William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls Quotes

“KAREN On Wednesdays, we array ourselves in pink!”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“DAMIAN She doth not even go here!”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“There are no rules within this house of mine— I am no mother regular, forsooth! A cool mom I, ’tis so, Regina, yea?”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“REGINA Come hither, folly-fallen Cady, come! We shall anon unto the shopping mall.”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“REGINA —Nay, Gretchen, “fetch” shall never catch, Stop hosting an event no one attends. It shall not hap—the zeitgeist thou art not. The fad is bad; I’m mad and thou art sad.”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“Twas on October third he ask’d the date— By calendar, not for a date, I mean. ’Twas two weeks later when we spake again.”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“NORBURY A point well ta’en, Miss George, and likely true: How many of ye here have pers’nally felt Ye have been victimized e’en by Regina?”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“JANIS ’Tis what you Plastics do with utmost skill: Ye think the world enamor’d of yourselves, When ’tis far truer ye are hated widely. Take Aaron Samuels, whom thou fawnest for— He broke with his Regina. Nonetheless, He still doth not regard thee with love’s eye. Then wherefore dost thou meddle with Regina? Here is the reason: thou a mean girl art— A wench, a strumpet, and a soulless rogue!”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“REGINA [to Cady:] Is butter such as may be call’d a carb?”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“KAREN Alas, Regina, I cannot go out. Cough, cough—I am unwell, as thou canst hear. REGINA Boo, whore.”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“KAREN An thou can keep the confidence, hear on: I am most nearly psychic, Cady, yea— A fifth sense I possess. CADY —What dost thou mean? KAREN ’Tis almost like I have ESPN. My breasts are like a twin prognosticatrix— Protruding like a pair of weather vanes— And can predict when clouds shall form above To drop sweet rain upon the earth below.”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“KAREN My fist entire doth fit within my mouth, An ’twere circumf’rence of the world entire. Wouldst thou bear witness to the awesome feat?”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“GRETCHEN O, Cady, if thou only knew’st how vile, How reprehensible, how knavish, and How horrible Regina truly is! Thou knowest I may not hoop earrings wear? ’Twas two full years ago she did declare Hoop earrings as her purview only, yea— The bound’ry circular of her domain— Ne’ermore would I be sanction’d in the wearing. When I, for Hanukkah, receiv’d a pair From my dear parents—white gold hoops were they, Expensive in the buying, priceless in The giving generous—yet ’twas my lot To act as though I could not stand the things. She took the ring of me: I’ll none of it, But must contest her wickedness anon. Know’st thou she cheateth frequently on Aaron, Doth make him cuckold for another’s lust? Each Thursday, when he thinks she is engag’d In preparation for the SAT, She earns him horns by being horny with Shane Oman, o’er in the projection room, Which sits above the auditorium. Ne’er have I shar’d this secret with a soul Because I am, I grant, a perfect friend. Yet knowledge of it nearly makes me burst, For Aaron is, in sooth, an innocent man— If there’s a chance of resurrecting love, I’m not above returning to the start, To find out where the heartache did begin.”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“GRETCHEN I can say little more than I have studied— This question’s out of my part: what art thou? KAREN A mouse, of course, I bid thee see mine ears!”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“GRETCHEN I can say little more than I have studied— This question’s out of my part: what art thou? KAREN A mouse, of course, I bid”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“REGINA By all that is divine, behold thy bracelet— A stunning piece of jewelry it is! How didst thou come by such a lovely thing? CADY My mother fashion’d it and gave it me. REGINA ’Tis worthy of the public’s admiration. GRETCHEN So fetch it is, it fetcheth ev’ry glance. REGINA What is this “fetch” and, pray, whence cometh it? GRETCHEN A word come swimming ’cross the ocean blue, From England’s ruddy shores. Know’st thou this country?”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“DAMIAN ’Tis, peradventure, why her hair is large: The secrets she doth carry in her pate.”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“each Shakespearean reference is taken from a specific Shakespearean character. These are the characters I paired together: Cady: Miranda in The Tempest. Miranda is an ingenue who has lived most of her life secluded with her father in a remote wilderness, not unlike Cady. (I broke this pairing once, when Cady uses lines borrowed from Hero in Much Ado About Nothing. The quote from Hero was so perfect for the moment that I had to use it. Can you find it?) Janis: Beatrice in Much Ado About Nothing. Beatrice has a caustic, biting wit and a fierce loyalty to her friends. Regina: Kate in Taming of the Shrew. Kate, the titular shrew, starts off the play as a harsh woman with a sharp tongue. Gretchen: Viola in Twelfth Night. Viola, dressing as a man, serves as a constant go-between and wears a different face with each character. Karen: Juliet in Romeo and Juliet. Juliet is the youngest of Shakespeare’s heroines. She is innocent and hopeful. Mrs. Heron: Cleopatra in Antony and Cleopatra. Cleopatra is the regal, intelligent woman who has come from Africa. Mrs. George: Lady Macbeth in Macbeth. Lady Macbeth is one of Shakespeare’s cruelest, most cunning villains. Yes, this is unfair to Amy Poehler’s portrayal of Mrs. George, who is nothing but positive and fun. My thought was that anyone who could raise Regina must be a piece of work. Ms. Norbury: Titania in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. There’s little textual connection here—I just love Tina Fey so much that I thought, “Who could represent her except a majestic fairy queen?”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“So fetch it is, it fetcheth ev’ry glance. REGINA What is this “fetch” and, pray, whence cometh it?”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls

“Be sure thou seest her mother’s ample breast, By power of physician larger made.”
― Ian Doescher, William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls