The Apology Quotes

“Who are you, Eve? I missed everything. I missed you.
I miss you.

I refuse to know or see you. And this in some ways was the most destructive and punishing deprivation. Isn't that all any of us crave, really? To be known? To be given shape and form by being recognized and cherished? For how else can we trust that we are even here? And perhaps that is why I became so extreme. Because I was invisible to myself, because I had been erased, I had needed to find ways to experience my existence and feel my impact on others. For what is violence but energy given substance in force?”
― Eve Ensler, The Apology

“Anger is a poison you mix for your friend but drink yourself,”
― Eve Ensler, The Apology

“How much self-awareness does a life of privilege and entitlement afford the entitled? If you are birthed into a particular paradigm that serves you, what would compel you to look outside?”
― Eve Ensler, The Apology

“Non c'è dolore inflitto coscientemente a qualcuno che non ci torni indietro decuplicato”
― Eve Ensler, The Apology

“Each admission here defies a blood vow determined long before my birth. An apologist is a traitor of the highest order. How many men, how many fathers ever admit to failures or offenses? The act itself is a betrayal of the basic code. It sprays shrapnel of guilt in all directions. If one of us is wrong, the whole structure and story come tumbling down. Our silence is our bond. The power of not telling, of not letting on, is the most ancient and powerful weapon in our arsenal.”
― Eve Ensler, The Apology

“You lived in constant anxiety and dread, and these emotions eventually became the neurotic ingredients of your character. (I am sure it’s why you later drank and did drugs, trying to soothe yourself.) This high-level stress made it impossible for you to think or study or play or dream or learn or concentrate or remember anything. You could not relax. You did not sleep.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“What is a man cast out of the kingdom of men?”
― Eve Ensler, The Apology

“Implicit in wonder is humility. To surrender to what is larger and unknown, to that vast, mysterious universe of which you are a tiny dot. I was not allowed to be a tiny part of anything. I had to be above, the best, on top.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“devastating consequences of not being seen, of disappearing in a family that never expressed any curiosity about who I really was, but determined my identity based on their own projections, fears, and needs. Curiosity is a form of generosity. Implicit in it is the recognition of another, requiring the puncturing of the vain inglorious shell of self-importance.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“Scapegoated and stigmatized, you became, in that moment, fall girl for your father’s sins.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“What is an apology? It is a humbling. It is an admission of wrongdoings and a surrender. It is an act of intimacy and connection which requires great self-knowledge and insight. I will most certainly come up short.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“there was a fiendish logic. The more independent you became, the more successful, the less control I had of you. You would become your own person then, with your own ideas and your particular version of reality. The more reliable and respected you became, the more possibility there was that you would be a trustworthy witness.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“you consciously or not set out to destroy yourself. I no longer had to lift a hand or raise my voice. You were more violent to yourself than my worst imaginings. And here it can only be said, with deepest despair, that I had, through my brutality, turned this angel tender girl who cherished life into a madly suicidal teenager. I watched with horror, disgust, and remorse as you went on a reckless rampage.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“You would put yourself in serious danger throughout your life, time and time again, because you could not read it as such and because it was so familiar. You would seek out hurtful people and situations in hopes that you would one day be strong enough to conquer them.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“If you are birthed into a particular paradigm that serves you, what would compel you to look outside?

The mind is a seductive labyrinth camouflaging a cage.

An apologist is a traitor of the highest order.

For what is sadism but tenderness disgraced?”
― Eve Ensler, The Apology

“You got very drunk that night. You were a mess and a public embarrassment. Your mother said that on a day you should have been dancing on clouds, you cried yourself to sleep. This moment would forever shatter your confidence. Every victory thereafter would be glazed with rejection. No accomplishment would ever be real or enough, every achievement forever fraught with a dreaded sense of betrayal and disappointment”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“How many men, how many fathers ever admit to failures or offenses? The act itself is a betrayal of the basic code. It sprays shrapnel of guilt in all directions. If one of us is wrong, the whole structure and story come tumbling down. Our silence is our bond. The power of not telling, of not letting on, is the most ancient and powerful weapon in our arsenal.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“men were praised for controlling and withholding their emotions. They were admired for their steely steadfastness and knowing the way. They never apologized. They never asked questions. They never explained. They never revealed their hand. They didn’t speak. Their silence was evidence of their strength and virility. They were expected to master the world and to lead with determination and assurance. The thrust of a man’s existence was to maintain his position.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“there is no hurt we consciously inflict on another that does not come back tenfold.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“All along, I made you feel like you were the one who had done something terribly wrong. Always anxious, in an ongoing state of unnamable guilt and dread, I made you the carrier of your father’s sin. You carried it like a warrior. You carried it like a wound. You carried it like a mutated cell that later became illness.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“Daily gaslighting. Until the bitter end, I left you with those lingering doubts, which would wake you, breathless in the night. Had you imagined everything? Was it really as terrible as you remembered? Why didn’t the others seem disturbed? Why didn’t they say anything? Was something wrong with you? Why not just move on? Why call attention to yourself? Why make a big deal? It’s just the way things were. Why rattle the cage, upset the nest? He was your father. He did the best he could. This was your family. You were always so difficult. Why can’t you just fit in? Always have to be so grandiose. So special.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“I will be as honest as a formerly disingenuous person can be. I will attempt to proceed with neither defensiveness nor self-pity, as I understand neither will further clarify nor resolve.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“Les pères qui ont déchaîné leur furie implacable sur le monde.
Un chaîne de généraux, de conquérants, de PDG, d'escrocs, de tyrans, de voleurs, d'exploiteurs en tout genre et d'imbéciles. Ils meurent et meurent encore ici, de toute éternité et pour toujours. Voilà mes pères. Voilà les hommes. Avec l'allégeance pour vocation ultime. L'obéissance supplante la logique, la moralité ou la raison. Ils m'ont appelé ici. M'exhortant à cesser ces enfantillages avec toi pour reprendre de plein droit ma place dans la hiérarchie masculine. Quelle absurdité.
Qu'est-ce qu'un homme banni du royaume des hommes. Peut-être ne peux-tu pas comprendre cette loyauté. C'est elle qui nous donne un but, un sens et une place. Quel territoire arpenterons-nous après l'exil ? Adam a désobéi une fois et on sait ce que ça a donné.”
― Eve Ensler, The Apology

“Un homme qui présente ses excuses est un traître au dernier degré. Combien d'hommes, combien de pères n'ont jamais reconnu leurs échecs ou leurs crimes ? L'acte en lui-même est une trahison du code fondamental. Il projette des shrapnels de culpabilité dans toutes les directions. Si l'un d'entre nous a tort, toute la structure, tout le récit s'effondre. Notre silence est notre lien. Le pouvoir de ne pas dire, de ne pas laisser voir, est l'arme la plus ancienne et la plus puissante de notre arsenal.”
― Eve Ensler, The Apology

“What kind of father could have allowed his daughter to descend to this? What kind of wrath, of rage, could carry on so long? There must be more to this story. What were you getting out of this?”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“this patriarchal blueprint has been implanted into the basic psychological compendium: ego, superego, id, man.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology

“Recognize what I have done as a crime. Face how deeply my actions and violations have impacted and devastated you. See you as a human being. Attempt to experience or feel what it felt like inside you. Feel profound remorse and regret over my actions. And finally, take responsibility for my actions by doing extensive work to understand what made me do what I did.”
― V (formerly Eve Ensler), The Apology