Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families Quotes

“Bottoming out can vary from person to person; however, the general consensus reveals that the person usually has exhausted all resources, lacks self-love, and is practicing self-harm. The person may be allowing others to neglect and abuse him. While a bottom is in progress, denial is rampant and relatives or friends may have turned away. At this juncture, the adult child usually isolates or becomes involved in busy work to avoid asking for help. He scrambles to manipulate anyone who might still be having contact with him. Some adult children are at the other extreme. They have resources and speak of a bright future or new challenge; however, their bottom involves an inability to connect with others on a meaningful level. Their lives are unmanageable due to perfectionism and denial that seals them off from others. These are the high-functioning adults who seem to operate in the stratosphere of success. In their self-sufficiency they avoid asking for help, but they feel a desperate disconnect from life. Their bottom can be panic attacks without warning or bouts of depression that are pushed away with work or a new relationship.”
― ACA WSO INC., Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“The ACA wisdom is this: “There is nothing like hitting bottom to motivate someone into action that produces lasting change.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“Many clinicians aware of the adult child dynamic believe that most mental health diagnoses are actually adult child related.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“We ask new members to avoid some hindrances to recovery that include: isolating and not asking for help, intellectualizing the program, focusing only on counseling, “falling in love” with another member and avoiding program work, erratic meeting attendance, and taking drugs or drinking alcohol. We suggest that newcomers to ACA stay out of romantic relationships since we need time to focus on ourselves. We are highly susceptible to unhealthy attachments which can divert us from focusing on ourselves. The ACA solution is in the meetings and the Twelve Steps, instead of in someone else.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“The ACA program allows us to acknowledge our parents’ support and positive contributions in our lives. With the help of ACA, we are offering our parents fairness as we look at the family system with rigorous honesty. We are looking for the truth so that we can live our own lives with choice and self-confidence. We want to break the cycle of family dysfunction.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“Many dysfunctional parents use perfectionistic remarks disguised as support to urge a child to do better. For example, comments of perfectionism sound like support, but the child never seems to meet the parent’s expectations. This parental behavior is neglectful. The neglect involves the withholding of true praise when the child does meet expectations. Without true praise, the child or teen does not feel valued and safe. The child feels he must perform or do well to earn a parent’s love.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“Abuse can be a single traumatic event or it can be cumulative events over time. Some of the signs of abuse and neglect are addiction, codependence, workaholism, and phobias. Because our parents could be chronic worriers or doubters, we can worry obsessively about events that never occur. Regular worrying or anxiety is a sure sign of an internalized parent.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“1. Do you recall anyone drinking or taking drugs or being involved in some other behavior that you now believe could be dysfunctional? 2. Did you avoid bringing friends to your home because of drinking or some other dysfunctional behavior in the home? 3. Did one of your parents make excuses for the other parent’s drinking or other behaviors? 4. Did your parents focus on each other so much that they seemed to ignore you? 5. Did your parents or relatives argue constantly? 6. Were you drawn into arguments or disagreements and asked to choose sides with one parent or relative against another? 7. Did you try to protect your brothers or sisters against drinking or other behavior in the family? 8. As an adult, do you feel immature? Do you feel like you are a child inside? 9. As an adult, do you believe you are treated like a child when you interact with your parents? Are you continuing to live out a childhood role with the parents? 10. Do you believe that it is your responsibility to take care of your parents’ feelings or worries? Do other relatives look to you to solve their problems? 11. Do you fear authority figures and angry people? 12. Do you constantly seek approval or praise but have difficulty accepting a compliment when one comes your way? 13. Do you see most forms of criticism as a personal attack? 14. Do you over commit yourself and then feel angry when others do not appreciate what you do? 15. Do you think you are responsible for the way another person feels or behaves? 16. Do you have difficulty identifying feelings? 17. Do you focus outside yourself for love or security? 18. Do you involve yourself in the problems of others? Do you feel more alive when there is a crisis? 19. Do you equate sex with intimacy? 20. Do you confuse love and pity? 21. Have you found yourself in a relationship with a compulsive or dangerous person and wonder how you got there? 22. Do you judge yourself without mercy and guess at what is normal? 23. Do you behave one way in public and another way at home? 24. Do you think your parents had a problem with drinking or taking drugs? 25. Do you think you were affected by the drinking or other dysfunctional behavior of your parents or family? If you answered yes to three or more of these questions, you may be suffering from the effects of growing up in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional family. As The Laundry List states, you can be affected even if you did not take a drink. Please read Chapter Two to learn more about these effects.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“The Laundry List Characteristics of an Adult Child 1) We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures. 2) We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process. 3) We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism. 4) We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs. 5) We live life from the viewpoint of victims, and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships. 6) We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc. 7) We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others. 8) We became addicted to excitement. 9) We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.” 10) We “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial). 11) We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem. 12) We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us. 13) Alcoholism is a family disease; we became para-alcoholics (codependents)† and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink. 14) Para-alcoholics (codependents) are reactors rather than actors.”
― ACA WSO INC., Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“this at ten years old; I didn’t get this at twelve years old; I didn’t get this at sixteen years old. I’m mad. I’m”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“inner voice of blaming others.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“are not good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough for our job or our relationships. There is also”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“and undermines.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“is the critical voice who blames and belittles or who judges”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“hypercritical messages in their minds.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“abuse, an angry Inner Child can fuel self-destructive behaviors that we seem powerless to stop at times.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“the fear of abandonment and shame. Through recovery, we have learned that our Inner Child”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“of ourselves. Some of us believe the child within can sabotage our current relationships”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“Inner Child or True Self can be the spark of our creativity, we must also remember the child is a deeply”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“Many adult children have said they feel like a child in a grown-up body. This is a clue to the Inner”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“challenging our loyalty to a dysfunctional family and changing negative tapes in our heads.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“Affirmations are a key element”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“taught to doubt ourselves so it became natural to believe that we are wrong, defective, or uninformed.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“and”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“direction or accept helpful suggestions that would lead to change. Typically, these adult children”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“The term “adult child” does not mean that we live in the past or that we are infantile in our thinking and actions. The term means that we meet the demands of adult life with survival techniques learned as children. Before finding recovery, we suppressed our feelings and were overly responsible. We tried to anticipate the needs of others and meet those needs so we would not be abandoned. We tried to be flexible or supportive of others as we denied our own needs. We monitored our relationships for any sign of disapproval. We tried to be perfect so we would be loved and never left alone. Or we isolated ourselves and thought we needed no one.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“Parents abandon their children when they fail to praise or recognize a child’s true effort to please the parent.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“The term “adult child” means that we respond to adult interactions with the fear and self-doubt learned as children. This undercurrent of hidden fear can sabotage our choices and relationships. We can appear outwardly confident while living with a constant question of our worth.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“Spirituality is a surrendering process. We surrender the illusion that we must have all the answers, that we must be in charge so we can hide our shame.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

“To not own your reality or to not speak your truth is the ultimate act of betrayal to yourself.”
― Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families