“SWALLOWING EMOTIONS In some families, children are taught to hide their emotions. For example, many of my clients, when they were children, internalized the message that crying is weak.”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“INVALIDATION Many codependents grew up in an environment where their truth was not supported. This may happen in a family in which children are not expected to be heard or are expected to stifle their emotions or perspectives to keep their parents comfortable”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

“I define codependency as prioritizing others’ needs, expectations, or problems over one’s own mental and physical health. In codependency, a person’s sense of worth comes from others rather than internally.”
― Krystal Mazzola, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle