His Package Quotes

“You think Romeo would’ve killed himself if he’d lived with Juliet long enough to realize she can’t clean up her fucking socks off the bathroom floor? Or that she gets crazy gassy after she eats Mexican? Come on. It’s”
― Penelope Bloom, His Package

“What if I told you we did butt stuff, mouth stuff, and pussy stuff, and it all happened in an order that would surprise you.”
― Penelope Bloom, His Package

“You know what they say, once a hoe has the scent of dick in her nose, she can smell it from a mile away, even in the water.”
― Penelope Bloom, His Package

“The woman who had a scrap of toilet paper trailing from her heel after lunch break probably gave some poor customer service worker a hard time about her coupon not working the night before. Worse, the reason the coupon didn't work was probably that, like ninety percent of people, she didn't bother reading the details on the back. Boom.”
― Penelope Bloom, His Package

“I’d just stumbled across the whole wedge-tailed eagle factoid a few hours before I had to pull that shining nugget of bullshit out of my ass in the subway station earlier.”
― Penelope Bloom, His Package