Pretending Quotes

“I love the men who don’t need sisters and daughters and wives to make us human and not want us hurt.”
― Holly Bourne, Pretending

“Guilt is the luxury of the powerful.”
― Holly Bourne, Pretending

“fall into that trap of being the untogether one whom people care about deeply, but whom they also use to feel more in control of their own lives. Even if they don’t mean it, don’t let them put that on you.”
― Holly Bourne, Pretending

“Here’s the thing: I really don’t understand why love has been so hard for me. I am pretty. I am smart. I have a goodish job. I have friends. I have hobbies. I am funny. I am self-actualized. I dress well. I don’t have particularly high standards. I am not expecting to be rescued. I am realistic about what relationships are like. I know they take work. I know nobody is perfect, let alone myself. I know I have to “put myself out there” and I have been doing that. I am a good conversationalist. I am happy on my own. I am. But, like, I still want a relationship. I really want a relationship. Not because I think it will complete me or solve all my problems. Not because I want a big wedding and to look pretty in an expensive dress. Not even, really, because I want to have children because, if I had to, I could survive not having them. I want a relationship because it’s a really normal and natural thing to want. And yet, it’s not been happening for me. It’s so exhaustingly hard. I don’t understand why it’s so hard...”
― Holly Bourne, Pretending

“to decide what’s damaging and what isn’t?’ I ask. ‘You don’t see a problem with a man who probably hasn’t ever been violated getting to decide what counts as a violation? You don’t see the problem with even measuring a violation in the first place?’ I shake my head, like he’s being stupid, because he is. ‘It’s the violation that’s the violence, don’t you see? It’s knowing your boundaries mean bugger-all that’s the trauma – that anyone can touch you, that how you feel about it doesn’t count. That’s the trauma. That’s the violence. Anything else that happens on top of that is additional.’ I’m darting my finger at him. The table looks utterly horrified. Neil’s doing his best not to snarl. ‘It’s not a spectrum,’ I continue. ‘It’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Ever. In any way. It’s all violence and it’s all traumatic. And, for someone who clearly has no experience of it, why do you feel like you’re the one who gets to decide?”
― Holly Bourne, Pretending

“You don’t see a problem with a man who probably hasn’t ever been violated getting to decide what counts as a violation? You don’t see the problem with even measuring a violation in the first place?’ I shake my head, like he’s being stupid, because he is. ‘It’s the violation that’s the violence, don’t you see? It’s knowing your boundaries mean bugger-all that’s the trauma – that anyone can touch you, that how you feel about it doesn’t count. That’s the trauma. That’s the violence. Anything else that happens on top of that is additional.’ I’m”
― Holly Bourne, Pretending

“I hate men.”
― Holly Bourne, Pretending