Courage to Cure Codependency Quotes

“According to the National Center for PTSD, self-care following toxic relationships can bring up emotions of humiliation, shame or guilt when you begin engaging in self-care because it was not only something you didn’t do but something you felt that you couldn’t do. It may feel like by taking care of yourself, you are robbing someone else of having their needs met, which is completely untrue, but a common feeling nonetheless. Allowing yourself to recognize these feelings but carry on with the process of learning the art of self-care is important.”
― Leah Clarke, Courage to Cure Codependency: Healthy Detachment Strategies to Overcome Jealousy in Relationships, Stop Controlling Others, Boost Your Self Esteem, and Be Codependent No More

“After all, you have bypassed your own needs in favor of ensuring that someone else’s needs were met and you have likely done it for quite some time. Learning how to take care of yourself in a meaningful way is an important part of healing from codependency and restoring your relationship with yourself.”
― Leah Clarke, Courage to Cure Codependency: Healthy Detachment Strategies to Overcome Jealousy in Relationships, Stop Controlling Others, Boost Your Self Esteem, and Be Codependent No More

“They have an easy time justifying the termination of their own goals and dreams in favor of receiving the love, acceptance, and approval that they need from the other person. This leads to the codependent not having any clear focus or direction in life, making it harder for them to do things for themselves since they are uncertain as to what needs to be done.”
― Leah Clarke, Courage to Cure Codependency: Healthy Detachment Strategies to Overcome Jealousy in Relationships, Stop Controlling Others, Boost Your Self Esteem, and Be Codependent No More

“However, it was clear that people who were actively engaged in codependent relationships lacked self-esteem to a significant degree.”
― Leah Clarke, Courage to Cure Codependency: Healthy Detachment Strategies to Overcome Jealousy in Relationships, Stop Controlling Others, Boost Your Self Esteem, and Be Codependent No More

“You may find yourself feeling as though you are constantly trapped doing everything for everyone else because you are not able to speak up and say no. If you are in a codependent relationship, chances are that your partner has recognized this weakness in you and has been exploiting it for their own gain, such as in our previous example of having you take responsibility for their consequences.”
― Leah Clarke, Courage to Cure Codependency: Healthy Detachment Strategies to Overcome Jealousy in Relationships, Stop Controlling Others, Boost Your Self Esteem, and Be Codependent No More

“Dr. Susan Biali, wrote about the importance of speaking up for yourself and how, in many cases, individuals who are engaged in relationships where they are being taken advantage of often don’t think to speak up. This likely happens because they have been manipulated into believing that their thoughts, feelings, opinions, and beliefs do not actually matter to those around them. This type of unwillingness to speak up for yourself often stems either from your personality type or from experiencing a time in your past where speaking up was unacceptable. Instead of standing up for themselves and asserting themselves, they stay quiet either because they think no one will listen or because they simply don’t know that there is another option available to them.”
― Leah Clarke, Courage to Cure Codependency: Healthy Detachment Strategies to Overcome Jealousy in Relationships, Stop Controlling Others, Boost Your Self Esteem, and Be Codependent No More

“If you want to begin healing your relationship from codependency, you need to stop trying to take care of your partner and let them begin taking care of themselves. This can feel cruel at first, even like you are engaging in tough love, but it is imperative that you take this opportunity to begin allowing them to learn how to take responsibility for themselves and take care of themselves. Instead of taking care of your partner, you need to begin learning how to take care of yourself and put your needs first.”
― Leah Clarke, Courage to Cure Codependency: Healthy Detachment Strategies to Overcome Jealousy in Relationships, Stop Controlling Others, Boost Your Self Esteem, and Be Codependent No More

“A study done at Ohio State University in 1993 discovered that only two symptoms were consistent across all psychologists’ beliefs as to what codependency is and what it entails. The first symptom was excessively taking care of and taking responsibility for the other partner, and the second was being afflicted with chemically dependent individuals (which we have since learned is not the only circumstance that nurtures codependency.)”
― Leah Clarke, Courage to Cure Codependency: Healthy Detachment Strategies to Overcome Jealousy in Relationships, Stop Controlling Others, Boost Your Self Esteem, and Be Codependent No More

“If you were a codependent child, chances were your codependency was learned as a result of not having access to the resources required to fill your needs. This often happens when a child lives with a parent who is low-functioning, addicted, chronically mentally ill, or abusive. As a result of their parents’ inability to fulfill their psychological, emotional, and sometimes physical needs, children become codependent as a way of having their needs filled.”
― Leah Clarke, Courage to Cure Codependency: Healthy Detachment Strategies to Overcome Jealousy in Relationships, Stop Controlling Others, Boost Your Self Esteem, and Be Codependent No More

“It is often hard for you to determine what it is that you want or need, so you struggle to make decisions or speak up for yourself. When you are in a relationship, you find yourself regularly doing what the other person wants and you genuinely feel that this is what you want, too. You do not spend any time considering how your wants or needs may vary from the other person’s. You regularly experience difficulties with communication because you struggle to uncover exactly what it is that you are thinking or feeling. Sometimes, you simply say nothing because you don’t know what to say or how to say it. Valuing yourself is challenging. You tend to value the approval of other people more than you value yourself in general. It is difficult for you to trust in yourself and in your abilities. You have a poor sense of self-esteem. You may experience severe fears of abandonment or neglect from others. This fear may be so extensive that you experience an obsessive need to be approved by others. Often, this fear gives you feelings of anxiety.  When you are in a relationship, you find yourself heavily depending on that relationship. It is challenging for you to be in a relationship and see yourself as an individual both inside and outside of that relationship. You often find yourself taking responsibility for other people’s actions. You may do so in a way that assumes the blame and allows them to blame you, or you may do so in a way that feels as though you can manipulate them into behaving a certain way if you change your own behaviors. Enforcing boundaries between yourself and others is challenging for you. You often find yourself overstepping other people’s boundaries, while also allowing them to overstep yours. You may struggle to feel intimate with other people. You struggle to discern the difference between love and pity, and often find yourself feeling love for people whom you pity. When you are taking care of others, you find yourself constantly giving more than you get. When people do not recognize your selflessness, you feel hurt because, to you, this is your way of showing them love and it is not being appreciated or reciprocated. You seem to have a great deal of anger bottled up inside of you, but you may not know how to express it or utilize it. Instead, you keep it bottled up. Sometimes, it may “spill out” and result in episodes of rage. If it does, you find yourself doing everything you can to make up for it. It may come naturally to you to lie or be dishonest with others, and it shows up in many ways. You may lie about your feelings, or how much you really do to take care of others or other things. Often, you believe these lies are for the greater good. Anytime you attempt to assert your needs in a conversation, you find yourself feeling incredibly guilty. In most cases, you attempt to avoid asserting your needs unless you absolutely have to, and even then, you find yourself holding off. In relationships, you find yourself holding on tight to avoid losing that relationship. You may find yourself going to extreme lengths to ensure that the other person won’t leave you. You may also feel as though you cannot trust the other person not to leave, so you feel a regular state of anxiety. (This ties in with a fear of abandonment or neglect.)  You may or may not realize it, but inside, you genuinely believe that you do not have rights, that your needs to do not matter and that you cannot have access to the love and affection that you crave. You are in denial about your behaviors and beliefs. You may even find yourself denying any of the behaviors or traits that you have read on this very list.”
― Leah Clarke, Courage to Cure Codependency: Healthy Detachment Strategies to Overcome Jealousy in Relationships, Stop Controlling Others, Boost Your Self Esteem, and Be Codependent No More