Stop People Pleasing Quotes

“The interesting paradox is that in order to truly put others first and give yourself in meaningful ways, you have to know how to put yourself first and be a little selfish where it counts. By making time for yourself and taking care of your own health first, you are putting yourself in the best position to continue being there for the people around you when they most need it. So by being selfish, you claw your sense of self back slowly, and you can use this newfound energy to be better at whatever you choose to spend it on. Hopefully you choose yourself, but even if you want to choose others, you’ll be better off if you are operating at 100%.”
― Patrick King, Stop People Pleasing: Be Assertive, Stop Caring What Others Think, Beat Your Guilt, & Stop Being a Pushover

“A people-pleaser is worried about rejection. They have a need, as we all do, to be accepted and treasured—to be loved. But in people-pleasers, this need is amplified to the extent that they will bend over backward just to not lose that love or acceptance. They are driven by avoiding negative consequences rather than creating positive possibilities. Additionally, they feel that they are always on the brink of rejection, so this urgency causes a type of panic that is characterized by doing anything possible. People-pleasing is a defensive act, whereas genuine concern and generosity are affirmative practices.”
― Patrick King, Stop People Pleasing: Be Assertive, Stop Caring What Others Think, Beat Your Guilt, & Stop Being a Pushover

“This was particularly important to Muriel because she was terrified of being unemployed—she’d spent 22 months on unemployment,”
― Patrick King, Stop People Pleasing: Be Assertive, Stop Caring What Others Think, Beat Your Guilt, & Stop Being a Pushover

“If you tell yourself “I can’t,” you’re simply reminding yourself of the limitations you’ve set for yourself. You’re creating a feedback loop in your brain that tells you that you can’t do something that you would normally want to do. “I can’t” becomes an exercise in self-discipline, which is not something you want to constantly depend on. On the other hand, when you tell yourself “I don’t,” you’re creating a feedback loop that reminds you of your power and control of the situation. You’ve given yourself a line in the sand that takes the situation out of your hands. Your choice was premade to say no and thus you can stick to it more easily. By simply changing one word when we talk to ourselves, we can change our behavior. When people hear “don’t,” it’s more of a hard boundary, whereas “can’t” typically implies an open-ended answer that encourages people to try to persuade and coax you.”
― Patrick King, Stop People Pleasing: Be Assertive, Stop Caring What Others Think, Beat Your Guilt, & Stop Being a Pushover

“People-pleasers are always cheerful in all situations—on the outside.”
― Patrick King, Stop People Pleasing: Be Assertive, Stop Caring What Others Think, Beat Your Guilt, & Stop Being a Pushover