The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages Quotes

“Just between Us 15 MIN 1. You will want some privacy for this exercise. (You can wear your birthday suit if you like.)     While lying in bed holding each other, start by sharing some highlights from your day. 3 MIN NOTE: Avoid talking about anything upsetting. 2. Spend some time caressing each other while you share stories about your favorite intimate moments together. Include specifics about what made these times meaningful for you. 3 MIN 3. Next, take some time to cuddle and be quiet without caressing while you both place a hand on your partner’s chest to feel his or her heartbeat. 3 MIN 4. Now, continue the caressing for another several minutes followed by cuddling while you take turns listening to each other’s heartbeat. 3 MIN Then enjoy some relational sexual intimacy that brings you both smiles and satisfaction. (Take as much time as you need for this step!) 5. Have some time to rest, then close by expressing appreciation to your spouse about what you enjoy about his/her heart, mind, and body. 3 MIN”
― Marcus Warner, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages: How 15 Minutes a Day Will Help You Stay in Love

“Get Relational 15 MIN 1. While holding hands or cuddling, spend several minutes telling each other the qualities you enjoy about your partner. Be sure to look into your lover’s eyes and try to include moments you observed these qualities in action. 5 MIN EXAMPLE: I really like how generous and thoughtful you are. Just today you surprised me with my favorite bag of coffee beans that you know I love! 2. Notice how you feel when giving and receiving appreciation. Talk about what you notice as you practiced the previous step. 3 MIN 3. Take some time kissing like you did when you were first married. 2 MIN HINT: You may want to brush your teeth first if you had onions or garlic for lunch. 4. Close with several minutes of quiet cuddling and resting together. 5 MIN”
― Marcus Warner, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages: How 15 Minutes a Day Will Help You Stay in Love

“Date Night 15 MIN 1. Plan a special date night doing something fun you both enjoy. As part of your evening, be sure to include the following exercise:     Reminisce about some of the highlights from your wedding day and honeymoon. What do you remember about your special day that made you smile? Try to come up with as many fun moments as you can remember. 7 MIN NOTE: If for some reason your wedding day does not invoke fun feelings, then think about a vacation together or another memory that is meaningful for both of you. 2. At the end of your time, hold hands or cuddle, then share what was fun about this special outing. Highlight three things you enjoy about your partner’s heart and character. 5 MIN     Close with several minutes of quiet cuddling and resting together. 3 MIN”
― Marcus Warner, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages: How 15 Minutes a Day Will Help You Stay in Love

“Practice eye smiles 15 MIN 1. Looking at your spouse is one of the best ways for your brain to build joy while voice tone is a close second. This means seeing your spouse and hearing your spouse’s voice can be invigorating—as long as joy is the emotion you are amplifying! The muscles around the eyes are where spontaneous joy shows up, not the mouth. Eye smiles are what happen when we are glad to be together and our eyes “light up” seeing the one we love. Eye smiles engage the brain’s joy center and nonverbal communication happens at a rapid rate, so you want to 1) start out feeling relational when you begin this exercise, and 2) look away for rest at the right times when you feel like you are no longer growing joy. Don’t force it! This interaction is meant to be an interactive joy and rest sequence, not a stare-down contest. As soon as you feel the joy is no longer growing by looking at your spouse, it is time to look away for a few seconds and disengage to rest. Rest is a normal response, so be sure to rest as needed. Return to the eye smiles as soon as you feel ready and it looks like your partner is ready. Joy can bring up a variety of reactions, so don’t be surprised if different emotions come up while you practice, from tears to laughter. If this exercise is uncomfortable for you, you may want to experiment with playing music in the background as you practice this skill. Try both high-energy and low-energy music to see what you prefer. NOTE: Try this exercise several times in different ways and see which methods connect with you the best—a little practice goes a long way! 2. While cuddling, reminisce about one of your favorite memories with your spouse. 5 MIN 3. Next, play some music you both enjoy, then sit across from each other knee to knee while you hold hands. Without using words, look into each other’s eyes with a warm smile (connect), then look away (rest) and take a breather whenever you need one. The goal here is to connect, then rest again and again for two minutes. 2 MIN 4. When finished, hold hands or cuddle while you discuss how this exercise felt for you. What did you notice? 3 MIN 5. Close with several minutes of quiet cuddling and resting together. 5 MIN”
― Marcus Warner, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages: How 15 Minutes a Day Will Help You Stay in Love

“Few of My Favorite Things 15 MIN 1. Take turns sharing a favorite activity you enjoyed growing up. Include reasons why this activity was so meaningful for you and a special memory associated with this activity. 3 MIN EXAMPLE: I used to ride my bicycle all around my neighborhood and this was special for me because I would enjoy the wind on my face. I remember having my paper route and how fun it was to deliver newspapers … 2. After each person shares his or her favorite activity, take turns validating each other and highlight how important this was to him or her. 2 MIN EXAMPLE: I can tell you really enjoyed riding your bike when you were younger and delivering newspapers. Feeling the wind on your face was very freeing for you … 3. Now take turns sharing your favorite food along with reasons why this food is a favorite. Include a special memory associated with this food. 3 MIN 4. After each person shares his or her favorite food, take turns validating each other and highlight how important this food is to him or her. 2 MIN 5. Next, take turns sharing one of your favorite songs. Include why this song is important to you and any special memories associated with this song. 3 MIN NOTE: You can insert a favorite movie, book, or Scripture verse here instead of a song if you like. 6. After each person shares his or her favorite song, validate emotions and highlight how important this song is for him or her. 1 MIN 7. Close with a moment of quiet cuddling and resting together. 1 MIN”
― Marcus Warner, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages: How 15 Minutes a Day Will Help You Stay in Love

“Mirroring My Mate 15 MIN 1. Think about a moment from your day when you felt peaceful, then think of another moment when peace was absent. These examples should be short and simple. 2 MIN 2. Once you have two examples in mind, briefly review: My body: What was my body feeling? My emotions: What emotions were present? 2 MIN Here are two examples: Peace: While enjoying my cup of coffee this morning, I felt joyful, calm, and peaceful. No Peace: Driving to work, I was stuck in traffic. At that point I felt anxious and restless; my stomach twisted into tight knots. 3. Now, take turns telling your stories including body sensations and emotions. Listener, once your spouse finishes telling one story, tell the story back to him or her nonverbally (using your body gestures, facial expressions and acting-out movements) based on what you observed and heard. Do this for both stories. (This step improves mindsight.) 8 MIN REMINDER: The elements of a nonverbal story include eye contact, facial expressions, vocal expressions, posture, gestures, timing, and intensity. 4. When you both finish your stories, discuss what you noticed from this exercise, then close with some quiet cuddling and resting together. 3 MIN”
― Marcus Warner, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages: How 15 Minutes a Day Will Help You Stay in Love

“Joy Reminiscing 15 MIN 1. Think of a joyful memory with your spouse from the previous year. 2 MIN 2. Before telling your story, write a few notes on the following details: 1 MIN My body: What was I feeling in my body? My emotions: What emotions were present? 3. While holding hands and gazing into each other’s eyes, briefly tell your stories and include the above details. 6 MIN 4. When finished, take turns highlighting and validating the emotional content from the story your partner shared. 3 MIN EXAMPLE: Our weekend getaway to the beach was a special time for you as you were feeling encouraged. Our time together helped you rest and relax so your body felt peaceful and your shoulders were no longer tense. 5. Discuss what you noticed from this exercise, then close with quiet cuddling and resting together. 3 MIN”
― Marcus Warner, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages: How 15 Minutes a Day Will Help You Stay in Love

“Happy and Sad 15 MIN 1. While holding hands, share three things from your day that made you happy, then highlight one thing that made you sad. Include how your body felt in the happy and the sad. 3 MIN For example, I was glad when my coworker helped me on a project and this felt refreshing and “lighter” in my body. 2. Next, your partner will express the emotional content from what you said, including his/her observations. (You can take one item at a time if this works better.) 3 MIN HAPPY EXAMPLE: When you were glad your coworker helped you today, this felt refreshing and you felt lighter. I even noticed a smile appear on your face while you were sharing. SAD EXAMPLE: When you observed the person yelling at her young daughter in the grocery store today, you felt very unhappy and your body felt heavy. I noticed your energy level dropped and your tone of voice sounded sad while you were telling me this story. 3. Switch roles. 6 MIN 4. Discuss how you feel after practicing this exercise, then close with quiet cuddling and resting together. 3 MIN”
― Marcus Warner, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages: How 15 Minutes a Day Will Help You Stay in Love

“keep the relationship bigger than the problem.”
― Marcus Warner, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages: How 15 Minutes a Day Will Help You Stay in Love