Her Cherry Quotes

“That beautiful, beautiful man. He stole your cherry and deflowered you in one fell swoop. Respect.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“Today’s message: Pro tip… An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“Shake the stick out of my ass and let loose... Words of wisdom from Candace. Maybe I’ll have them put that on your tombstone?” "Who says I'm dying first? I'm going to have them put, ‘here lies the world's oldest, saddest virgin. Maybe if she'd let a guy get six inches deep, she wouldn't have gone six feet under.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“Grammy took them both in with hard eyes, the nodded and smiled. "I like you better than your brother, Bruce. He's a real dickhole."
"What the fuck?" I asked.
"You stole my slippers. I know it was you!”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“What is the difference between a tire and three hundred and sixty-five condoms?" I raised my eyebrows and shook my head slowly. “One’s a Goodyear. The other is a great year.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“Hailey looked every bit like the picture of innocence to the world. A virgin girl with repressed sexuality and fire that was waiting to be unleashed.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“The one with OCD. I think you could probably dispense ice cubes out of his asshole if you tried hard enough. Crushed, of course.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“I liked her. She had a kind of undersexed, repressed, bumbling librarian vibe that I could get behind”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“I had pens I'd snatched from rude waitresses, and even an "I Recycle" pin some douchebag had been wearing on his backpack—seriously, of all the things to brag about. You recycle? I'd almost been tempted to toss that one in the trash just for irony's sake, but my need to stash it won out in the end.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“I braced myself for the plunge and tried to flirt, which felt a lot like trying to get an old, rusted out car to start after twenty-five years of disuse.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“I wouldn’t mind shedding the irony of being the girl who gave cherry pies to people all day but had never let anyone have her cherry.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“If the walls in my office could talk, they wouldn’t say a word, because they’d know they were too good to talk to you. That’s how perfect it was.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“Good. Because I’m like a vampire, I can’t come inside until you invite me. And now, you’re screwed.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“Is it always this good?"
"Only with me," I said. "With other guys, it's horrible. So you should never try.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“Where is my dress?"
"Oh...."
He looked to his left, where the garment was slowly sinking beneath the water. "It's right there, about to make some little girl fish's night. Imagine how pretty she'll look, Hailey.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“What in God's name is that?" she asked when she saw what I'd built Gremlin.
"That would be the dog tower I lovingly built for my ungrateful pet."
"Dogs don't use towers...You're thinking of cats."
"Or maybe people just don't built dogs towers and give them opportunities to have a little fun?"
"Yeah, that must be it.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry

“The muffins are done. And you're right. I can see why a muffin wrapping machine was a stupid suggestion now. The little bastards wrap themselves.”
― Penelope Bloom, Her Cherry