The State of Affairs Rethinking Infidelity / Mating In Captivity 2 Books Quotes

“People often ask, Why is infidelity such a big deal today? Why does it hurt so much? How has it become one of the leading causes of divorce? Only by taking a brief trip back in time to look at the changes of love, sex and marriage over the last few centuries can we have an informed conversation about modern infidelity. History and culture have always set the stage for our domestic dramas. In particular, the rise of individualism, the emergence of consumer culture, and the mandate for happiness have transformed matrimony and its adulterous shadow. Affairs are not what they used to be because marriage is not what it used to be.”
― Esther Perel, The State of Affairs Rethinking Infidelity / Mating In Captivity 2 Books

“Because we cannot have the lover, it ensures that we keep wanting, for we always want that which we cannot have. It is this just-out-of-reach quality that lends affairs their erotic mystique and ensures that the flame of desire keeps burning.”
― Esther Perel, The State of Affairs Rethinking Infidelity / Mating In Captivity 2 Books

“...we cannot afford to minimize the damaging effects that secret-keeping may have on children. As my colleague Harriet Lerner highlights, secrecy "puts a crack in the foundation of the relationship with both parents and operates like an underground river of confusion and pain that affects everything. It not infrequently leads to symptomatic behavior and acting out by kids and teens who are then put in therapy where the real source of anxiety and distress is never identified.”
― Esther Perel, The State of Affairs Rethinking Infidelity / Mating In Captivity 2 Books

“was i just a placeholder, for his true love”
― Esther Perel, The State of Affairs Rethinking Infidelity / Mating In Captivity 2 Books

“Infidelity happens in good marriages, in bad marriages, and even when adultery is punishable by death. It happens in open relationships where extramarital sex is carefully negotiated beforehand. And the freedom to leave or divorce has not made cheating obsolete.”
― Esther Perel, The State of Affairs Rethinking Infidelity / Mating In Captivity 2 Books