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World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018 Quotes
World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018
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World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018 Quotes
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“Ducks and Skunks A baby duck and a baby skunk raced across the highway, dodging cars and narrowly escaping death. Their families, however, were all killed by a truck barreling down the highway. Upon reaching the other side, the little duck tells the baby skunk, "My parents both died and didn't tell me what I am."
"Well," says the baby skunk, "You are yellow and you have a bill and webbed feet. You must be a duck."
The duck thanked him.
The baby skunk then tells the duck, "My parents didn't tell me what I am, either."
"Well," says the baby duck, "You're not quite black and you're not quite white and you smell bad. You must be Mexican.”
― World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018
"Well," says the baby skunk, "You are yellow and you have a bill and webbed feet. You must be a duck."
The duck thanked him.
The baby skunk then tells the duck, "My parents didn't tell me what I am, either."
"Well," says the baby duck, "You're not quite black and you're not quite white and you smell bad. You must be Mexican.”
― World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018
“The Nursing Home There was an old man in a nursing home who had felt lonely since his wife had passed, and everyday he would sit at the same bench and stare at the trees in the yard. And elderly woman walked up to him one day and began to talk to him. She heard his story and was saddened by it, and asked if there was anything she could do to cheer him up. "Actually," the old man said, "you could hold my penis."
At first the lady thought this was strange, but she figured since she wasn’t doing anything bad, just holding his penis. No harm done. Day after day, she’d meet the guy and hold his penis and they would talk for hours on end. She began to enjoy the time and thought nothing about the penis holding. One day she went to the spot to find that the man was not there. For the next week she didn’t see her friend at the bench and began to worry. She found a nurse and asked, "Did he pass away?"
The woman held her breath, afraid of the answer.
But the nurse responded, "Oh, no! He's been by the pool everyday for about a week now." The elderly lady didn't quite understand why, but she walked over to the pool to find him. When she got there, she saw him sitting next to the pool with another woman holding his penis! The woman was irate.
"What's this?" she yelled at him. "Was my company not good enough for you? What does this woman have that I don't?"
The man looked up with a smile and said, "Parkinson’s.”
― World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018
At first the lady thought this was strange, but she figured since she wasn’t doing anything bad, just holding his penis. No harm done. Day after day, she’d meet the guy and hold his penis and they would talk for hours on end. She began to enjoy the time and thought nothing about the penis holding. One day she went to the spot to find that the man was not there. For the next week she didn’t see her friend at the bench and began to worry. She found a nurse and asked, "Did he pass away?"
The woman held her breath, afraid of the answer.
But the nurse responded, "Oh, no! He's been by the pool everyday for about a week now." The elderly lady didn't quite understand why, but she walked over to the pool to find him. When she got there, she saw him sitting next to the pool with another woman holding his penis! The woman was irate.
"What's this?" she yelled at him. "Was my company not good enough for you? What does this woman have that I don't?"
The man looked up with a smile and said, "Parkinson’s.”
― World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018
“The Mother-in-Law
I was walking with my wife and we came across her mother being beaten up by six guys.
My wife cried, “Aren't you going to help?”
I said, “Nah, six should be enough.”
― World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018
I was walking with my wife and we came across her mother being beaten up by six guys.
My wife cried, “Aren't you going to help?”
I said, “Nah, six should be enough.”
― World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018
“Traveler’s Disease A businessman returns from a long trip to Asia. After a few days, he notices strange growth on his penis. He sees several doctors, but they all give him the same terrifying prognosis. They all say: "You've been screwing around in the Far East, and this disease is very common there, but there’s no cure. We'll have to cut it off." The man panics, but figures if it is common in the East they must know how to cure it. So he goes back and sees a doctor in Thailand. The Thai doctor examines his penis closely and says, "You've been fooling around in my country. This is a very common problem here. Did you see any other doctors?" The man replies, "Yes, I saw several in the USA."
The doctor says, "I bet they told you it had to be cut off."
The man answers, "Yes!”
The Thai doctor smiles, nods, "That’s totally wrong.”
“Oh, thank God!” the man replied.
The doctor continued, “Yes, it will fall off by itself.”
― World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018
The doctor says, "I bet they told you it had to be cut off."
The man answers, "Yes!”
The Thai doctor smiles, nods, "That’s totally wrong.”
“Oh, thank God!” the man replied.
The doctor continued, “Yes, it will fall off by itself.”
― World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018
“Psst! Hey kid! What does Father O'Malley give for a blow job?"
Timmy smiles and answers, "Usually a Big Mac and a chocolate shake.”
― World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018
Timmy smiles and answers, "Usually a Big Mac and a chocolate shake.”
― World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018
“The President of Oz Presidents Trump, Clinton, and Obama are flying together on Air Force On when they are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After great difficulty, they finally make it down the yellow brick road to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard. "WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ? WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Barack Obama steps forward timidly, "My foreign policy was pretty bad. I had a terrible time getting bullied by Iran and Syria and Russia and Libya, so I've come for some courage." "NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"
Donald Trump steps forward, "Well, this job is harder than I thought. I... I think I need a brain. A yuge brain!”
"DONE" says the Wizard.
"WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?"
Bill replies, "Is Dorothy around?"
Politics
A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Dad, what is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people.” The boy nodded. His father continued, “The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." The little boy nodded again, and went off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper.
The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored, and the future is in deep shit.”
― World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018
Donald Trump steps forward, "Well, this job is harder than I thought. I... I think I need a brain. A yuge brain!”
"DONE" says the Wizard.
"WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?"
Bill replies, "Is Dorothy around?"
Politics
A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Dad, what is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people.” The boy nodded. His father continued, “The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." The little boy nodded again, and went off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper.
The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored, and the future is in deep shit.”
― World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018
“The President of Oz Presidents Trump, Clinton, and Obama are flying together on Air Force On when they are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After great difficulty, they finally make it down the yellow brick road to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard. "WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ? WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Barack Obama steps forward timidly, "My foreign policy was pretty bad. I had a terrible time getting bullied by Iran and Syria and Russia and Libya, so I've come for some courage." "NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"
Donald Trump steps forward, "Well, this job is harder than I thought. I... I think I need a brain. A yuge brain!”
"DONE" says the Wizard.
"WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?"
Bill replies, "Is Dorothy around?”
― World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018
Donald Trump steps forward, "Well, this job is harder than I thought. I... I think I need a brain. A yuge brain!”
"DONE" says the Wizard.
"WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?"
Bill replies, "Is Dorothy around?”
― World's Greatest Truly Offensive Jokes 2018
